Almost new here

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by rob_just_rob, Oct 29, 2005.

  1. rob_just_rob

    Gold Member

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    Hi. I've been lurking here for several weeks, getting the feel of the site. Nice place you have here :) Anyway, I feel like I need to get this off my chest, and maybe see if anyone here feels the way I do.

    From my teenage years on, I've had hangups about my penis. I was also very shy with girls - the classic geeky teen, really. I had a pretty poor self-image and my confidence level with women was, until fairly recently, pretty low. I was a virgin until age 20 (I'm quite a bit older than that now) and I remember that I was almost pathetically grateful that my first 'serious' girlfriend would have sex with me.

    Not surprisingly, I stayed with her too long, just because I didn't feel good enough for someone else. When I did end up splitting with her, I didn't date anyone else for a while, due to the low self confidence thing. And, I masturbated a lot. I read a lot of porn, got turned on by progressively kinkier and kinkier stuff. I looked at pictures, read stories, and decided that my penis was small. Sitting down, it looked small, and it measured small. That didn't help my self esteem any. It was a vicious cycle - lower self esteem meant going out less, which meant more porn, which meant lower self esteem...

    In any event, a couple of years ago and after breaking up with my second serious girlfriend (my idea) I decided to take some counselling. This was something I should have done a long time ago, and it did me a world of good. I started going out again, meeting new people, and ultimately met someone new. She asked me out, in fact (I still am a bit shy, and she doesn't lack for self confidence at all). We got to know each other and after a few dates, found ourselves rolling around on my bed, pulling off each others' clothes. And when she slid my boxers off, she looked down, grabbed my cock, and said: "Oh, thank god, you're hung!" and kissed me hard.

    Meanwhile, I'm stopped in my tracks, thinking "Wha? Hung? ME?"

    Somehow I managed to get through the evening to everyone's satisfaction ;) And the next morning, after I had taken her home, I stood up and measured myself at quite a bit more than I had before. I'm not huge, especially compared to some of you here, but it's not small either. Certainly not as small as I thought I was, and bigger than any standard of "average" I've come across. I'm thinking that having lost about 15 lbs since my 'measuring phase' and getting into better shape generally has revealed more of my penis. And probably measuring while sitting down is inaccurate. I don't know. *shrugs*

    That relationship ended about a year ago, but while it lasted it did me a world of good. She was very experienced, very sexy, and seemed to love sex with me. My 2 previous girlfriends had both enjoyed sex, but I suppose I never really let myself believe it, or rather devalued their approval. Anyway... we had good sex. And talked about it a lot. And she liked me inside her, quite a lot.

    I was pretty unhappy when we broke up and immediately embarked on a 2 month binge of screwing around. Pretty dumb in retrospect, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. But it did teach me one thing - amazingly enough, women can be attracted to me! Not all women, of course, but I went out and seemed to keep meeting women who were interested.

    I still have some issues about my penis (I frankly think it's unattractive, and have even been told that, in a relatively nice way), but I think I'm better adjusted than I was, and that my self-image has improved. Which is, of course, a good thing.

    So thanks for letting me vent. :hi:
     
  2. Skinny Guinea

    Skinny Guinea New Member

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    Thanks for sharing your story.

    I'm sure we're all aware by now that for 99% of us, porn is the worst thing for our self-esteem. It's classic for average, and even slightly above-average, guys to watch porn and feel inadequate about their sizes. One sex therapist jokingly referred to it as "The Howard Stern Syndrome." Howard Stern goes on and on about having a small penis, but he's actually something like 6.5 inches (my size, actually).

    About your penis being ugly, funny you should mention that: I think that all penises are ugly. So, maybe it's just that we're straight.

    What I mean is, I think that penises themselves are very strange looking and funny looking things. But they're strange looking in a good way. Penises aren't meant to be beautiful, delicate things -- at least not in my opinion. They are meant to be "earthy" and "primal."

    I think it's also an issue of disembodied penises. I mean, a completely nude guy is one thing; the overall body can be beautiful. But any body part just singled out is bound to be a bit odd looking, I think. I like straight porn, which of course is full of penises. But they are also full of the penis in action and with a woman. That's different, in my opinion, to just looking at a penis by itself.

    Anyway, welcome to the board!

    Skinny Guinea
     
  3. Skinny Guinea

    Skinny Guinea New Member

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    Actually....

