Affairs, is it worth it?

[Wilde316]

I'd say that the only possible way its okay to screw a married person is if A.) You are that married persons husband/wife or B.) You are completely unaware of said persons current relationship. Otherwise you are fucking them and knowing the pain it could cause another, you are making a choice to possibly hurt someone else's marriage or relationship, and you are doing it for selfish reasons. If you are capable of separating yourself moraly from this then congrats, its not something I could do, even though I wanted to.

 

[B_big dirigible]

I've been around a bit longer than most of you farmers, and my considered opinion, speaking as a guy who's been around a bit longer etc, is ... no.

 

[novice_btm]

...Don't assume you haven't been with someone who is married. Chances are you have and they just didn't tell you...

One encounter that I was with, said something to me that led me to believe he was dating a girl, but there was no sex, and he was curious about a guy. I think I'd only been with 2 guys before him, and was curious for another one myself. We chatted forever, exchanged stats, pics, live video connections, and finally met. We messed around, then he felt guilty, disappeared for a few weeks, then a "hey, what's up", would pop up. We'd chat for a few days, then meet again. This happened a few times, until he told me that I just wasn't at all his type. OK, fine, but if that was the case, why could I make him cum faster and more times than he ever had with anyone else in a session? Why did he say that he would never be able to fuck me, because he would only play safe, and rubbers ALWAYS made him limp, yet, one day when he wanted to make his point, he rolled it on, he was as hard as steel, all the while telling me he didn't understand why he was so hard, and "watch, it's gonna go limp any second", as it just throbbed like it was going to burst? I asked why he kept coming back so many times, and chatting me up if I didn't turn him on, especially when he knew what I looked like and all of my stats, way before we ever met, and he just said he wasn't comfortable discussing it. (???) We kept chatting constantly, once in a while he'd hit on me some more, but mainly we just became friends. Finally, he told me he was thinking of divorcing his wife, because he met this hot guy that he was sort of dating. Um... WIFE??? Hot guy ends up being very hot, but a total loser. Later, he tells me about a really nice guy, but he's so not his type, then they start dating, he divorces, they move in together, and he tells me how great his 9-yr old daughter is taking it all. Da-dau-daughter???

Sorc is right. You never know what their situation at home is. Of course, the same goes for their health, and safety practices too.

 

[sundayssad]

No. I don't think affairs are ever worth it. If you're willing enough to have an affair, you might as well tell your significant other that you want out. It isn't fair to do that to the significant other. I think affairs are pretty high on the list of scummy things to do.

 

[headbang8]

I've been around a bit longer than most of you farmers, and my considered opinion, speaking as a guy who's been around a bit longer etc, is ... no.

My answer is...it depends.

 

[Vacman]

My wife cheated on me, told me 3 years after the fact. So it was, like damn. Kids, houses cars, bank accounts ect, things were a but complicated. It's been a few years sice I found out, and it still enters my mind daily. I feel like we can never truly have a perfect marriage. Since the confession, I have had a few run arounds. This gave me some piece of mind, but it's a reaction thing not a solution. The pain remains. I realize I wouldn't of cheated if I felt 100% secure, I was simply reacting to a situation. So, it's not worth it in my book. I still love here very deeply, and times I am 100% happy.



and the memory remains,

~VAC

 

[Love-it]

My wife cheated on me, told me 3 years after the fact. So it was, like damn. Kids, houses cars, bank accounts etc., things were a bit complicated. It's been a few years since I found out, and it still enters my mind daily. I feel like we can never truly have a perfect marriage. Since the confession, I have had a few run arounds. This gave me some peace of mind, but it's a reaction thing not a solution. The pain remains. I realize I wouldn't of cheated if I felt 100% secure, I was simply reacting to a situation. So, it's not worth it in my book. I still love her very deeply, and times I am 100% happy.

and the memory remains,

~VAC

My wife cheated on me 18 years ago. Every once in awhile it comes to mind and in the spring, when the affair happened, I usually get a little low, but life is good, we are happy and life goes on. I never used her affair as an excuse to start cheating though I would say that I was tempted in the past to get even.

For some reason it just occurred to me the other day that she always had problems with pain during intercourse, so sex was almost non-existent, that maybe in an unconscious way she was looking for a smaller penis. I say in an unconscious way because we didn't figure out the girth problem until last fall.

 

[Lordpendragon]

I can't put things in clearly labelled boxes - so for me there is no answer to this issue. Some times I wish I could and make my life a lot easier.

 

[joker]

hmmm.....

 

[jeff black]

See, what surprises me....Most of the people here seem to be of the opinion that an Affair within a Marriage is a bad idea.
Yet privately, a few have said they love affairs.

I am kinda torn on the subject. At the risk of sounding like a baby... What about thinking about the children and spouse. Even if the parent may not leave... there will still be an urge to go out and fuck around with others. That could wreck the marriage entirely.

