Almost everything everyone does makes me feel upset.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by mephistopheles, Jul 21, 2011.

  1. mephistopheles

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    I don't know why.

    Almost everything.

    Being touched makes me nervous, I have a hard time hugging my own mother.
    When someone touches me my stomach rolls over and I feel shaky and like I wanna vomit.

    I just got finished talking to my mother: she told me she loved my and she believes in me, and she told me a lot of other things any normal child would wanna hear.

    Then entire time it was going on I just felt uncomfortable and after she left I just felt hollow and depressed.

    Whether it's a loving encounter or one filled with rage or fright, I always have the same emotional response.

    It makes life really confusing.
     
    #1 mephistopheles, Jul 21, 2011
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2011
  2. dolfette

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    always? or just recently?
    aspergers, autism, depression, history of abuse...there are lots of reasons why people are funny about being touched.
    how you feel is more common than you imagine.
     
  3. karldergrosse

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    It's definitely time for you to see your doctor for a thorough medical check-up. If he finds no physical cause, then you desperately need to see a good therapist. To go through life in your current condition has be soul-deadening.....
     
  4. dolfette

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    i agree with the first part, but not the second.

    it's ok not to like physical contact. the main issue is often social pressure and feelings of being faulty. whether it's something that can be, or even should be cured depends upon the causes of the issue and the needs of the person involved.
     
  5. karldergrosse

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    Yes, dolfette, being touched--physical contact--is one thing, but surely always feeling "hollow and depressed" is quite another--not so "okay".....
     
    #5 karldergrosse, Jul 21, 2011
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2011
  6. coachreffn

    coachreffn Active Member

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    Please seek medical advice. Get a thorough physical and not just a cursory one. A man of your age could get away with just a mild over all physical and that might not surface a possible problem. Talk to your doctor openly and freely about how you feel. Just saying the things you shared in this thread are very important. There might be many reasons for you feeling this way but it is good first to check out the physical...and then you can work on the other. Certainly Asperger's does come to mind but your doctor will be able to assist you. Stick in there.
     
  7. dolfette

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    true, but those feelings are common in undiagnosed aspergers sufferers. not because they're depressed, but because they know they don't feel how 'normal' people feel.

    i'm not diagnosing him as aspergers here. it's just one of the reasons why people sometimes feel this way.
     
  8. D_Fred Flintstones

    D_Fred Flintstones New Member

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    @ mephistopheles i used to be nervous when i was younger to maybe if you try taking control insed of the other way round jst once you mite be able o get over it
    hope this helps
     
  9. mephistopheles

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    Thanks for your concern guys, I've been looking into finding a therapist I like, which is kind of difficult because it seems all they want to do is put me on the same meds that haven't worked over and over again.

    So I'm having to seek out other resources in my area, which is insanely difficult because of the recently disaster that occured here.

    A month and a half until I get my first appt with my new doc.
     
  10. Guy-jin

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    Try smoking pot. There, I said it.
     
  11. mephistopheles

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    This isn't something that's foreign to me, though I don't do I regularly I'll say that pot is a huge relief, but unless I have a prescription for it I can't get addicted.

    And pot may or may not be physically addicting, but it's incredibly psychologically to someone like me.

    So I try not to smoke too much.
     
  12. dolfette

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    that sounds frustrating as hell!

    it's hard enough to find a decent therapist at the best of times.
    for what it's worth, i think i know how you feel.
    things can get better, even though it doesn't always feel that way.
     
  13. lafever

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    Some people fear nothing and then there are those who their whole life is run by fear.
    Maybe you're right there between HORRIFIC & OMG! The good news is that you're human. And there really isn't any bad news, bad would've been you being in denial of your feelings, just knowing you have a problem is a huge step in the right direction.
    This is not something you can just wave a majic wand over and everythings cherry.
    Most fears are fueled by people, places, or things that have hurt us in the past or did not go as planned and the easier softer way is to just stuff those feelings rather than overcome them.
    This is a normal reaction, if you stick your finger in a fireplace you know before hand that it's going to hurt.
    You know this because at one time you stuck your finger in the fireplace and your experience is that it hurts.
    So in your head everytime you see a fireplace your brain sends out a singnal saying hey if I stick my finger in that fireplace it's going to hurt like hell, let's just not go there, it's best if i just stay clear of the whole situation.
    In my rational mind I know that wearing gloves will prevent me from getting burned but my fear says, man that's alot of trouble since I don't have a pair of gloves plus I'd have to go through the trouble of getting a pair of gloves and I don't even know what size or color I want which brings me back to just saying fuck all this.
    * now where is that roach I saved so I can forget I was even thinking about getting gloves *
    The truth is that we can talk ourselves out of just about anything that makes us feel uncomfortable, we can become masters at rationalizing and justifying a bunch of nonsense.
    OK, so now that you know how your body, mind, and spirit are hadicaped by your fear of the unkown it's time to move forward.
    Right now you're saying, What does he mean by unkown?
    Unkown are your feelings of happiness, joy, and freedom from overcoming your fears, this is the only thing holding you back.
    The reason it's so hard to overcome these feelings of fear are because they are what you know best, and with knowing something well you always know the outcome vs. not knowing how you'll feel on the other side of the fence.
    Not knowing how you'll take being ok with something that for years seemed like a cirlcle trying to fit into a triangle is a very daunting task, whatever you do don't give up on yourself.
    Remember, the only thing that's going to change you is change itself.
     
