Airplane Mechanics

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by dcwrestlefan, Aug 9, 2006.

  1. dcwrestlefan

    Gold Member

    Feb 10, 2005
    Likes Received:
    Wish ClaireTalon was around to read this. Wonder whether it's real or not. :smile:
    Subject: Airline Mechanics with a Sense of Humor

    Airline Mechanics with a Sense of Humor

    Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a
    college degree to fly a plane but only a high school
    diploma to fix one.

    Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our

    After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form,
    called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about
    problems with the aircraft.

    The mechanics correct the problems, document their
    repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe
    sheets before the next flight.

    Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of

    Here are some actual maintenance complaint s submitted
    by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions
    recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

    By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has
    never, ever, had an accident.

    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
    per minute descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what friction locks are for.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    And the best one for last..................

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
    like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget
  2. ClaireTalon

    Gold Member

    Nov 10, 2005
    Likes Received:
    Puget Sound
    Never fails to make me laugh, this thing. But I guess United, British, Aeroflot and Quantas all have the same problems. This was pinned to the wall in our squad room, and I've read it on several other aviation-related walls too. However, you missed my favorite:

    P_ Radio squeals like stabbed pig.
    M_ Stabbed pig removed from radio. BBQ next saturday behind hangar.
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