Almost everything everyone does makes me feel upset.

monel

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doll, i don't think people are missing the point.
there are lots of reasons why people aren't happy about other people expressing affection or emotion towards them.
i hate it myself. it's part of my aspergers. it doesn't have to mean he feels unworthy.
i don't think an amateur online diagnosis, telling him how he thinks/feels it the right angle.
you might be right.
you might just as easily be wrong.


You are absolutely right, dolfette. I might be right and I might be wrong. As might everyone else on here. Of course I am not attempting to diagnose him but rather, as we all do, provide some of our own experiences for the OP to consider and/or dismiss. For example, I see aspergers mentioned several times in the responses but from what the OP states there is no basis to jump to that conclusion. What the op experiences can be a symptom of aspergers but it is more likely not.

I wasn't trying to tell Meph what he was thinking or feeling, but rather what I thought could be the source of his discomfort. My comments were preceeded and modified in the previous sentences by "It doesn't seem to me ..." and "It seems...". Again he can take it or leave it.

BTW, when I said that I thought others had missed the point, it was directed more at the fact that most of the responses had focused on the touching and ignored the fact that he also was uncomfortable with verbal expressions when no touching was involved.

Obviously, if the OP does not recognize himself in any of the responses here and feels that his condition is serious enough to warrant professional help, he should seek it. I do think that Meph is smart enough to know for himself if that will be necessary and doesn't need me to tell him.
 
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B_subgirrl

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doll, i don't think people are missing the point.
there are lots of reasons why people aren't happy about other people expressing affection or emotion towards them.

Dolf's right. The interaction of personality and mental illness is EXTREMELY complex. Sometimes symptoms can be neatly packaged away into a single diagnosis. Sometimes they can be put down to a psychological problem that is not necessarily part of a mental illness. Sometimes a large part of the so called 'symptoms' are just a result of personality. Most often symptoms are the result of an interaction between these factors. It's also quite common for a person to have several comorbid mental illnesses.

By offering explanations from their own view point, people are emphasising that many of us have been there. While no one will have had the exact same experience as the OP, many people will have experienced similar feelings, or aspects of what the OP is feeling.

Most of us are not attempting to give some kind of full diagnosis that includes all the OP's symptoms. That would be irresponsible. Even if we were all fully qualified professionals it would be irresponsible to offer a diagnosis based on a few lines written on a forum.

What most people are saying is that there are a wide range of things which could lead to the OP's symptoms, that he needs to see a professional (which he had already decided to do), and that we feel for him because we've been there (in various forms).
 

helgaleena

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Dear mephistopheles,

First of all thank you for admitting to us you have this to deal with! Even admitting such a thing takes courage. There is something you can try right away and that is journaling your dreams. A Jungian therapist would ask you to do this anyway, but as there appears to be a good brain in your head, you can get a small notebook and ask yourself each bedtime for solutions to your problems in the language of dreams, as well as the ability to remember them clearly enough to write down first thing in the morning.

Each of us has unique symbols and archetypes in our own dream 'language', but there are also universal themes that will come up. Your subconscious will try to let things be forgotten again if it judges that they are not ready for conscious cogitation, but it will 'toss you a bone' of something to think on pretty quickly. Bit by bit you can grow past your problem by dealing with what your dreams churn out. And slowly you will find yourself able to live in comfort with yourself and others.

If you know anywhere to get a good horoscope interpreted, that may help too-- if you believe in that stuff.
 

mephistopheles

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Dear mephistopheles,

First of all thank you for admitting to us you have this to deal with! Even admitting such a thing takes courage. There is something you can try right away and that is journaling your dreams. A Jungian therapist would ask you to do this anyway, but as there appears to be a good brain in your head, you can get a small notebook and ask yourself each bedtime for solutions to your problems in the language of dreams, as well as the ability to remember them clearly enough to write down first thing in the morning.

Each of us has unique symbols and archetypes in our own dream 'language', but there are also universal themes that will come up. Your subconscious will try to let things be forgotten again if it judges that they are not ready for conscious cogitation, but it will 'toss you a bone' of something to think on pretty quickly. Bit by bit you can grow past your problem by dealing with what your dreams churn out. And slowly you will find yourself able to live in comfort with yourself and others.

If you know anywhere to get a good horoscope interpreted, that may help too-- if you believe in that stuff.

Thanks for the advice, I was in a hospital a few years ago and they had me do something similar, but this is more familiar to me. Good Idea.