    #13 lafever, Jul 21, 2011
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2011
  14. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    There are specific forms of anxiety disorder which can cause an intense fear of touch, it's not just autistics and Asperbergers sufferers who have this.

    One of the more encouraging things about anxiety disorders is that they are much easier to treat and recovery from them is very common. Stress is a major factor in causing them and it can help to remove the causes of stress from your life as much as possible (and at first at least attempt to totally remove them by getting a relatively prolonged period of rest and recuperation) and with the help of a therapist try to find new ways of dealing with the stress you can't avoid in future.


    There are other rarer conditions which cause a fear of touch, but even things like claustrophobia and vertigo can be contributing factors.


    The tendency of some therapists and doctors to reach for the prescription pad is understandable, in the vast majority of cases people respond well to properly prescribed meds and they can help that person reset their feelings and responses to the world around them to a more calm state. But in some cases meds can just mask the issue and sometimes doctors choose the wrong meds for the person, and tbh trying to find the right ones after the troubles which can occur from being on the wrng ones can be somewhat difficult.


    That's not to say that you shouldn't be open to the idea of medication if you get a good solid diagnosis and your doctor knows for sure that these are the most appropriate drugs for whatever happens to be causing you these problems.

    But your treatment could just as easily be non-pharmaceutical, especially if this is an emotional or psychological issue and it all depends on your diagnosis if that proves the most appropriate way to proceed.


    You really should know though that what you're feeling isn't uncommon, it doesn't make you crazy or weird, and that it's extremely likely that you'll overcome all this and be harder, better, faster, stronger on the other side. :wink:
     
    #14 D_Tim McGnaw, Jul 21, 2011
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2011
  15. dolfette

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    that's the thing to remember.
     
  16. mephistopheles

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    Thanks guys that's why I come to you.

    Makes me feel very welcomed.
     
  17. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    Meds alone are rarely the answer, although my personal belief is that they are often necessary to help the brain's biochemistry even out a little.

    It's extremely irresponsible of them to just give you some meds and shove you out the door. Meds are not a magic potion that cures all.


    I feel for you. My psychologist can only see people once a month or so. Just too many people trying to access the service.

    My fingers are crossed that you get a good therapist who can help you with a diagnosis and management plan.


    I hate having people in my personal space or being around more than a few people at a time. It freaks me out (although I respond differently to the OP). I've often compared it to claustrophobia because it's the same feeling I get from being in small, closed in spaces. It can be managed. My friends know never to hug or touch me unless I have invited it (which is extremely rare). My family know not to stand within a metre of me unless it's absolutely necessary that they stand closer. I also have cognitive techniques that help me to cope when I have to be in crowded places. Bizarrely, if I have had sex with a person or intend to have sex with a person, the claustrophobic thing no longer applies with them, except in extreme situations (eg. being held in a hug for too long).


    All very true. Many, many people have had experience with this sort of thing. If experience with this makes us weird, there can't be many people left in the 'normal' category.
     
  18. B_Castello

    B_Castello New Member

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    I agree with people that tell you to go see PROFESSIONNEL help, really... Cause no one here is capable of giving you the right diagnostic, therefore no one can help you.

    Best luck to you :)
     
  19. monel

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    I think some of the responses may be missing the point. Based on what you say it doesn't seem to me that you have a fear of being touched. It seems that even words of love and/or encouragement without any touching leaves you feeling uncomfortable. For some reason you feel "unworthy" of other people's emotional expression when they are directed at you. Whether the expression is positive or negative you feel that you haven't deserved it and are unsure as to how to respond to it. This is not an uncommon reaction. Many people do not know how to even take a compliment. For example if someone says to friend, "I like your jacket" often the response is some form of "what, this old thing?" Someone once told me if someone compliments you just say "thank you" and move on. I think the same advise is appropriate here. Just say "thank you" when someone expresses their (positive) feelings about you. This reduces any anxiety you may have about how to respond and allows you to accept the good intentions without dwelling on them too much.
     
  20. dolfette

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    doll, i don't think people are missing the point.
    there are lots of reasons why people aren't happy about other people expressing affection or emotion towards them.
    i hate it myself. it's part of my aspergers. it doesn't have to mean he feels unworthy.
    i don't think an amateur online diagnosis, telling him how he thinks/feels it the right angle.
    you might be right.
    you might just as easily be wrong.
     
    #20 dolfette, Jul 21, 2011
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2011
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