Do you make the first move or patiently hope for it to happen? Have you always been this way? What is generally your first move if you are the agressor?
Aggressor or Wallflower?
- Thread starter earllogjam
- Start date
Principessa
Expert Member
I'm shy and have a fear of rejection. I always wait for the guy to make the first move. :redface:
- Joined
- Aug 13, 2007
- Posts
- 364
- Media
- 29
- Likes
- 84
- Points
- 273
- Location
- Sydney (New South Wales, Australia)
- Verification
- View
- Sexuality
- 100% Straight, 0% Gay
- Gender
- Male
SyddyKitty
Admired Member
- Joined
- Aug 18, 2007
- Posts
- 2,432
- Media
- 0
- Likes
- 860
- Points
- 333
- Age
- 37
- Location
- Washington (United States)
- Sexuality
- 99% Gay, 1% Straight
- Gender
- Male
Again, the same. Shy and afraid of rejection, lacking social grace, etc..
and yes, I've "always" been this way since I started getting picked on in 5th grade.
and yes, I've "always" been this way since I started getting picked on in 5th grade.
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2007
- Posts
- 5,678
- Media
- 22
- Likes
- 7,406
- Points
- 368
- Location
- Eastcoast USA (NYC-Manhattan)
- Verification
- View
- Sexuality
- 50% Straight, 50% Gay
- Gender
- Male
Well, today I am not on the make, but if I were, I can't say that I would always make the first move. So, when I said YES to the above poll, it was not entirely the truth.
One of my favorite pastimes and joys in life is that of watching people. So, I tend to relax and lurk in the background, checking out my surroundings.
But, I'm not a shrinking violet, by any means. If I see someone that I think might like to get to know better, whether it be male or female, I have no reservations about going up and starting a conversation, with the hopes that something nice will happen.
I think one can immediately feel if a connection is possible or not. If it isn't, no harm for trying. Also, if it is a rejection, and believe you me there have been many of them, I always try to remember that it was I that initiated the contact, so I leave them with a smile and "glad to meet you", or "maybe next time", or something pleasant. It helps to dull my rejection, I think.
Actually rather than being aggressive, I prefer to think that I am assertive. To be aggressive means to be pushy, quarrelsome, etc. where assertive just means one is self-confident and positive.
So, have I always been assertive? Well, pretty much so.
One of my favorite pastimes and joys in life is that of watching people. So, I tend to relax and lurk in the background, checking out my surroundings.
But, I'm not a shrinking violet, by any means. If I see someone that I think might like to get to know better, whether it be male or female, I have no reservations about going up and starting a conversation, with the hopes that something nice will happen.
I think one can immediately feel if a connection is possible or not. If it isn't, no harm for trying. Also, if it is a rejection, and believe you me there have been many of them, I always try to remember that it was I that initiated the contact, so I leave them with a smile and "glad to meet you", or "maybe next time", or something pleasant. It helps to dull my rejection, I think.
Actually rather than being aggressive, I prefer to think that I am assertive. To be aggressive means to be pushy, quarrelsome, etc. where assertive just means one is self-confident and positive.
So, have I always been assertive? Well, pretty much so.
Really depends on the situation, socially I am more the wall flower type and just stick with my close friends. On a rare occasion, I will be the first one to approach the other person. Online I am a lot more the aggresor or chat it's just more out of friendliness to greet people.
Professionally, when I worked. I had to be more aggressive due to time contraints on my job and many times being the only Phlebotomist on my shift. When your covering 400 plus beds, ER, and Outpatient lab you have to be able to speak up and prioritize. If somebody told me a complain that was significant I would always track down their nurse as well or hit their call light.
Professionally, when I worked. I had to be more aggressive due to time contraints on my job and many times being the only Phlebotomist on my shift. When your covering 400 plus beds, ER, and Outpatient lab you have to be able to speak up and prioritize. If somebody told me a complain that was significant I would always track down their nurse as well or hit their call light.
Hmmmm.... interesting question.
I don't think anyone I know would ever call me a 'wallflower' because I am usually the centre of the entertainment.
However, when it comes to making the first move, in the past I haven't. Oh lord, that's not true!
I think I have just voted incorrectly!!
Hey... isn't it funny how your opinion of yourself can be quite incorrect!! :biggrin1:
I prefer not to make the first move.
