All My Rowdy Friends are Breaking Down

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by BiItalianBro, Jan 23, 2009.

  1. BiItalianBro

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    Mornin' penis people....just have to get something off my chest here...sort of relates to 'bromance' and drama queens... any advice is appreciated.

    I know we live in stressful times, as this is the first 'real' recession many of us under 45 have been through in our adult lives. Personally, I am holding onto my job by my fingernails and take it day by day. My problem is that some of my close friends..men and women who have been reasonable and supportive for years and years.....are going totally batshit on me :frown1:. It is getting to the point where I dont want to turn on my cell phone, and when I do, I have at least 10 drunken or psycho voicemails and text messages from my friends whinning/complaining/bored/professing their love...bemoaning the lack of love/depressed, etc.

    We all go through stuff...and I want to be a good friend: but some of these people are so high up on the cross its not funny.... and reasoning with someone who has been drinking since the crack of noon is like trying to herd cats. Like I said, this is not just one or two people...this is like... ten of them. If this was just a casual acquaintance I would just drop them...but these are long-term friends. I have tried to listen, but after a while their arguments get circular; and any advice is shot down with "you just dont understand"..yet they go on and on and on and on and on :mad:

    Thanks for reading this...its been eating at me for the past couple months, but seems to have gotten really bad since the holidays. Anyone else dealing with this?
     
  2. Charles Finn

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    hang in there this is a very rough time for most of us.
    long term friends need to stick together.
    I am so glad to have my close friends so many have died and turned out to be false friends.
     
  3. Not_Punny

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    Well, now, isn't this posting another version of what THEY are doing?! :biggrin:

    Sorry, couldn't resist.

    My sympathies.

    But you know, you don't HAVE to take the call or listen to the voicemail... :rolleyes:

    PS: I like that expression, "like herding cats..." :wink:
     
  4. ZOS23xy

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    My daughter and new son in law drove in from Montana and set up camp.

    Finding a good job is a priority for them. Even though what is offered now is waitressing and burger flipping.

    And the jobs they wwant--like my wife and I have--cival service, have been pared to the bone and frozen for the time being.
     
  5. D_Caesar Titts

    D_Caesar Titts New Member

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    I know what you mean.

    I work with someone that likes to offload all their personal woes onto me.

    I've found that I'm starting to dread coming in on a Monday, as I KNOW some sort of shite has kicked off with the family on the weekend, and I'm going be the ear that hears it all.

    How do you draw a line, and politely ask them to shut the fook up, without their feelings being hurt?
     
  6. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    Dude,

    It's legitimate; your friends sound really upset and that they need a friend to comfort them. I think you should try to listen to them and be sensitive to what they're going through and maybe even commiserate with them a little bit if you can. And I think you should tell 'em you want to be there, but that (especially) the drunken phone calls have to come to a close. That's the problem. While the job situation is certainly stressful, drinking yourself stupid won't make it any better, especially if they get careless about drinking and supervisors pick up on that. This is all a part of setting boundaries, letting your friends know that you care while emphasizing how they can be respectful toward you in the process.
     
  7. BiItalianBro

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    #7 BiItalianBro, Jan 23, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2009
  8. Pierced7.5

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    I am in that same boat exactly. Well not as much as before. The sucky part is that they are all coming to you cause you are such a good listener. You must have lots of really deep conversations with almost all of them already and they find you to be the only person that they can be open and honest with. So, it really is a HUGE complement to you.

    Ok, that being said,, it is extremly annoying. I had a close close close friend who only talked negative. I let it go for a while a year maybe but it never changed. I realized that I was a friend to him but he was never a friend to me. Yes it sounds selfish but it really boiled down to that. I got a call when he needed to talk. He came over and only talked about crappy life stuff. Never asked anything about me. Again i know that is selfish but you see, i always ask about people. I am aware that they do not need to answer me but i am always genuinly interested in how they are feeling and doing. It isnt really that difficult to just ask.

    Anyway, I think if these are good friends going through a rough patch, then just stick it out. You have the skills and ability to be what they need right now. But IMHO if that never changes, then you have to fix it. It isnt selfish it is just that somethings require dual support. One cannot ball room dance alone. There are some thngs that you just cant do alone and it isnt selfish to realize that.

    That does not solve the issue, but...well, those were my two cents.
     
