Age difference

[DukesFan]

Before I start here, I am a mature older gentleman I have a younger but very legal(20) year old man that wants to get involved with me.

He doesn't date women much but he is Bi and Proud of it and he is more of a loner but seems to have a hang up on me though I am old enough to be his Father?

What age difference, if any, do you feel is appropriate to date one another? I would doubt this would really last that long but he seems very lonely and needs to be with someone. I don't date men much at all as I am caring for an elderly dad but was just wondering general concensus what people thought? Is this a good idea for as long as it may last or bad? and Why for either answer.


Thanks for your input....

 

[meroki]

i don't know actually i'm 20 and i had an experience with an old mature man too i loved him he was lovely and kind and we had much fun.
so from my opinion i think there is no meaning for age difference in the love

 

[Hoss]

If you have a caring or living feeling for each other and enough similar interests such as sports or walks on the beach or in the woods or mountains etc. Etc. Then go for it.
You didn't say the difference in age as far as total years but we have a family member who married a man 24 years older than her....and 8t was not about money, they both have remained financially okay but not wealthy. They ended up with 3 kids and are still very happy and in love.

I once was with a gentleman 23 years older than me (always had a thing for the fatherly types). It was good for 7 years until he got cancer and then died.

Even if all the both of you want is some companionship and good sex for a while, go for it.

 

[Exbiker]

I'm 50.

Most of the men I see these days are 30s/40s. Some 50s, occasionally over 60s.

There was a guy recently in his 20s. But that was just for sex; if you want something more broadly based, I think 10 years either way is more likely to work well...

But.

Everyone is different. Some people put in more effort than others. Some people can rely on common ground like humour or opinions on various topics, more than others.

Do what feels right.

And just have someone to support you; a sounding board ...

Good luck whatever you do.

 

[DukesFan]

Thanks so much for your input guys I really appreciate it I am 57 he is 20 for him I honestly believe he wants in for the sex. and then just being friends and what comes with it. For me I am looking for the companionship 1st then the sex. I have no doubt he will be very Horny and good in bed but I don't want it just tobe about sex. There ismore to life than that but I can remember a his age all I thought about was getting laid and having a nice boner to play with inside me one way or the other so I am quie certain he is just fo rhte sex and wants it bad.. I have asked him if he is really sure he wants someone my age as opposwed to someone his own and he said yea.. I just want to make sure I am doing the right thing more for his sake than mine I am a mature man and can deal with anything he is young and impressionable. I just want to make sure I am doing the right things for him

 

[eric19831]

I think you should go for it. You will never know until you try. As you said, you are mature enough to handle it not working out.

 

[985282]

...seems to have a hang up on me though I am old enough to be his Father?

Just make sure you understand his ''hang up'' with you, before you take this any further.

 

[keenobserver]

As an older guy myself - I am where you are. I would go for it, but be prepared to have some issues in the long term. The age difference brings a lot of cultural issues that are simply different. He's going to see the world with a view that will be different than yours and at times it is jolting. His eyes will wander sooner or later so be prepared for an open relationship at some point. That said however there is a lot for both of you to enjoy for whatever time you both make for each other. His potential energy and vigor will remind you of the passions of your youth and your maturity and experience will potentially be a seasoning experience. You both will bring different things to the table (or bed) and you both will come away with different feelings about it in the long haul - but that is fine.

It's hard to predict where it will go, but it can be a great adventure if you are really open to an adventure. Good luck.

 

[Novaboy]

My partner and I have a 13.5 year age difference. We have been together for 21 years. We discussed it at the beginning and figured that being the same age was no guarantee of a good lasting relationship. We took the plunge and have built a wonderful life together.

 

[sundancer]

When I was 48 I met a young man who was 18. He was bisexual too. He kept wanting to date me, but I told him no. I felt I was too old for him. He kept asking me out, and finally I decided to go out with him. I figured he would get bored and leave quickly. When it started to be serious, I was afraid i would mess this kid up. I started researching relationships with large age differences. Stanford University had actually done a study. The participants had to have been out of the relationship for 5 years (to remove emotional responses) . This is what they found: Men, with younger women: The younger women said they were a trophy on the mans arm. The man did not care about them. Younger men with older men: The young man said it was the best experience of their life. They had opportunities they never would have had. They were loved unconditionally. . I decided to go for it and be with this kid. . So I was in a relationship with this young man for 5 years. He left at 23 to explore the world. . Now, 6 years later, he still says it was the best experience he has ever had. And now that he has sowed his wild oats, he would like to come back now that he is 30. . so, I say experience it. I loved that guy more than anything, and tho it about killed me when he left, I understood that he need to spread his wings and experience life. He gained valuable life experience from me, and I believe he is the man he is from his time with me. But I could be wrong.

 

[HarveyBallwanger]

There's an old saying: never date anyone who's younger than half your age plus seven years. I think it's not a bad yardstick.

Personally, I think someone being sexually attracted to someone who is barely sexually mature and 40 years their junior is not normal.

 

[3956]

There's an old saying: never date anyone who's younger than half your age plus seven years.