Thanks for the comfort and suggestions guys!
 

AlteredEgo

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My husband used to be this way, and it is part of the reason we don't have much sex. When people touch him, he may feel a variety of things including fear, anger, violent urges, and anxiety. He has hit people who crept up and grabbed him from behind. Unexpected touching triggers fight or flight for him. I am pretty much the only person he likes to touch, and because all of his need for human contact is satisfied through me, it can be overwhelming, and stifling. He wants to cuddle all the time. I like it, most of the time, luckily. Do you experience that? Is there ever just one person you trust enough? Is it a matter of trust for you as it is for him?
 

airc3

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I'm pretty much the same way. I don't like being touched and I don't respond well to "personal" conversations. A coworker who's leaving told me how much she enjoyed working with me the past year, and for some reason it just made me feel really uncomfortable.

I think I have a fear of intimacy. Sounds like you may have the same issue. I'm not sure what causes it or how to cure it. Honestly, I'm not sure I want to be "cured" from it. I am perfectly fine being alone.
 

mephistopheles

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Do you experience that? Is there ever just one person you trust enough? Is it a matter of trust for you as it is for him?

I used to get into phsyical altercations over people touching or grabbing me, a lot of the time a foreign hand on my shoulder feels like a hunter and I'm the prey.

There are only a few people I trust enough to touch me (as long as I know it's coming)

But with school and work and what-not, I haven't seen any of them in a while.

The main thing that bothers me is that my spending time along makes a lot of people mad at me. They yell and reprimand me. I explain over and over again that I can't help it, I can't change my anxieties right now, and it's even harder to do when everyone is always talking down to you or about you.
 
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enricocaruso

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I am 22 and I had a sort of breakdown last year when stress built up until I had a panic disorder. It affected me regarding travelling whereby I could not so much as step on a bus or get in a car without sweating like mad and feeling at my wits end, breathless etc. Eventually, before I saught help I was hardly leaving my home. No amount of kind words and hugs from well-meaning relatives would help and I felt terrible. In truth I was not very well but whereas I would not be harsh with myself or keep questioning things if I had a broken arm or something I kept worrying about why things where happening and felt powerless.

Having the courage to 'let go' and ask for help - in the form of therapy and antidepressants from our doctor which sooth your system and help your body heal itself (very important)- is the first step towards recovery although this can be HUGELY daunting at the time. You may well feel very vulnerable which is to be expected. Things will get much better even if it takes a little while. Hold these thoughts close - you not going mad, you are not dying, you are not disappointing anyone. They just want you to be happy and well - you are not 'failing them' or yourself. You are just not 100% at the moment but this will pass. Be kind to yourself and with the support of your doctor, perhaps a counsellor and your friends and family you will get back on your feet :) Best wishes to you! David x
 

D_Tim McGnaw

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I used to get into phsyical altercations over people touching or grabbing me, a lot of the time a foreign hand on my shoulder feels like a hunter and I'm the prey.

There are only a few people I trust enough to touch me (as long as I know it's coming)

But with school and work and what-not, I haven't seen any of them in a while.

The main thing that bothers me is that my spending time along makes a lot of people mad at me. They yell and reprimand me. I explain over and over again that I can't help it, I can't change my anxieties right now, and it's even harder to do when everyone is always talking down to you or about you.




If it's friends of yours who are behaving like this when you explain you need time to yourself then they're being rather selfish, and perhaps aren't being as good friends as they could be.

If it's family members, well it could be that they're very worried about you and simply aren't able to understand when you explain things to them. Their anger could be masking anxiety about you and concern.

In both cases you need to limit your exposure to anyone who is liable to increase your anxiety levels and compound the stuff you're already dealing with.

That's harder to do with family members, but it may require you having to sit down with them and having a detailed discussion about what you're going through and what is causing you to spend time alone. In this case the more they know the more likely they are to understand. If their behaviour doesn't change even after you've calmly explained your situation then it could be time to think about limiting your exposure to them as much as possible until you're feeling more confident about being in their company.

In the case of friends, well anyone not showing you the kind of understanding you need right now probably isn't that great a friend and you can afford to ignore their calls or avoid their company for as long as it takes for you to feel more in control of your anxieties. If after that you still think the friendship/s are worth putting time into then the ball will be in your court to decide if that's what you want to do.



