Am I a bad person?

NC_BBC

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Bad, no, selfish, yes.

Two thoughts you don't have to be spur of the moment to have fun. So you left within 4 hours. I bet if you had planned it for two weeks later you could have saved a lot of money and planned to actually do more things, so you would have experienced more for your life. The second is why can't she come along? Does she have more responsibility? Then planning two weeks ahead might make it better.

The only part where you come off as a bit of a jerk is the other hot women and the mall comment. You will always find hotter women, but hotter women that want to be with you, not necessarily.

Its not the "spur of the moment " aspect that makes things fun for me. Its just doing things like that....it just so happens that they come at random times sometime. And the money isn't really an issue (as far as traveling goes). And I'm not chasing every ass that walks by... I was just saying it not as easy as you think to keep turning down hot girls. And it just seems to be getting harder....that's all I was saying, not trying to be a jerk.
 
D

deleted3782

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Statistics show that 40% of all marriages have ended in divorce as of 2008.

They also show that 49% of all marriages involve a remarriage for one or both spouses.

In 2009 the overall divorce rate was in decline in the U.S., but so was the marriage rate.

You did not mention marriage in your OP, but I posted the above to show that relationships tend to change through time, and are replaced by new ones. We all have "the one that got away" stories, that's part of life. You are only 25, you have lots of time to commit to someone else. Why not focus the next couple of years on figuring out who you are and what you want. I'd guess you don't want to be one of those guys who are married and miserable, either.
 

NC_BBC

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Read the Odyssey, make $20M + in the next ten years, get a Lagoon 56 and enjoy.

Phil is right of course. But if you can, you can step outside.

Lol, what?! Great story....here's hoping to the 20M though...and I had to hit up google to find out what a Lagoon 56 was. lol.... But...it all does sound good!!!
 

august86

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If you're afraid of being alone, its because you want to have companionship.
But the people you want to share your time and life with have every right to have a say in how that relationship is defined.

Why not focus the next couple of years on figuring out who you are and what you want. I'd guess you don't want to be one of those guys who are married and miserable, either.

Tend to agree with most posters.

Don't waste someone's time if you're not as serious as they are or if you don't see the relationship lasting at least into the near future. It's like you're taking the phone off the hook, and thus blocking any happiness that they could have received in the meantime.
You mention spontaneity as though you see commitment and relationships as a precursor to a bland, uneventful and dare I say, predictable life.

Try to figure out who you are and what it is you want; have fun and make the most of your 20s, but set a time frame on when (if at all) you want to settle, or you could waste all your time with spontaneity (and skanks) and then get to the point where you're the creepy old single guy at the bar with the buttoned down shirt.

Some people are repelled by "being wanted" too much. So it's possible that when you find someone that is hot and has everything else you want, but doesn't want you, that you'll end up wanting them...
Or worse, when a previous girl has her "ish" together with someone else, that she'll then be attractive to you.

Either way, it's your life, and if you screw up, you can wake up the next day and change it.
 

helgaleena

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You say you are not afraid to commit-- and yet once you have you are backing out of it soon? It's because you are not realizing that you do not actually have "THE ONE" yet. So quit telling these girls they are 'The One' prematurely. Say you want to try the relationship on for comfort. Say you want to play the field, if you do. Be honest.

It's not fair to pretend to commit and then not, which is your only actual problem. Avoid the term, continue as you are, and trust in the universe a little bit.

Either THE ONE will make her self obvious, or you will remain a happy Drifterwood.
 
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123scotty

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when in the mall girls just fall at your feet i suspect. fuk me pink matey just admit your not ready for a long term relationship. you are just going to hurt your partner and yourself. if you want to shag everything in the mall go do it but dont lie to your partner
 

NC_BBC

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I think you all have a bad idea of who I am... I didn't mean to come off as an arrogant douche bag who's cheating on his gf...

1) I'm not cheating on my gf.
2) The comment on the mall was just an example because I happened to be in the mall when I wrote the post.
3) I'm not saying I have women falling at my feet... I was just saying, on occasions I do get attention and I have to turn it down and it gets harder and harder each time...
4) I'm not trying to fuck every woman walking the planet.... I'm not that kind of guy.

I get that I can't straddle the fence on this...I'm well aware of that. I guess I completely worded everything wrong, I was just kinda venting. My bad everybody:redface:. I guess I just wanted to know if this is some shit I'll eventually grow out of??!! I'd much rather be "the guy I know I SHOULD be"....but "the guy I am" just won't fuckin' die!!!
 

hud01

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just be yourself. who cares? you will find a girl that matches you. it's just a matter of going out and finding her.
DON'T listen to any female advice. Females want something that men cannot understand.
LOL..The gay guy gives advice about women...
 

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Not bad, just not ready,and haven't found someone you want to settle down with.
My husband was like that. He'd joke that he never cheated on a woman,but that's cause he'd never had a committed relationship.
In time I'd hear about his single days. Or his brother would slip and say something .

One night we were out for our anniversary, married about 5 years at that point. Was a beautiful may evening and we stayed out late. We were at a restaurant and the waitress was all over him, right in front of me.
He kept calling he ma'am. So I said to him that she can't be more than 21-23. He said ' I know and she hates it'.
My DH knows how to be very catty.

