Alcohol and the Dating Game

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Jovial, Dec 4, 2007.

  1. Jovial

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2006
    Messages:
    2,404
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    CA
    Is it easier to date (or meet people) if you drink alcohol? Or maybe I should ask, are nondrinkers at a disadvantage when dating?

    A friend once said that it just gives something in common, like for something to do a guy and girl (or another guy) can go to a new club and have a few drinks. Or it's just a way to reduce anxiety and socialize.

    And if someone doesn't drink, do they come across as an oddball, as someone that doesn't want to conform? or someone that doesn't like to have fun?

    I hear more stories of problems that drinking causes in relationships, from cheating to becoming abusive to spending too much time with drinking buddies. So it seems like it should be a plus in the long-term if someone doesn't drink. But it seems like a lot of young women go after the bad boy partying drinking types. I guess it's the whole culture of clubbing.

    So what's your take on alcohol and the dating game?
     
  2. ActionBuddy

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2006
    Messages:
    7,043
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    6,422
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Seattle (WA, US)
    Afraid so... Yes, yes and yes.
     
  3. The Dragon

    The Dragon New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2007
    Messages:
    6,278
    Likes Received:
    6
    Dating doesn't depend on drinking, and if you don't want to you shouldn't feel pressured into conforming.
    It's about being adult enough to respect the other persons personal choice.
    There a lot of places you can met a nice girl that isn't a bar type sitiuation.
    The park, Starbucks, the Hardware store, the Gym etc.
     
  4. Jovial

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2006
    Messages:
    2,404
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    CA
    Yeah, but people usually aren't at those places to meet other people, so it's more difficult.
     
  5. kazooplayer

    kazooplayer New Member

    Joined:
    May 12, 2007
    Messages:
    415
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York
    It's much easier to meet people whilst drinking, yes.
     
  6. Ethyl

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2006
    Messages:
    5,476
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    495
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Philadelphia (PA, US)
    I drink but I respected those who chose not to. Some are abstainers for various personal reasons. One of my dates was a former alcoholic so I understood his need to stay away from imbibing. I've never had a problem going out on dates with guys who didn't drink. If I wanted a drink, i'd buy one.

    I think the worst dates were the ones who kept trying to get me to drink more. My rule of thumb was two drinks on a date and when guys started pushing me to drink more, it would irk me. I wanted my wits about me when I was out with someone i'd just met.
     
  7. Principessa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    19,494
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    I think if less people drank there would be a drop in the pre-dawn walk of shame.

     
  8. Mr. Snakey

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2006
    Messages:
    24,702
    Likes Received:
    25
    You can go to a Club or Bar and not drink. While the other men get drunk and become slobs you will shine and become more relaxed as you see how others act.
     
  9. whatireallywant

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2007
    Messages:
    3,587
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Female
    Totally agreed! The one asshole I talk about on here was one of those who tried to get me to drink more. Sorry, but I really prefer not to get sick and have a hangover, you know? The next guy I dated after him, though, was my LTR, who is a non-drinker because he's allergic to alcohol. He's fine with being designated driver and all that though. :smile: I personally don't drink all that much either - again, I really don't like getting sick and having a hangover! I'll drink a little but not that much.
     
  10. Bbucko

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2006
    Messages:
    7,413
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sunny SoFla
    Drinking, carousing and having a blast is huge fun. It's probably not the best way to meet a life partner, but then again, one never knows what one will find out and about if always on the computer :rolleyes: .

    But drinking, drugs and sex are not a wise combination. Along with inhibitions it's too easy to loose judgment and wind up with something (DUI, pregnancy, STDs) you hadn't anticipated.
     
  11. RamIt

    RamIt Member

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2007
    Messages:
    301
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male

    I hate those guys.
     
  12. Jovial

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2006
    Messages:
    2,404
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    CA
    What I don't understand is why not drinking is something that requires acceptance. It like it's a flaw that other people are willing to accept. It's like if a smoker said he respected and was willing to date a nonsmoker most people would laugh because we'd think the smoker should be the one looking for acceptance not the other way around.

    I've seen many relationships in my life where the guy's drinking was a problem in the relationship, at least a source of friction. And I'd bet most of the women on here have had boyfriends that they wish drank less. It seems like the women accept the drinking because they figure most people drink so it's just something they need to accept in a relationship.