    Decided to go back and look at the gallery of photos and see if I can understand what it is I feel. I think I got it now:

    Looking at the pictures of the penises, God-Good are they all ugly! But the thing is, I came away feeling empowered and proud ot be male. The penis is the symbol of man, and it's beautiful to be a man. But the symbol itself is not beautiful. Not all symbols are beautiful. In the case of the penis, the penis is not beautiful (in my opinion) but what they symbolize is beautiful. And I also think it's beautiful that some guys on here -- even straight guys -- feel comfortable enough with their bodies to not be ashamed and to show them off. Of course, for some of them it's just purely for sexual kicks. But there's really nothing wrong with that either. :shrug:
     
  4. BJT

    BJT New Member

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    rob_just_rob you sound like me. I am 19, still a virgin, and my self-esteem is WAY too low. Last girlfriend was 5 years ago and it was more of a talking relationship, never even kissed. I currently watch too much porn, atleast in my opinion. One of my friends is helping me get "out there" and meet people. I still suck at talking to girls and if they are attractive I become a bumbling fool. I started the whole PE routine at the same time I started a heavy workout routine. It has helped my esteem and confidence and I think as I go on it wil help more. I think its just one of those personal things that many people have to work though in their own special way. Good luck

    And I agree penises aren't great looking but they get the job done ;)
     
  5. Skinny Guinea

    Skinny Guinea New Member

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    About being a virgin, I think you guys should probably keep in mind that in the age of AIDS it is probably a safer thing to not be sleeping around, to wait and be careful. Now, those fuckers who got to live through the 60s and 70s, I hate them! Lucky bastards! Wouldn't that have been a great astmosphere to be able to fuck anything that moved without disease concerns, without the fear that your last orgasm may, well, be your last?
     
  6. BuffMusicIdol

    BuffMusicIdol New Member

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    Welcome, Rob. Good post, refreshingly honest, and I can certainly relate to your feelings. I'm going to be 50 ina month or so, and I have been through two marriages. My self esteem issues are much better, except for my identity problems. I'm bisexual, and the two women I married beat the hell out of me over that. I was faithful to both. I never thought I had a big dick, and was terribly shy. Recently I saw videos of me in my 20s and 30s and I always wore baggy clothes to cover every square inch of my I could.

    It was until my 40's started working out, and getting hit on at the gym and had a few guys comment on how hung I was, that I realized I had any equipment at all. I always thought of myself as small.

    I think the male penis is generally beautiful, quite frankly.

    We are glad you are here, and glad you shared with us. I hope you continue to gain self esteem and just enjoy who you are. Life is too short to not feel some confidence enough to go out into the world and do the things you enjoy most. It's too short to spend in dysfunctional relationships (I was in them for over 24 years). All the best to you.
     
  7. madame_zora

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    Welcome rob_just_rob, and thanks for the candid post.

    This site has been an amazing introduction to me on the world of the male mind. I'm 42 and until I got here two years ago I really had very little insight into how men think at all, and it is in fact qiute different than how women think. No wonder we have problem understanding each other!

    Last year I met a young man who had one of the most comprehensive porn collections I had ever seen on his computer. He dicided to give the whole harddrive away at one point. Quite a long time later I asked him why he did it, and he said it was keeping him from having a real sex life. He had gone to so much trouble collecting the perfect women, the kinkiest scenarios, etc, that he couldn't get aroused over real women and real life situations anymore. I had no idea that porn could be so powerful. He was also not "underhung" as he had once believed, but the false advertising in porn had led him to believe that all decent men are 8" or bigger, which is far from true! Even in porn they use every technique imaginable (including outright lying about the star's size) to make it appear bigger.

    Low self-esteem is a bitch, it kills your sex drive and makes us generally unappealing to others. Kind of hard to think of yourself as attractive when no one is really paying attention to you, so it's a viscious cycle as well. Funny how you noticed yourself getting more attention from women as you began feeling better about yourself, isn't it? Women really aren't judging you by your penis size, they're judging you more by your confidence level. A guy who feels good about himself is more likely to be capable of and interested in having a healthy relationship. A guy who dislikes himself needs a lot of mothering, which is not all that appealing for a relationship. When you emit the unspoken message of "I'm okay and I WANT to be with you" it's a lot easier to attract mates than when the message is "I'm a mess and I NEED you to fix me".

    Anyway, I'm a woman, and I think penises are beautiful. I understand what you're saying though because I'm still a little weirded out by vaginas, but I'm getting over it.
    Glad you found us here, it's always good to have another perspective and insight.
     
  8. GoneA

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    Comparing your penis to porn pics is not a good idea....if you trying to gain self-confidence thereby.

    Any road, welcome aboard. I'm sure you'll like it here. As you can tell I haven't been here a great deal of time either, but I'm already addicted.

    You'll be posting threads about wild sexual rendezvous and, quite the opposite, lonely nights, in no time.

    P.S. Glad you beginning to grow, as an individual. Good....good.
     
  9. shocked

    shocked Member

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    porn actors are choosen from over average guys , or hung guys... comparing your size with their sizes is not logical... porn movies have to include visual attractions. Cause of this actresses choosen from beatiful fit girls and guys from hungs ...
     
  10. rob_just_rob

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    Thanks for the warm welcome everyone :toast:

    I hear what you're all saying re: porn. It's obvious to me now, what was happening to me, then. But when you doesn't have a ton of experience, and are generally down on yourself, your mind has a way of jumping to the wrong conclusions. Vicious circle, as I was saying.

    As for whether penises are ugly... I don't generally think they are (maybe that's the reason for the "1% gay" in my profile - though penises are definitely less beautiful to me than vaginas are :bigsmile: ). But the woman who told me mine was ugly, made it definitively clear that mine was less attractive than most.

    Anyway... I've stuck my nose in other threads already, and I'm sure I will post more of my own!
     
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