alright i need advice...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by tragik_empire, Mar 19, 2010.

  1. tragik_empire

    tragik_empire Member

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    i know it's probably going to be one of those situations that everyone is yelling at me for not seeing it myself but...

    ok so, i'm a virgin and i'm (for the most part) in the closet still. so i met this kid through friend-of-a-friend type thing. we started talking and he was always joking around about me being scared to come over and calling me a chicken because i wouldn't come over. anyway, i finally met up with him in the library on the university campus and he convinced me to come over to his house. we hung out, watched a movie on his bed, and we ended up cuddling and holding hands.

    the second night i met him at the library again after i got off work (also on campus) and went over to his apartment again. this time i was dead on my feet from working before going over there and i told him so... so he told me don't worry i'll keep you awake. we started the movie but i started to fall asleep so i rolled over and put my arm across his chest and pulled him closer to me. a few minutes later he shut the movie off and rolled on his side to face me. he grabbed my hand and was rubbing my hand and then my arm, then he moved up and started rubbing my face with the back of his hand and i opened my eyes and just smiled at him. he laughed and then kissed me (first kiss with a guy) and then told me "i told you i'd keep you awake". we proceeded to make out (first time EVER making out with ANYONE) and then things got a little carried away. he asked me if i was okay and i told him yes but that i thought we were going too fast. he stopped and we just laid in his bed and kept kissing until i had to leave.

    third night was the same thing but we didn't go farther than making out.

    fourth night i spent the night because he didn't want me to leave. we woke up around 8 in the morning and were messing around but he couldn't get me to finish. he kept asking if i was close but i just wasn't... he had to stop twice. he gave up and we just kinda laid there for a minute before we decided to put our clothes back on. i ended up staying at his house for 23 hrs. (from 7pm the night before to 6pm that day) we laid in bed watching movies and playing video games. i left because i needed to shower and wanted to change clothes and get dinner and he got ahold of me a couple hours later (around 8pm) and wanted me to come back over. i figured that after 23 hrs of me he would have been tired of me.

    I stayed the night again but when I woke up the next morning he was asleep and things just felt weird. I laid in bed playing with my phone for an hour before he woke up and just kind of looked at me, smiled, and rolled over and went back to sleep. I woke him up and told him I was leaving but he didn't really say anything except "k" and went back to sleep.

    I went over the next day and he was kind of weird. his roommates were around so i figured that was what the problem was. when i left he didnt hug me at the door he just waved and said "see you later". The next day i went over and he was just kind of distant again. I asked to talk to him and he kind of let it all go then. he told me that the "spark" was gone and that he just thought of me as a really good friend and that he didnt see us becoming anything more, not that he would say it was out of the question in the future.

    since then (its been over a week now) he's extremely hard to get a hold of and if i do it's random shit conversations that end very quickly. he said that we should hang out on saturday (tomorrow) as long as nothing came up, and today he told me that he wasn't sure he was going to be able to hang out. it seems like i'm getting the brush off and it's extremely confusing to me. he wants to be friends but on his terms, after he made out with me and we fooled around.

    i'm starting to sound whiny so i'm going to stop now, but i just wanted your guys brilliant advice as to what you think is going on and what you think i should do... thanks guys :)
     
  2. crescendo69

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    I've been told to "cool my jets" before, so this is my advice to you. It is a shame when someone's timing in a relationship doesn't quite match your own. It's like you just missed the boat or something. You may want to distance yourself from him for a while, just to give yourself time to settle down and reassess the relationship.
     
  3. tat2dqt78

    tat2dqt78 New Member

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    Maybe tell him that this is your first experience. He might be thinking that you are not that into him. If he understood that you are a virgin, nervous, scared, or all of the above he might feel differently?
     
  4. SpoiledPrincess

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    He's lost interest and you've just got to face that, you can only keep any sort of relationship going if there's a desire to keep it going from both people. Not every guy you hook up with is going to be the love of your life, the majority of them won't go anywhere. You sound very inexperienced, and you don't have much sexual experience to measure what happened against, but it sounds like it was just one of those things where he was seeing what happened and it didn't go where he wanted it to go. But he sounds like a good guy, he didn't try to rush you into anything, he's trying to let you down lightly, it's neither your fault nor his fault that nothing deep developed. Let it go and move on to the next guy, you'll have that little bit more experience next time to take things a step further.
     
  5. dolfette

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    from the POV of a guy who doesn't know you're inexperienced, you're into spending time with him but just not passionately into doing anything physical.

    get over it, move on, and next time tell the guy so that he doesn't take your hesitance as a lack of interest.
     
  6. green carnation

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    its your official opening to the gay games!
     
  7. tragik_empire

    tragik_empire Member

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    Thanks for all your advice. For the people who were talking about whether or not he knew if I was inexperienced or not, he knew because we had talked about it before I even came over to his apartment the first time. Not that it matters now, but I just wanted you guys to know.
     
  8. MH07

    MH07 Member

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    Yup.
     
  9. lopo2000

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    I would like to congratulate you for experiencing it for the first time. I can't stress more how valuable first-times are; how we could deal with jerks, or sexually addicted people, or rejection, or clingy people, etc, and for your case, how to deal with a person who might not be able to take you according to your own pace. So, perhaps my obvious advice is, treat this as a learning experience. Perhaps the only thing you can do is to let him go now because you can't change the way he thinks. But now I'm sure you're wiser than before and you'd know how to deal with this kind of situations if it happened again.

    All the best! :)
     
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