I don't know why.
Almost everything.
Being touched makes me nervous, I have a hard time hugging my own mother.
When someone touches me my stomach rolls over and I feel shaky and like I wanna vomit.
I just got finished talking to my mother: she told me she loved my and she believes in me, and she told me a lot of other things any normal child would wanna hear.
Then entire time it was going on I just felt uncomfortable and after she left I just felt hollow and depressed.
Whether it's a loving encounter or one filled with rage or fright, I always have the same emotional response.
It makes life really confusing.
Some people fear nothing and then there are those who their whole life is run by fear.
Maybe you're right there between HORRIFIC & OMG! The good news is that you're human. And there really isn't any bad news, bad would've been you being in denial of your feelings, just knowing you have a problem is a huge step in the right direction.
This is not something you can just wave a majic wand over and everythings cherry.
Most fears are fueled by people, places, or things that have hurt us in the past or did not go as planned and the easier softer way is to just stuff those feelings rather than overcome them.
This is a normal reaction, if you stick your finger in a fireplace you know before hand that it's going to hurt.
You know this because at one time you stuck your finger in the fireplace and your experience is that it hurts.
So in your head everytime you see a fireplace your brain sends out a singnal saying hey if I stick my finger in that fireplace it's going to hurt like hell, let's just not go there, it's best if i just stay clear of the whole situation.
In my rational mind I know that wearing gloves will prevent me from getting burned but my fear says, man that's alot of trouble since I don't have a pair of gloves plus I'd have to go through the trouble of getting a pair of gloves and I don't even know what size or color I want which brings me back to just saying fuck all this.
* now where is that roach I saved so I can forget I was even thinking about getting gloves *
The truth is that we can talk ourselves out of just about anything that makes us feel uncomfortable, we can become masters at rationalizing and justifying a bunch of nonsense.
OK, so now that you know how your body, mind, and spirit are hadicaped by your fear of the unkown it's time to move forward.
Right now you're saying, What does he mean by unkown?
Unkown are your feelings of happiness, joy, and freedom from overcoming your fears, this is the only thing holding you back.
The reason it's so hard to overcome these feelings of fear are because they are what you know best, and with knowing something well you always know the outcome vs. not knowing how you'll feel on the other side of the fence.
Not knowing how you'll take being ok with something that for years seemed like a cirlcle trying to fit into a triangle is a very daunting task, whatever you do don't give up on yourself.
Remember, the only thing that's going to change you is change itself.