1. j88311

    j88311 New Member

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    I usually would never post anything but would like unbiased opinions and or advice, I'm 29 gay and have been single for about 4 years now, and it seems the more years go by the more depressed I become, I know I have some issues with trusting people because when I first came out I was beaten and left for dead by someone whom was supposed to a a great friend that I have known for 15 years, but she and her friend were very homophobic to this day I still recall details from that night, about a year later I entered my first serious relationship with another guy and we were together 3 years, but I left due to his controlling nature, and always putting me down for being as skinny as him, make as much money as him, ever trying to leave to see family or friends to him just meant I did not want to spend time with him, but I did finally get the courage and I move out on my own.

    3 months later I met someone through a mutual friend and we hit it off very well, he was so sweet and caring at first my self-esteem was so high, but then I found out he was cheating on me and of course he swore that would never happen again, so I decided to give him another shot and I left him move in about a month later, I thought everything was looking up I had a great paying job, my bf was living with me, but that's when it got worse he began doing drugs at first it was just weed, which I let it go as long as it was not in the house and he never did it around me, he then lost his job so now I am supporting him, and I started noticing things missing from around the house and his attitude was changing he was stealing stuff to sell or pawn because I would not pay for his drug habits and by this time he was doing ice, crack and god only knows what else and he was caught cheating again, so I made him leave after two years of being in a relationship.

    Over the next two years I dated a few people but always ended the same way of me being cheated on or just not looking for the same type of relationship as I am. Maybe I expect too much I guess because I look at my family and relatives and everyone has been married for very long periods of time plus there is like zero divorce, and I love the idea of being with just one person and spending my life with them, but honestly over the last four years I have just gotten depressed and had gained about 25lbs a year since I am now about 300 lbs, cause I let food comfort me, which I know is wrong, but its like I always fall for the guy that never feels the same way and I so I mainly work cause for me I get that distractions that I need but at the end of the day I am left with just my feelings bottled up in my head, I don't know how to get myself out of this funk I am in, I want to start dating again but it just never seems to happen and I know I am just rambling on and on and some of this may make no sense but it does feel good just to write what's in my head, just would like to know if anyone has had any of the same issues and how they got though.
    Thanks =D
     
  2. Sharpone

    Sharpone New Member

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    I can see how you would feel a bit depressed about the many things that have happened in your life. I wouldn't feel bad about gaining extra weight. There are some times when you just need to feel better and our comfort foods can really help that. For some of us it is difficult to use exercise as an outlet because of a tendency to get depressed when these things happen.

    I'm wondering if it would be best for you to take some time to not seek out a relationship and spend some time working and focusing on yourself for a while? Sometimes when these types of things manifest in our lives, it is an indication that we need to raise our vibration a bit and focus on more positive things such as meditation, nutrition, and bringing as much love (non-romantic relationships) as possible into our lives. Taking a year or so to just focus on yourself can be a great way to change your trajectory in life to a much more positive plane.

    My very best wishes for you :)
     
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