On the other hand, is it fair to live in a sexless marriage, despite councilling and trying new things.... IF there is no Spark in a relationship, but they love each other.... does that make it ok to have extramarital relations?>

 

[dong20]

See, what surprises me....Most of the people here seem to be of the opinion that an Affair within a Marriage is a bad idea.
Yet privately, a few have said they love affairs.

And that surprises you....?:tongue:

I am kinda torn on the subject. At the risk of sounding like a baby... What about thinking about the children and spouse. Even if the parent may not leave... there will still be an urge to go out and fuck around with others. That could wreck the marriage entirely.

This may sound cruel but it seems to me that the duty of care (all other things being equal) for the welfare of the spouse and/or children lies primarily with the responsible party. Contributary negligence (involuntary if one party lies about their status) is one thing but the whole 'homewrecker' thing...I'm not convinced.

You generally only seek greener grass when you're tired of mowing your own, right?

On the other hand, is it fair to live in a sexless marriage, despite councilling and trying new things.... IF there is no Spark in a relationship, but they love each other.... does that make it ok to have extramarital relations?>

Who can say? other than this; if that works for those involved then who does it hurt? and, who does it help if an otherwise loving, functional relationship breaks up? And, most importantly who can make such a determination for another?

The temptation to project ones own definition of what is 'correct' in a relationship, in this example, is difficult to resist.

 

[dreamer20]

...

On the other hand, is it fair to live in a sexless marriage, despite councilling and trying new things.... IF there is no Spark in a relationship, but they love each other.... does that make it ok to have extramarital relations?>

Another loaded question. First it was "is it worth it...?" and now it is "does it make it ok...?" Re: Judge Maybeline's court: many a married person was aware that they and/or their spouse liked to have more than one relationship going on before the marriage and that behaviour continued afterward and was even tolerated in some cases. As before if the spouse condones an open marriage type situation everything is fine.

 

[jeff black]

This may sound cruel but it seems to me that the responsibility (all other things being equal) for the welfare of the spouse and/or children lies primarily with the responsible party. Contributary negligence (involuntary if one party lies about their status) is one thing but the whole 'homewrecker' thing...I'm not convinced.

You generally only seek greener grass when you're tired of mowing your own, right?

Nope, Dong, you are very correct (damn, my respect grows for you more each day.:tongue: ) HOWEVER, I have to argue. The responsibility is on the person who cheats, but... that person may have just been looking for a person to fuck. If I dont' sleep with them, and no one else does... they may have these feelings but not act on them...thus no cheating. IF I say,.. sure, and unbuckle my pants, now I am helping him/her cheat. Which means the responsibility shifts in my direction as well. Now there are TWO guilty parties.:smile:

Who can say? other than this; if that works for those involved then who does it hurt?

If the husband and wife are ok with the affair, I am cool with it.

and, who does it help if an otherwise loving, functional relationship breaks up? And, most importantly who can make such a determination for another?

I am not responsible for the break up of the marriage if I dont' sleep with the cheater :tongue:

The temptation to project ones own definition of what is 'correct' in a relationship, in this example, is difficult to resist.

You are correct, I have placed my definitions in the idea, and I cant' quite get ok with it. HOwever, the spouse doesnt' know... there are young kids involved... AND the cheater wants to do it secretly.

*bells going off*

 

[jeff black]

Another loaded question. First it was "is it worth it...?" and now it is "does it make it ok...?" Re: Judge Maybeline's court: many a married person was aware that they and/or their spouse liked to have more than one relationship going on before the marriage and that behaviour continued afterward and was even tolerated in some cases. As before if the spouse condones an open marriage type situation everything is fine.

Exactly,

If it is cool between both parties... Fine.. have the affair, because then it is just Swinging....

 

[dong20]

....IF I say,.. sure, and unbuckle my pants, now I am helping him/her cheat. Which means the responsibility shifts in my direction as well. Now there are TWO guilty parties.:smile:

Morally, in that scenario I'm with you.

You are correct, I have placed my definitions in the idea, and I cant' quite get ok with it. HOwever, the spouse doesnt' know... there are young kids involved... AND the cheater wants to do it secretly.

*bells going off*

That's how it should be, personal, it's not required that you're OK with it, and I think it's probably good that you can't. To me, when you get married, and especially if you then have children, you make a moral commitment to their happiness and welfare, if necessary at the expense of your own.

Should you elect to abrogate that responsibility then someone, somewhere is almost certainly going to suffer, and it makes no sense to me that innocent parties should be the ones to do so. Sure, children are resilient but is that justification for using them as the emotional pawns they often often end up being in a break up?

Cheating or collaborating? In the final analysis it's a personal decision for the parties involved and while they are the only ones that can take it they are often not the only ones who must deal with the repercusions.

I'm being idealistic I know but you have start from somewhere.