Age and the Penis

Discussion in 'The Healthy Penis' started by Tau, Sep 5, 2010.

  1. Tau

    Tau New Member

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    Apologies if this thread has been done on this site already - did a search but didn't come up with the kind of thing I was looking for. If this kind of discussion does exist already please point me in its direction. Right - disclaimer over :tongue:

    I have an older friend - she and her husband are in their late 50s. She just told me, after we've been chatting for about a year, that she and her husband don't have sex and have not been having sex for about 6 years now. She says he refuses to see a doctor for that specific problem and that, when he does his regular checks with the doc he appears to be in perfect health and that makes him even more unwilling to bring up the issue. I honestly don't know what to say to her. She pretty much just broke down about it. She still loves him and she misses the physical intimacy but has no idea how to get him to take action with regards to his problem. Do any of you have any links for me that I could read up and see what a potential issue might be? And advice to offer? How would you deal with a friend/brother/father who had a problem like this and just refused to deal with it?
     
  2. maxcok

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    You haven't said what the problem is.
     
  3. B_Hornaplenty

    B_Hornaplenty New Member

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    Apparently she in stating that they don't have intimate sex because he can't get his penis up. There could be various conditions in his reproductive system that are the problem. Advise the woman to convince him to go to a urologist...not a general practitioner...and get a complete exam. Her husband could be subject to prostate cancer and that should be enough to convince him to get examined. What kind of sissy is he to be willing to give up that passionate part of life, not to mention the relationship with his wife, because he's embarrassed to admit his impotence problem?
     
  4. Tau

    Tau New Member

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    The problem is that he has zero sexual drive and can't get it up.

    @Hornaplenty - thanks for that. I also told her to insist he visit a urologist at the very least. I've met the man and I think he's just afraid and little ashamed - it cannot be an easy position to find yourself in.
     
  5. DeepDish

    DeepDish Member

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    I bet his doctor has never checked his Testosterone levels. They usually don't unless you ask.

    Low testosterone can affect people's mental abilities so that maybe he is not able to think clearly about any of this.

    It is further complicated because the symptoms of low testoterone are very similar to the symptoms of depression in men. So some men who have low testosterone are misdiagnosed as being depressed,

    Take a look at the ADAM (Androgen Deficiency in the Aging Male) questionnaire to give yourself an idea of what the symptoms are. This is a pre-screening questionnaire, doesn't mean you have low testosterone if you "fail" it. Just means that you ought to have it looked at by a doctor:

    Take the ADAM Self-Test

    Here are the questions, more on the scoring at that link above.

    1. Have you had a decrease in libido (sex drive)?
    2. Have you had a lack of energy?
    3. Have you had a decrease in strength and/or endurance?
    4. Have you lost height?
    5. Have you noticed a decreased "enjoyment of life"?
    6. Are you sad and/or grumpy?
    7. Are your erections less strong?
    8. Have you noticed a recent deterioration in your ability to play sports?
    9. Are you falling asleep after dinner?
    10. Has there been a recent deterioration in your work performance?
     
    #5 DeepDish, Sep 5, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2010
  6. sargon20

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    It's called a 'sexless marriage'. If you google that tons of stuff will come up.
     
  7. Pitbull

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    You did not say what the problem is.

    If he is unable, he should not be ashamed. Why do they sell so much Viagra and Cialis?
    Most of the customers are not in their 20's using it as an enhancement to their fulfilling sex life.
    Most are middle age or older men using it to have a sex life.

    I do not understand the embarrassment that would preclude asking for pills.

    So if there is no sex drive also, maybe there are other issues such as testosterone levels.
     
    #7 Pitbull, Sep 5, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2010
  8. B_Hornaplenty

    B_Hornaplenty New Member

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    Tau, it's admirable that you are trying to help the woman with her concern about her husband. I hope the man follows up on the advice.

    As for him being ashamed or feeling uneasy talking about his condition, all I can say is he should wise up. When I found myself losing my erections too quickly, or not being able to get a good hard one, I rushed to make an appointment with my urologist for help. The result was a prescription for Viagra, and "bingo", I've got every inch that's down there working again.
     
  9. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

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    a lot of men can't admit they have a problem. I was the same way, but at an appntmnt I just told the Doc I was having a problem. no problem, they gave me free samples of Viagra, and later Cialis. my problem is my wife is not interested in sex and she doesn't miss it apparently, which is different from the past, cuz she always liked a steady diet of cock. she is overweight, post menopause, and fuckin knows everything. I told her I have a prescription and we have had sex a few times, she thought it was neat that I took a pill and 45 minutes later, I rock hard and super large. but that enthusiasm was short lived. the number of times we have sex in a year, equals what we used to do in a day.
     
  10. maxcok

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    Do you (does she) know this for sure? Your OP didn't say that. Could you (she) be assuming? Has he told her this? Could he be lying? Maybe he just doesn't have any sex drive with her. Maybe he's beating off or getting it on the side or just not attracted to her anymore. The fact that he (allegedly) hasn't discussed it with his doctor could be a clue. If he's fit and otherwise healthy, late fifties is pretty young actually to be experiencing serious erectile disfunction. I'm not saying you (or she) are wrong, but there are a host of other possibilities to be considered here, not all of them medical.

    So what if you've met him? Do you really know what's going on? I'd be embarrassed too if my wife were discussing details of our sex life with her girlfriend, especially something this sensitive. For godsakes, don't try to discuss this with him. If you want to support your friend, encourage her to talk with him about it, and seek counselling if it's something nonmedical and they're both open to it. Other than that, there's really not much you can do that wouldn't seem intrusive to him.
     
  11. SpeedoMike

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    my advice: go to an M.D. or therapist, but TELL the person what he needs. they aren't fortune tellers.
     
  12. Tau

    Tau New Member

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    Thanks for all the fantastic responses - particularly about the testosterone problems. I'll certainly pass the info on to her.

    @maxcock - I wouldn't bring this up with him at all - I think its up to the two of them to work on it and work it out. As for him not being attracted to her... my hope is that he's a decent enough guy to let her know if he wasn't attracted to her. The thought of a man stringing along and lying to his wife like that is just shocking and its a kind of cruelty I don't think exists in their marriage. Again, I can't say for sure as I'm an outsider and only hear her side of things.
     
  13. maxcok

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    That was my point. Naturally you know your friends better than I, but who really knows what's going on? If their marriage is so tight, why would he be unwilling to discuss a health concern with his doctor that's of concern to her (presuming she's made that clear)? People lie, people rationalize things, and people get strung along all the time, even those you would never expect - people who say, "I never saw it coming". How many times have you heard of a "perfect couple" getting divorced? I'm not saying it's the case here at all, but it has to be considered as a possible explanation, regardless of her take on it.
     
    #13 maxcok, Sep 7, 2010
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2010
  14. indurance

    indurance New Member

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    He is getting some on the side or has a girl friend.
     
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