This was going to be my response.

Half + 7 as a general guideline

But then again, I know people who have 25+ years between them that have been happily married for years. So who knows?

 

[Scarletbegonia]

I've seen age gaps, of all sorts of gender combos, work, and I've seen them go so badly.

Things to meditate upon:
Is the gap an issue for you?
Do you feel the interest is in YOU or someone of such an AGE?
Do you want to be a teacher?
Is this person remotely financially aware, let alone stable?
Do you need heartache/do you need excitement?
Are you NOT getting taken advantage of?
What will you talk about?
How's his education versus yours, and his curiosity outside of the bedroom?

Things to (potentially) ask:
Why do you (the young man) find yourself attracted to older men, especially over twice your age?
Are you financially supporting yourself, and will you continue to do so?
What ended your last relationship?
What do you expect from me?
Do you have a relationship with your father or other family of that generation?

 

[tasty9]

I say, don't worry about the age difference. Yes, it will cause some issues, but there has never been a relationship without issues in the whole history of relationships. Enjoy each other, it's what we're here for. And also, I like to keep in mind that intergenerational relationships are the backbone of the gay community. We usually don't get born into families with gay parents, so we get our culture from our friends and lovers. Dating an older man is one of the best ways for a young man to learn about being gay (or bi), both culturally and for sexual experimentation. I'm close to 50 myself, and still date guys in their 20s/30s, and the age difference isn't really a problem. If he's clearly into you, and you don't think he's got ulterior motives, then I don't see why you shouldn't make each other happy.

 

[Brodie888]

To rule someone out just because of age is a bit short sighted.

A large age gap MAY mean you will have less in common, you might be at a different stage in life, you might have different sex drives, etc etc. But even when you date someone of similar age, there is no guarantees of having any of these either.

No relationship is perfect either. If the biggest problem you have is the age gap then you are lucky!

A good relationship is not necessarily one that lasts forever either. I know so many people who's lives are a misery because of relationships that have lasted way too long. If you bring each other happiness while it lasts then it's time well spent.

Yes, age gap increases the odds of incompatibility but you've got to at least get to know him as a person before making that decision.

 

[Fencepost]

Oftentimes it is our culture that creates the barriers, and not the individuals involved. I am 60, and I know in the United States I have almost zero chance of a serious relationship with a lady younger than 40. I believe much of this is due to cultural pressures, and not because of personality or attractiveness. Women from other countries, however, are already very different culturally, and often do not have hang-ups with age differences. The cultural differences are flavor to the mix, and the taboo against age difference is not a determinant. Go back 150 years in America, and you would see many older men marrying younger women. It was not extremely common, but it was not uncommon.

 

[Countryguy63]

Partner and I are 20 yrs apart in age. We've been together for 6 years now and are going stronger than ever.

 

[MisterB]

My husband of 1 1/2 years and I have been together since 1978. He is 15 years older than me. We waited to get married until we were sure our relationship would last.

 

[DukesFan]

I've seen age gaps, of all sorts of gender combos, work, and I've seen them go so badly.

Things to meditate upon:
Is the gap an issue for you?
Do you feel the interest is in YOU or someone of such an AGE?
Do you want to be a teacher?
Is this person remotely financially aware, let alone stable?
Do you need heartache/do you need excitement?
Are you NOT getting taken advantage of?
What will you talk about?
How's his education versus yours, and his curiosity outside of the bedroom?

Things to (potentially) ask:
Why do you (the young man) find yourself attracted to older men, especially over twice your age?
Are you financially supporting yourself, and will you continue to do so?
What ended your last relationship?
What do you expect from me?
Do you have a relationship with your father or other family of that generation?

Here are the answers to your questions:
To a point yes the difference is a issue as I want to do the right thing fo rhtis young man
I feel the attraction is definitely me. I know his family and he has always had a thing for me
No I don't want to be a teacher. He had had girlfriends they can be his teacher.
He is not financially well off just started a job money isn't an issue though I told him he has parents to get money from not me he is fine with that.
I need excitement. I am not looking for love just fun with the age difference ther eis no need for love I figure in 13 years he will be 33 I will be 70( if I am alive that long) I don't look for a long term experience here
I have never had a truly long relationship my last one the guys was early 20's and I was my present age 57 we knew from the beginning it wasn't going to last but both wanted and enjoyed the sex he is now married and a baby is on the way no long from now
I told him not to expect a whole lot he is curious because he likes women I believe this is a phase he is going through and I want to help him because I am a very understanding and noble guy that only wants to do the right thing but he knows eventually he will have to find someone his own age or go back to just women
we both have a great relationship with our fathers he just wants to be with a guy and I believe because he has known me for most of his he can trust me that I won't do anything to hurt him or make him feel like an idiot. as I said I just want to do right by him and help him but expect this won't be a long term thing

thanks for the questions and input you have put in

 

[Scarletbegonia]

Sounds like you have thought this through a good bit.

If you know his family, will this alter your interactions with the family? (Thinking about the age, and the assumption that the elder always uses the "innocent")