alcohol and kids

[twoton]

There's a history of alcohol abuse in my family. Specifically, my mom gets drunk all too frequently. (of course, how often should a woman in her late 70s be getting drunk? ). She's been doing it all my life, and probably since her late teens. She's always very secretive about it. She'll never, ever get drunk at a party, for example. But she'll stash a glass of vermouth in a desk drawer.

Several years ago we finally convinced her to see a counselor, who proclaimed her NOT to be an alcoholic. My own diagnosis is that she medicates her anxiety/depression with alcohol.

My father-in-law has a tendency to drink too much, too frequently, but again, he's not an alcoholic.

I'm not sure how to approach alcohol with my kids. At their age, they're not exposed to it, other than when I have a beer once in a while. I can see some characteristics in them that might lead them down the path my mom took.

I'm not sure how to handle the situation. At some point, they'll have to make their own decisions. I don't want them to go into it blind. On the other hand, I don't want them to get the idea that a drink once in a while is o.k., because given the family history, that's an iffy proposition. I'm especially concerned about my Jr. High daughter, whose personality is very similar to my mom's.

 

[D_kltuf]

My Great-Grandmother died of being an alcoholic, as did many of her close relatives. My Grandfather (her son) drinks a lot, and clearly has some depressive tendencies. So I definitely understand why you're worried, because my Mother has a paranoia about me and my siblings drinking too much.

You just have to be totally honest with them. If you say 'don't drink, it's terrible and you'll become an alcoholic', they won't listen to you, and will probably end up drinking a lot. Similarly, if you don't say a word, you will end up feeling incredibly anxious and will drive yourself crazy with 'what ifs'.

I say, just wait until your kids are old enough to understand (early teens) and just tell it to them as honestly as you've written here. Tell them they have to be careful and don't lie to them about their family history. Being truthful is the best way.

 

[D_Kitten_Kaboodle]

google "alocholism and heredity" to find information that you can share with your family.

a person may be predisposed to become an alocholic (doesn't mean they will) but they run a higher risk if it runs in the family. Of course peer pressure plays a big role in this issue as well.

My grandfather was an alocholic.
Neither of my parents drank because they saw the effect it had on his life (he died in his early 50's....a very old (young) man).

I did not know him, but heard stories.
When I turned 21, I started drinking...socially. A year after I started drinking, I stopped...cold turkey, because one night, I pushed the limits and it scared the hell out of me. I am a strong willed person, so stopping was easy for me. (Edit: I did not have a drink at all for almost 30 years. Now, I limit to one drink ...about 3-4 times a week...in the hot tub at the end of the day.)

Personality type is very important.
Share what you know and educate. Talk and ask questions.

Ulitmately they will make their own choices, hopefully, after they become an adult.
Remember that your example makes a huge impact.
We learn what to do (and what NOT to do) by watching those we love.

"Secret" alcoholics....and yes, if she is hiding the liquor... this is more of a problem that the doctor sees...are difficult to address. But behavior is not (why does he/she say such things? do such things? sleep all the time? etc....)

and essex gave some good advice, as well. Be honest and don't try to cover up or make excuses for your mother and father-in-law's behavior.

 

[OhWiseOne]

No need to add to what has already been said. My only comment is don't shove your stance down their throats. Because the last thing you want is a child that say's "I will show him".
If your kids are solid emotionally they will more than likely make good choices. But be prepared they will fuck up as we all do in some way during our youth.

 

[twoton]

Thanks for the advice. Just as a follow-up, my mom got popped for DUI. Thankfully, she finally realized that she needs to get help for her anxiety, and she finally realizes that the booze was self-medication. She didn't realize how bad the anxiety is until she stopped drinking, which she did after her arrest.

Not an easy thing to deal with, having one's own mother arrested for DUI at nearly 80 years of age.

She got into an ARD program, will have her license temporarily suspended, pay some fines. She was very, very close to facing possible jail time. Not that they'd put a woman her age in jail, would they?

 

[B_Hickboy]

They might.

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