But if the bloke won't, then I do hate to miss an opportunity, so will go ahead and manouvre so as to give him a chance to make one, hence I suppose I have just made 'said' 1st move... :redface:
Not that I have even done that for 20 years.... but still, had I not made the first move I would not be married now. Hmmmmmm that leads to even more food for thought......
I don't think anyone I know would ever call me a 'wallflower' because I am usually the centre of the entertainment.
However, when it comes to making the first move, in the past I haven't. Oh lord, that's not true!
I think I have just voted incorrectly!! Hey... isn't it funny how your opinion of yourself can be quite incorrect!! :biggrin1:
I prefer not to make the first move.
But if the bloke won't, then I do hate to miss an opportunity, so will go ahead and manouvre so as to give him a chance to make one, hence I suppose I have just made 'said' 1st move... :redface:
Not that I have even done that for 20 years.... but still, had I not made the first move I would not be married now. Hmmmmmm that leads to even more food for thought......
Osiris
Experimental Member
- Joined
- Jul 22, 2007
- Posts
- 2,666
- Media
- 0
- Likes
- 13
- Points
- 183
- Location
- Wherever the dolphins are going
- Sexuality
- No Response
- Gender
- Male
I'm very outgoing, but the one thing I can never do is spot when someone I am atracted to is also attracted to me. So I am a wallflower as I always get tongue tied around beautiful women I'm attracted to. When I have had to go out and ask a woman out, it is usually something simple. Coffee, lunch, etc. and test the waters. I used to be way to afraid of getting hurt to jump in feet first.
Me too! Has always been this way. My friends and I would go out and when we'd rendezvous later they'd go off on me asking me why I didn't go for this or that girl because she was into me and I'd look back at my friends like they had two heads. For me to catch on, a girl or guy practically has to throw themselves as me. Just not good at social signalling. I tend to believe people when they tell me things. Damn INTJness.
I am nearly always a wallflower EXCEPT when I get an overwhelming attraction and someone just clicks with me so well that I have got to explore it. Then I'm just driven. Doesn't mean I'm smooth about it :redface:, but if I ask someone out then it means there's much more to my desires than a quick fuck or even a casual relationship.
whatireallywant
Sexy Member
Usually more of a wallflower (being shy, fear of rejection, and all that), but I have asked guys out before! (Some rejected me but some accepted! So I figure that is also what happens to guys when they ask someone out...)
B_RedDude
Sexy Member
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2007
- Posts
- 1,929
- Media
- 0
- Likes
- 89
- Points
- 183
- Location
- California
- Sexuality
- 99% Gay, 1% Straight
- Gender
- Male
SpeedoGuy
Sexy Member
- Joined
- May 18, 2004
- Posts
- 4,166
- Media
- 7
- Likes
- 41
- Points
- 258
- Age
- 60
- Location
- Pacific Northwest, USA
- Sexuality
- 99% Straight, 1% Gay
- Gender
- Male
Ha!! I am there with you!
I think the name 'aggressor' kind of threw me a bit...
I have given this more thought over a liquid lunch.
I certainly don't see myself as an aggressor, but in everything I do, I do see myself as one who makes things happen.... so I perhaps am more or a manipulator which makes circumstances seem that the other is making the first move.... except I've already made it......
I put no. I am not the aggressor, and I always wait for someone to approach me. I've been this way my whole life, and have never asked a guy out on a date, or told a guy that I'm interested in him.
This has caused me problems my whole life, and is causing me problems currently with a guy I've had a crush on for months. *sigh*
The problem is... if he was a member on LPSG, and opted to take this little poll, I think his answer would be the same as mine.
This has caused me problems my whole life, and is causing me problems currently with a guy I've had a crush on for months. *sigh*
The problem is... if he was a member on LPSG, and opted to take this little poll, I think his answer would be the same as mine.
I put no. I am not the aggressor, and I always wait for someone to approach me. I've been this way my whole life, and have never asked a guy out on a date, or told a guy that I'm interested in him.
This has caused me problems my whole life, and is causing me problems currently with a guy I've had a crush on for months. *sigh*
The problem is... if he was a member on LPSG, and opted to take this little poll, I think his answer would be the same as mine.
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Go for it... you have nothing to lose....
Just get yourself infront of him on some pretext, give him the opportunity to chat/help/advise and get it going!!!
Life is too short to waste opportunities!! :wink:
Similar threads
