I look forward to fewer airports in my life since my job has changed. But I have seen more airports than I've had hot dinners. (at least since they stopped serving hot dinners on a plane.) If my air miles were dollars, I'd be a rich man.
Many of the more prominent good/bad airports have been mentioned. Let me endorse them, and add some more.
WORST AIRPORT
Malpensa:
The airport equivalent of Tony Soprano's house. 50 kilometers from the city? That's comparable with Narita, except at Narita there's a reason. Consolation prize: Linate's worse. Cab driver insanity level: 8.5
Mumbai:
In India, confronting poverty is inescapable. And it starts at the airport. In most parts of the world, authorities keep nearby residents away from planes; in Mumbai, people live in the quadrants formed by the intersecting runways. I visited during the festival of Diwili (sp?), and as the plane landed, the locals were setting off fireworks in their backyards. Um...do planes and fireworks mix? Cab driver insanity level: 3--he stayed remarkably cool as our Ambassador was mobbed by beggars.
Heathrow:
Sad, dull, grey, cement 1970's Glasgow council flats are the obvious inspiration. And they keep building more terminals rather than fixing the ones they've got. Impossible to find which terminal your flight departs from. Since I'm such a frequent traveller, I get to use the British Airways lounge, in which I can never find a seat, so I generally find myself at the cheesy fake pub downing a Grolsch. Love the Heathrow Express, though. Cab driver insanity level: 0. It's London, after all.
Adelaide West Beach:
I know Adelaide is a mere provincial city, but there's no excuse for an Australian state capital having an airport that looks like the inside of your school gym (only with a lower ceiling). And you need to WALK ACROSS THE TARMAC TO THE PLANE! An international terminal that's a crappy afterthought--one, single, lonely gate. At least it's only three and a half kilometers from the CBD. Cab driver insanity level: 2 if you sit in the front seat, 4 in the back.
Sheremetyevo:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. Traveller insanity level if you take a cab: 10+. Hotel car driver insanity level: 9.5. "Checking out today, Mr Headbang? I have one of our best drivers to take you to the airport, Dmitri is very fast."
(That said, one of the easiest and safest ways to get around Moscow is simply to hail a passing motorist and offer him around three dollars to take you where you want to go.)
O'Hare, especially Terminal 5 (international arrivals):
I have NEVER made a timely connection here. Rechecking baggage takes forever, you sit for hours on the runway, the SkyTrain is marginally faster than a Radio Flyer. Whenever I point out to an airline/airport employee that this state of affairs needs some attention, they snap back that it ain't easy running the world's busiest airport. My replies are various--1) You should visit your rivals to that claim--Atlanta, Frankfurt, Amsterdam, DFW, or even Newark, for chrissakes, and see how many fewer times you are delayed 2) Then why don't you build another fucking airport, you dimwits. Cab driver insanity level: unknown. I've never made it out of the terminal.
Kimpo and Incheon:
Incheon airport in Seoul is a real showpiece. But it takes two hours to get there on a good day. And fog closes it half the time. Once, my flight was diverted form Incheon to Kimpo (the old airport) thanks to fog, and we sat on the tarmac for two hours while they drove the stairs from one airport to the other. (United didn't have landing rights at Kimpo, so they couldn't just borrow some stairs from Korean Air, or even talk to them, it seems.) Cab driver insanity level: 7. They're not much bothered by fog, especially since the car is likely to be filled with their cigarette smoke.
Wellington:
The land on which the airport was built didn't exist in 1900, but a convenient earthquake raised it from an undersea isthmus to a buildable swamp. I am told that pilots are on standby to abort their landing if Nature suddnly reverses herself. That means people live close to the runways and flight paths, too, a la Mumbai or Kai Tak. Strong winds make landing a challenge. Keep your barf bag handy. Cab driver insanity level: 2 by New Zealand standards.
BEST AIRPORTS
Melbourne:
Clean, efficient, great shopping. The airport Hilton reminds me of a W. Qantas Club Lounge is a godsend and even has its own bookstore. Cab driver insanity level: nominal. And unlike in other Australian cities, the cabs are all painted the same colour so you can identify one. Onya, Jeff.
Haneda:
Unlike Narita, which has its logistical problems, Tokyo's domestic airport is a delight. 20 minutes from the centre of town. Fast, efficient, impeccable security checks. And a six story shopping and restaurant complex. Never once had a delayed flight. Cab driver insanity level: don't take a cab, catch the groovy monorail from Hamamatsucho.
Hiroshima:
Unbelievably dramatic setting. There's almost no level land around Hiroshima that doesn't have a Mazda factory on it. So they sliced the top off a mountain to make a level surface. The approach lights for the runway are built on gantries over the sides. Breathtaking. Cab driver insanity level: extreme, since only a madman would drive the road up the mountain.
Newark Liberty:
God bless Chapter 11; it seems to have helped Continental make capital investment in ground facilities. Cab driver insanity level: difficult to tell, since no New York cab driver will go there.
World Champion Airport: Chep Lap Kok
Aside from having a name that sounds like a dance which the stripper might perform in a gay bar (always a good start) the place is spectacular, entertaining, and performs like clockwork. I have made incredibly tight transcontinental connections with no trouble. You can take an elecric taxi
inside the terminal. Duty free heaven. Cab driver insanity level: n/a. It's a 15 minute train ride from Central or Kowloon. You can walk to the train from most hotels.
Since all those arduous air miles made me OneWorld royalty, I used to have access to the Cathay Pacific First Class lounge. Awesome wine list. Decadent buffet. Superb noodle bar. If you want to take a shower, they don't just have a bathroom for you. They usher you into a decent-sized room with a leather upholstered massage table, spa tub and shower, where someone has drawn a warm bath. You can relax there as long as you like--never long enough, alas, since CP is generally on time. There's a water feature and strategically placed mirrors for perfect feng shui.
I rather regret that my now more modest travel schedule will deprive me of this privelege in future. Oh, well. Back to the pub at Heathrow, I guess.
hb8