    And while some drinkers point out the studies that show a drink of wine each day can lower the risk of heart disease, most people drink amounts that are clearly not healthy. It's not something that happens overnight, but getting drunk every weekend for 10+ years will show its effects.

    Given these things it seems like it should be a plus to find someone that doesn't drink whereas in reality it seems like a minus. The reaction when someone tells someone else they don't drink isn't "That's great!", it's usually a confused look wondering what is wrong with the person.

    I guess because most people drink, if someone chooses to only date nondrinkers they would severely limit their dating pool. So even if someone thought nondrinking was a desirable quality, in practice they don't actively seek it.(?)

    On the other hand, most people for better or worse like to have a few drinks every so often, so they would want their partner to enjoy that time with them. Which is my point that not drinking is probably a disadvantage when trying to meet someone for a long-term relationship.
     
  13. B_New End

    B_New End New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2007
    Messages:
    3,029
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    WA
    And you think you look cool laughing at the guys on the dance floor too.
     
  14. hotpony501

    hotpony501 New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2007
    Messages:
    34
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Houston
    One thing I know for sure is that I wouldn't have engaged with two other guys in a threesome the first time if I hadn't been shit-faced! The second time, sans the alcohol, it was easier and a hell of a lot more fun.:biggrin1:
     
  15. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2006
    Messages:
    10,742
    Likes Received:
    17
    Gender:
    Female
    If I wasn't drunk as fuck I wouldn't have had a girls tongue down my throat the other weekend.
     
  16. SpeedoGuy

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 18, 2004
    Messages:
    4,229
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    10
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Pacific Northwest, USA
    I try not to regard those who decline to drink as party poopers. There are some good reasons why many choose not to.

    However, if a potential date makes a point of assuming a holier-than-thou or other judgmental posture about not drinking, well, they're less likely to remain potential dates in my eyes.
     
  17. whatireallywant

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2007
    Messages:
    3,587
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Female
    I'm like that too. I'm willing to date non-drinkers or light/moderate social drinkers (I'm in that category, more "light" than "moderate"), but am not likely to date (for very long anyway) a heavy drinker or a holier-than-thou nondrinker.
     
  18. Jovial

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2006
    Messages:
    2,404
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    CA
    Why do nondrinkers need a good reason to not drink? It sounds like you have a holier-than-thou attitude by saying that. If a nondrinker said he doesn't mind if someone drinks as long as they have a good reason, that would sound holier-than-thou. And what are the good reasons to drink anyway?

    You have the right to date whomever you want. I'm just not sure what the benefit is to dating a drinker over a nondrinker.
     
  19. str82fcuk

    str82fcuk Member

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2007
    Messages:
    516
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Glasgow ... (formerly Johannesburg, Montreal)
    After I gave up drinking I had no sex for nine years. Before that I had lots. But now I've found other ways of relaxing and meeting people. I dont mind people drinking a little but I cant go to places with crowds of drunk people or crowds of smokers either (I gave up smoking only five years ago but now really cant stand cigarettes) so now I've become a party pooper lol, no not really, now I just make my own party on my own terms, and sometimes other people join in :)
     
  20. whatireallywant

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2007
    Messages:
    3,587
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Female
    I think I know what SpeedoGuy was referring to here. Many people don't drink because they are recovering alcoholics, or they are allergic to alcohol, or because of medications they are taking, or they don't like the taste. However, I have known a lot of (religious fundamentalist) nondrinkers who are very pushy about it and try to tell everyone how to live their lives. That is what bugs me. I grew up around a lot of this. It isn't even so much just the not drinking - it's the pushy holier-than-thou personality in general.

    For example, I briefly dated a guy like this, and broke up when he said that one of my friends was going to hell because she was Jewish rather than a born-again Christian. The anti-drinking was just a part of a whole that I found very obnoxious. This guy would've been a great match for my female cousins, who feel the same way. However, I have a very different attitude.

    However, I have no problem dating nondrinkers who have the reasons like I mentioned in the first paragraph here. My LTR guy is a nondrinker because he's allergic to alcohol. I'd rather have that than a heavy drinker (like the second guy I dated) any day. But spare me the Bible-thumpers!!!
     
Draft saved Draft deleted