But ultimately spending time alone is a palliative, it will be soothing for now (and if you have an anxiety disorder it will certainly be beneficial for a certain period of time), but you probably need to be seeking some professional assistance too. If you don't seek out some assistance also you could find spending extended periods of time alone only makes it even more difficult to deal with people when you can't be alone. :redface:
 
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dolfette

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The main thing that bothers me is that my spending time along makes a lot of people mad at me. They yell and reprimand me.
people can be really shitty. yelling at you will only make things worse. you can't change how you feel at will, just because they demand it. and why would you want to spend time with people who treat you that way?
 

FuzzyKen

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When in my pre-teen years I was repeatedly grabbed in normal kid play in the crotch by a neighbor kid. He was a very "physical" kid for a time and he pushed "touching" far beyond what I felt as a pre-pubertal kid was appropriate. He meant no harm and we are still friends to this day because it was a kid phase for him. The problem with it was that well into my teens I reflexively recoiled when I was touched by anyone good or bad and I also had very uncomfortable feelings from this. What fixed the behavior for me was college Psych classes. I had a ton of them and as usually happens I began to come to terms with what had happened. I would not call what happened to me molestation in any way because the kid simply had no real understanding himself of what he was doing at that age. What I did after that was to literally force myself to touch others and I invited touch from others. At the time in my late teens it was very difficult for me, but, I had to re-educate my mind and most importantly "sub-conscious" mind that touch was not going to tickle or hurt me in any way. On my own road to recovery I discovered that touch done in the right way was in fact calming and had nearly the opposite effect.

When we took in our kid at at age 18 his former family life had done much the same thing to him. In the beginning he would be creeped out if I leaned down over his shoulder to help him with some problem, to read something on a computer screen, to look at a paper he was writing, and so forth. Physical touch made him very uncomfortable. When he decided to go into a short term career in bodybuilding we both realized that he absolutely positively had to overcome his fear of touch. The kid had a great foundation before bodybuilding to work with. At the same time the psychological damage he had suffered created a fear of body exposure. In the heat of summer he would dress like "Nanook of the north" and never expose skin. This was another factor with him. Again in the sport of bodybuilding this created a type of tension that was not normal and had to be overcome. He would not ever wear shorts because they showed his legs and psychologically he was uncomfortable with this in the beginning.

We took it all in stages. In the beginning a great deal of talking took place. In the home we encouraged nudity for all of us so that he could get used to the idea of the human body. It was difficult for him in the beginning but it was a beginning of overcoming his body image problems. As the bodybuilding has progressed and after some therapy he now could care less about being touched. He is becoming more and more comfortable with the person he is. He now wears shorts exposing the same fur covered legs that he feared exposing and he is proud of both the fur and the calves.

You've already done the first thing and that is to admit the existence of a problem. Needing therapy on it is dependent on your own ability to know what to do to overcome irrational fears.

I nearly drowned when I was between 3 or 4 years old. The incident caused extreme fear of water under certain conditions which I have to this day. The difference is that as an adult I learned to swim and forced myself to do things in water to realize that placing my face under water was not going instantly result in death. I may not be comfortable in water, but I have conquered the part of the fear that created the dysfunctional aspects of that fear on my life. In fact, though I still don't go swimming often and don't like it, I am a decent swimmer for an old dude if I am forced into it and I really love white water river rafting.

You can overcome this yourself if you look back in your life and see if you can find the cause. Talk to your Mom about it and tell her what has happened and about your feelings and the way you feel when touched. There may be some event that created this that she or another relative may have observed in your lifetime. Hey, it worked for me my friend and I really sympathize with you. Some people would tend to minimize it, but having been there I am not one of them. We are probably different personalities, but if you want to PM me at any point please feel free to do so.
 
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helgaleena

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Don't think it's wrong to want alone time per se. Think of all the rich people who hire bodyguards to keep people from touching them! Think of the mystics sitting in their caves for years on end! The range of what is the 'normal' amount of human contact is variable with the individual, and you have the right to differ a small amount from the average of what people around you do without getting reprimanded. Whoever is scolding you is not helping. Try to tune that particular source out.
 

funguy3

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my boyfriend is going through a similar time. Whereas he has wild bi-polar mood swings, a severe sensitivity to touch usually accompanies his lows, which is hard on me especially when trying to show support and comfort. I'm not a really touchy person, but i think a person touch can go a long way in helping create a bond between people, so it's a struggle for me when he gets like that. he's finally got an appointment next week and we'll see what comes of it.

I wish you all the best man, and will be checking for updates :)