am i a terrible person?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by notsmallmatt, Nov 16, 2006.

  1. notsmallmatt

    notsmallmatt New Member

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    for the first.. 20-23 years of my life i thought i was gay or mostly gay.. but around my 24th birthday, after a lot of not-so-great gay experiences, i discovered within me a sudden lust and interest in the opposite sex.
    but everytime i get the opportunity, or what would be to any other normal person an opportunity, to talk to girls.. i cant.. not very well.. its a mixture of something like boredom and hopelessness... girls confuse the hell out me.. i have absolutely no idea how to talk to them the way any normal guy who wants to fuck them would(i dont mean that as an insult, but honestly that is the main motivation behind most guys talking to girls)... gay guys are just so much easier.. ive had so much more practice... and every time i feel the "need".. i can simply hop on gay.com and find one.
    recently i found a guy who shares nearly every interest of mine.. talking to him i almost believed we could instantly be a couple... and i even told him so... then he came over.. and was a lot more overweight than i was hoping... and with the smallest penis ive ever encountered.. things that i never really thought would matter to me... yet i still slept with him and told him it was great.. it wasnt.. i couldnt even get off but i played it off as being nervous.. and that we would definately do it again.. i totally believed every word.. but he keeps calling me and for the life of me i just cant answer the freaking phone... i keep thinking.. "no.. id rather have a girlfriend"... but yet.. i dont?? or i dont have any idea how? what the hell should i tell this guy who i have everything in common with except attaction? what the hell is wrong with me?
    im thinking i should i just stop the easy sex cold turkey which would force me into talking to girls "that special way".. lol..

    yeah.. blah.. rambling... i suck.
     
  2. curious4u2005

    curious4u2005 New Member

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    First, You are not a terrible person. You are just confused like most people at any age young or old. You body goes through changes.

    Whether you like guys or girls you have to not get so stressed and relax.

    You could be Bi-sexual. You could like both sexes.

    Or, it could be that you are just so afraid of talking to girl's that you chose to talk to a male instead because you understand a male.

    I will tell you right from the start, men will never fully understand a women. No matter how hard you try. All women are different just like men are different. If you are waiting to understand a woman before you have a relationship you will be single forever.

    You cannot have your mind set on...... how do I talk to a girl so you can fuck her. Women do not work that way. You have to get to know us. If all you want to do is talk to a girl so you can "fuck" her, then I suggest you not approach any women until you learn to respect a woman first. Or, you can always go pay for a hooker then you know how to talk to her. She knows what her job is. Women are not just pussy. We have a body and a mind. You treat us well, and you will have no problem getting the "pussy".

    Also, I would suggest you be a man and just pick up the phone and tell the other guy, you are not interested. You should not have had sex with him if you were not interested. Tell him, and then you don't have to worry about him calling you anymore.

    Don't just go around sticking your penis in any and everything just to get off. You never know what you might pick up along the way.

    I feel you only use men as a crutch to avoid talking to a woman.

    I am not sure what women you are around, but the worst they can say is
    "I am not interested". You ego is crushed and you keep going.

    You have to decide whether you are attached to males, females, or both.

    You are not a bad person, and please know I am not trying to be rude in any way with my responses.

    In time you will figure out everything.

    Relax, and enjoy life and just let things happen.

    You do not suck, you just need a little push and help in whatever direction you feel you want to take. If it helps you can communicate with me by private message.

    I will be glad to give you advice. We are all here to help support each other on this forum.








     
  3. BigA

    BigA New Member

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    You should probly just stick with men. If you're not good with women they'll probably walk all over you. I wish I were attracted to men.
     
  4. fortiesfun

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    Sexual orientation is complex. I wrote this FAQ to help sort that a bit. Perhaps you would find it helpful.

    As to your direct issue: Yes, with some tact and kindness (it was your mistake) you need to let your young lover down easy and help him on his way. It is unfair to him to keep him hoping.

    You can certainly date a few women to explore that side of you, but Curious's post is extremely articulate about that. You will find very few women interested in fast, no-strings sex in the way that you are used to having with men.

    Confusion doesn't make you a bad person. Resolving it at others' expense can.
     
  5. notsmallmatt

    notsmallmatt New Member

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    i didnt mean "i have absolutely no idea how to talk to them the way any normal guy who wants to fuck them would" to mean talking with a lack of respect.. i am definately interested in getting to know them.. which is part of the problem.. i dont know how to direct the conversation to anything close to "intimate".. we both just ramble on and on about every-day boring things till she walks away thinking im either a geek or just totally gay... ive listened to my straight guy friends talk to girls and they have what seems a built in casual way of letting the girl know hes interested in MORE than JUST her mind and conversation skills... im clueless how to develop that.. and i dont just wanna use their lines in some fake way... im definately interested in having an intimate relationship with a girl but for whatever reason i just talk to them all like im some flat asexual nothing... and im really bad at converation anyway... cept of course with gay guys.... lol.. cuz i know how to talk about 'sexy' things with guys... being blunt is almost a turn on.. but girls... not so much.. and i cant figure out middle-ground way of letting them know im into them... does that make sense?