  9. rbkwp

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    And its only just begun.. biItalianBro
    If yr friends have often found you an easy listening ear .. then i feel for you and can only suggest to you .. protect yrself
    ie yr own preservation comes first
    we are ALL in the same boat ..maybe some will cope better.
    Perhaps leave a message on yr answer phone saying ..you will get back to them if its REAL important
    (you will soon pick out the real genuine cases that need yr support)
    I learnt long ago...look after yrself first-anything left over-..than you may well have Quality stuff to give out
    NO sense in 'just being a listening ear'
    Nothing can get yourself down ..any quicker...than being an overly friendy listener (often the folk chatting in yr ear just dont realize the effect it could be having on you'-not to mention so time consuming)
    That.is my experience
    ALL the BEST matey
    enz
    afraid to say it but i will BE TUFF'
     
  10. goodwood

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    biitalianbro -
    sorry to hear this. i know exactly of what you speak. i have been having an escalated number of calls from friends exactly as you describe. drunk, high, strung out - you name it.
    when this first started happening of course i was concerned and listened and gave advice and then the next day or two after - they didn't even remember talking with me.
    SO - if i take a call and a friend is not quite him or herself, i flat out tell them that i can't talk and that we will catch up another time. again - a day or two later, they don't even remember THAT.
    if there is a serious issue that persists, with my friends, i check in when i know they are more likely to be sober and straight and if they can articulate the problem, then we can have a conversation.
    but wow. ten all at once? i guess it is a pain in the ass to be you right about now. sorry. good luck though.
     
  11. B_Nick4444

    B_Nick4444 New Member

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    just listen -- that's all they're asking for

    (thankfully, I don't know anyone like that:smile:)
     
  12. Hippie Hollow Girl

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    It is a sad and depressing time. Yesterday where my husband works there was another round of lay offs. So, while I don't exactly know what to tell you.....I think the best thing you can do is for you to be an ear and listen to them.

    About the listening to them after they have been drinking......Tell them to call you back after they have sobered up. There is nothing worse than having to listen to someone talk when they have been drinking. I refuse to listen to that garbage. (I have a brother in law that has a drinking problem)

    Drinking doesn't help problems.......it only creates problems or make problems worse.

    Keep hanging on to your job if you can.
     
  13. lokican

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    Wow I had no idea things were that bad in the United States. Just out of curiosity are they unemployed now and spending the day drinking?
    I remember going through a real right patch through my life and needing the help of my friends. To be honest not all of them stayed, which was really disappointing but I can't say I blame them, I was a real emotional wreck. I say take some time off and make it so you can't be reached at certain times. That said be there when you can, either emotionally or when you have time because you may end in a similar situation.
     
  14. BiItalianBro

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    Thanks for the feedback guys n gals, I really appreciate it allot! I was out last night with some buddies and got 2 'CALL ME NOW-911" text messages and just turned my phone off. I hate to be a dick like that, but just need some time to myself. Today and tomorrow I have my kids and im going to keep my focus on them.

    A few of them are unemployed Lokian and yea, they are spending their free time getting hammered. I have made it clear that talking to them when they are blotto is pointless, and at that point one of them plays the suicide card :-/. The rest of them are just hyperstressed...working with a knife over their heads (like me lol), knowing that their jobs could disappear without notice. They are just acting this out in such bizarre ways. Some are drinking way to much, 3 (2 guys one girl) of them want to turn out friendship into a seuxal thing and the rest, well..... lol. I am a good listener and yea, allot of friendship is just being there. My personality has allot to do with it , as I just have a thin skin for professional victims. Like i said earlier...dont solicit advise then throw it back in my face with "WELL YOU DONT UNDERSTAND" or, in Adam, Jay and Tracy's case..imply that having sex with them and living happily ever after will make everything 'better'.

    Like i said...these are people I have know for years...and have always been rational and grounded folks. Thats what so crazy about this. Anyway...thank you all again...just venting has helped ALLOT!
     
    #14 BiItalianBro, Jan 24, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2009
  15. nudeyorker

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    My best advice is to talk to your friends in a sober moment when their reasoning skills are in focus and set some ground rules.
    One thing that I have learned is that my telephone is for my convenience and not others. I have no problem turning it off.
    Good luck!
     
  16. BiItalianBro

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    :biggrin1::eek::cool: Thats GREAT!!!!
     
  17. MarioKarting

    MarioKarting New Member

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    Just read KillerB's post about unwanted sexual requests from close friends, and now I'm also interested in how this situation has been for you in the last month, BiItalianBro? Seemed like it was culminating in the need for you to vent about a good number of other people wanting to vent; their stress adding to your stress. How's this gone since then?
     
  18. Guardian100

    Guardian100 Member

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    I think the fact that they're calling you to unload means that they look up to you, you're their rock :smile:.
     
  19. sexplease

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    be prepared.

    Our current fractional money system fails individuals. Like musical chairs.

    Those who push paper and often have no technical skills loose. Like bankers, stock brokers, politicians, lawyers. they are only necessary in this money system. And, they tend to skim off more than they contribute to society. I'm guessing your friends are white collar workers.
    Some of the great economists and Nobel Laureates agree that the worlds banking system is nearing it's end. It is a pyramid scheme.

    Problem solving 101.
    Isolate the problem ( or challenge)
    Identify solution(s)
    Implement solution(s)

    start with some understandable information

    Zeitgeist - Addendum
    Zeitgeist: Addendum

    Money As Debt
    money as debt - Google Video

    I.O.U.S.A.
    money as debt - Google Video
     
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