So I asked him, what changed, how could he go from being a total bachelor to proposing in 7 weeks.
He said ... I fell in love. " suddenly I went from a man who cherished his freedom to some one couldn't imagine a life without (me) and he just didn't see life the same anymore".

I think it might be maturity, but it's also about finding that person. I don't think it can be put into words. But you'll know it when and if it happens.
 

StatusQuo

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But my personality is just too spontaneous and random for commitment, so how the hell do I find a balance?:confused: Any advice?:frown1:

I know what you mean man. I am a responsible person, but when I have an opportunity I like to take advantage of it. I have had decent jobs, and am in a graduate program. I got laid off, haven't been able to find a job, and have some money saved up, so I decided on a whim to buy a ticket to SE Asia leaving as soon as this semester is over.

Even in large cities it is hard to find women that would put up with how I like to travel (just as an example). That is my favorite thing in life to do, so I cant see giving it up.

I have no problem being monogamous when in a relationship, but I am having trouble finding a good match. Would love to know where I can find them.
 

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No worries at all...your not a bad person at all!!
It sounds like your a fun loving person who enjoys life to the max and appreciates doing things on a moments notice. You're not there yet...you're not ready to settle in and live a more mundane or a life thats more set in a rountine in which a more serious realtionship brings along, some people find that very boring. No worries at all... some people never want a more routine life style and love doing things on the fly....to be honest I love being spontanious as well...:) I find more exciting.....
 

blazblue

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I think you all have a bad idea of who I am... I didn't mean to come off as an arrogant douche bag who's cheating on his gf...

1) I'm not cheating on my gf.
2) The comment on the mall was just an example because I happened to be in the mall when I wrote the post.
3) I'm not saying I have women falling at my feet... I was just saying, on occasions I do get attention and I have to turn it down and it gets harder and harder each time...
4) I'm not trying to fuck every woman walking the planet.... I'm not that kind of guy.

I get that I can't straddle the fence on this...I'm well aware of that. I guess I completely worded everything wrong, I was just kinda venting. My bad everybody:redface:. I guess I just wanted to know if this is some shit I'll eventually grow out of??!! I'd much rather be "the guy I know I SHOULD be"....but "the guy I am" just won't fuckin' die!!!

Have you considered having an open relationship with your girlfriend where both of you can see multiple partners instead?
 

helgaleena

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I get that I can't straddle the fence on this...I'm well aware of that. I guess I completely worded everything wrong, I was just kinda venting. My bad everybody:redface:. I guess I just wanted to know if this is some shit I'll eventually grow out of??!! I'd much rather be "the guy I know I SHOULD be"....but "the guy I am" just won't fuckin' die!!!


"The guy you are" is a wonderful person, and you need to be more comfortable with that person, that's all. Don't kill any part of yourself. If you cannot be that person in your present relationship, keep looking. No relationship is worth mutilating yourself internally.
 

manju

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So, I have a girlfriend. I love her to death, but the relationship is heading in the direction of most of my past relationships. I just DON'T like being tied down. I'm not afraid to commit, I love everything that comes with being in a relationship. But once I'm there it's like being in jail. I'm the "pick up and go at the drop of a hat" type of guy. I once flew to California (from NC) on a whim just because I kinda wanted to go; made the decision and was on a plane in less than 4 hours. I can't do stuff like that now. And that's just ONE of my issues. Let's not even start in on how hard it is to avoid contact with other hot women. Shit's torture! Just walking through the mall is like being a dog on a leash at the park. I'm having a hard time with it all because I don't wanna grow up to be that guy telling "the one that got away" stories. But my personality is just too spontaneous and random for commitment, so how the hell do I find a balance?:confused: Any advice?:frown1:

Welcome to the gay world! You can either succumb to your desires or repress them. Each has their own consequence and rewards.

Or you can find a girl who wants an open relationship.
 

B_R_I_E_F

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Tomorrow is promised to no one.

I learned this when my cousin died at 17. His death will forever be a benchmark of gratitude for me. I graduated high school, went on to college, lived on my own, bought my own car....all experience he would never experience.

Set some goals and pray to God that you'll live to experience the struggle to achieve them.

Enjoy your youth. Be honest with everyone, especially yourself. Do yourself a favor and save as much money as you can....you'll NEED to spend it once you have a family of your own. That is, if you have lived enough to recognize you are with the one you WANT to be with for as long as you are alive.

Where is your dad? You should tap into his thoughts if you still can. Get the f*ck out of the mall.
 

NC_BBC

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"The guy you are" is a wonderful person, and you need to be more comfortable with that person, that's all. Don't kill any part of yourself. If you cannot be that person in your present relationship, keep looking. No relationship is worth mutilating yourself internally.

See, I'm kinda washed over with a Christian mentality. That's just how I was raised. So the guy that "I really am" doesn't fit into the life style I feel that I'm "suppose" to live. Know what I mean? I know this isn't the place to start talking about lifestyle choices based on religion, but that's just how I am. I'm fighting to find that balance between the 2. But anyone who knows Christianity knows that there usually isn't suppose to be a "balance" just a Christian. But that 'ish isn't easy! I'm a freaking animal sometimes.... I want what feels good...and I can usually get it... and denying myself isn't always easy!