    *shrug*... i dunno.. i guess its just one of those things that ill have to figure out trial and error..
     
  6. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    haha. That's rich. Girls are a mystery to almost everyone. It's not just you.
     
  7. Rubenesque

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    Believe me flower, I've met very few straight men who really know how to talk to women. Don't underestimate yourself... for the most part we like men who listen to us, are interested in us and aren't throwing crappy one-liners at us.

    You know what the key is? Get to know women as women, not as potential girlfriends. We like that, it makes us feel more like people and less like the next notch on the bed post. If you think you might like things to progress with a girl, compliment her - make it clear you fancy her, move a little closer, be tactile. You'll know if it's being rejected because she'll move away.

    It's not rocket science, you'll be fine - whatever you decide

    Good luck x
     
  8. SilverSoldier

    SilverSoldier New Member

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    Be honest and gentle. Tell him that as much as you'd like to be attracted to him, you aren't. And that you really are rethinking the gay thing. If he doesn't get the hint and leave you alone, tell him you tried to be nice, but now you need to end it.

    You are not a terrible person. Being confused does not constitute being terrible.

    Hope this helps.
     
  9. BigA

    BigA New Member

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    Yes, that makes perfect sense. I am the exact same way. I talk to a girl the only way I know how, by making small talk. And talking about whatever seems relevant. I try to be funny and charming and nice, but it just doesnt get me any where. Next thing I know the girl is talking to me about some other guy she likes or what to do about this guy who's being a jerk. I think Chris Rock termed this being in the friend zone. Once you are in that, she no longer sees you as sexual. So I don't think I can help your problem. If I could help yours than i could help mine

    Edit: most recently, the relationship I was cultivating developed to her trying to set me up with her homely friend. Meanwhile she found another guy. That was a good one
     
  10. davidjh7

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    I'm going to pipe up here again. First, you are not a horrbile person. That nick belongs to someone else on here...:biggrin1: Second, you are nervous and confused, and feel that your straight friends understand and are more comfortable--they likely arent, but have more practice feigning confidence. You may just be coming into your true sexuality NOW--you WANT to be with girls and not guys, even though guys are more conveinient. Maybe the first part of your life, all you cared about was sex, and guys were easy for sex. But now you want an emotional bond, and you don;t feel an emotional bond with guys, but feel one towards girls. There is no right or wrong. Call or e-mail that guy, and tell him you are sorry, but your mind is going through some things right now, and you need your space, that you are confused. He may not like it, but he should accept it. He may be hurt--people get hurt, and that's part of life. But he does deserve closure, and a chance to move on without wondering. You DO owe him that. Plus, it will help keep him from continuing to try and pursue something that isn;t there. Now, as far as talking to girls, and letting them know you are interested beyond freindship, you have a narrow period of opportunity---many women tend to relegate guys to "freind only" status if interest ins;t shown within a fairly short period of time, and once i that category, your chances of getting out of it with that woman are prety much nil. So, find someone attractive to you, and check fr the body language of interest back. If she is polite, but seems distant, she likely isn;t interested. If she does little coy things, like play with her hair, or lick her lips, or give you coy smiles, or leans into you, stuff like that, that is a positive sign. Attraction has to be mutual, so if she is giving you the cold signs, move on--it isn;t gonna happen. If thereseems to be mutual attraction, then TALK to her. Truly LISTEN to what she has to say, and give it back in ehr words, to confirm to her you are listening. And for heavens sake, when she IS talking LOOK at her--women demand you LOOK at them when they are talking, because they don;t believe men are capable of doing more than one thing at a time--and often they are right..:rolleyes:. Compliment her, but in a real way, not a phoney way. FInd something honestly good about ehr you notice, and compliment her on it in a polite way--not a heavy way. Use HUMOR--humor is your best friend, especially in awkward situations. If you don;t have it, learn it--life is silly and funny in most ways, and humor can carry you through some tough situations. Learn what interests you, and find the things you are also intereted in, and can connect with her on. Don;t try and understand a woman---out brains are wired completely differently. Instead, try and appreciate the different world view she brings to things, a new perspective. You can learn much from a woman you never could from a man. Focus on HER completely when you are with her---women need to know that they are the most important thing in the world to you at that moment. Don;t lie--and don;t try and be someone you aren't. Be yourself always---women often are already trying to figure out how they are going to change you to fit their mold of an ideal man, so you may as well start at ground zero, being who you are, instead of in a hole by playing someone you aren't. Women are magical, mystical creatures, full of great beauty and warmth. They care also the most dangerous, vindictive creatures in the universe when crossed. Make damned sure that the woman you make a commitment to, at whatever level, is truly someone special for you, because if you try and use them just for sex, you are going to get burned by them--they will go to hell and back to get revenge--count on it! So be true, or don;t start. Most of all, remember we are all people, and share a common thread of humanity--most of the same fears, and problems, and worries, and issues you have, they have, too. Treat them with genuine interest, and care, and understanding, and if there is a mutual physical attraction as well, and your real heart lies in loving a woman and not a man, you see yourself spending the rest of your life with a woman and not a man, then go for it with all you;ve got, and it will be amazing for both of you. Good luck, and tell us how it goes!
     
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