Am i an a""hole for not wanting a relationship with a single mother??

[hud01]

Because its part of the package.

Exactly. I understand the OP's sentiment. I have thought the same way in the past, not because I don't want to pay the bills, but because I am not sure how good a father I would be and I am not sure I want the responsibility.

If I loved the woman enough, and I thought I could do the job then of course. This child will love you and provide hours of joy and many other emotions.

Stop obsessing on the money. Haven't you ever heard of this thing called adoption?

 

[hud01]

**hittin the "LIKE" button** :biggrin1:

Agreed

 

[kurios]

To be honest with your feelings for whetever the reason is the best anyone can do and you are just being up front.
Think you should be commended for your honesty
No false preennse with potentially painful consquences.

 

[D_Jacqueline_Boozann]

Unless the boyfriend is dead, how would you know he would never return? I have heard of cases wherein the dad returned home, found another man with his kid, and damn near killed the guy. In today's generation, it pays to be wise. Ladies and gentleman, we are living in 2011 (almost 2012). Get your heads out of the sand: this is not 1810.

Speaking from a female's point of view who never had kids, all the men I have known/dated were glad I did not have any kids: they did not want the responsibility.
No, I would not date a man who had kids -- unless they were grown and out the house. Better yet, there are men who do not want any kids, period. This is not being selfish.

Women must choose carefully and wisely, who they lie with and whose seed is implanted in them, too. This issue would not have been discussed, save, 50 yrs. ago, now, would it?

Finally, women, you made your bed, now, lie in it!

 

[redz_rule]

Unless the boyfriend is dead, how would you know he would never return? I have heard of cases wherein the dad returned home, found another man with his kid, and damn near killed the guy. In today's generation, it pays to be wise. Ladies and gentleman, we are living in 2011 (almost 2012). Get your heads out of the sand: this is not 1810.

Speaking from a female's point of view who never had kids, all the men I have known/dated were glad I did not have any kids: they did not want the responsibility.
No, I would not date a man who had kids -- unless they were grown and out the house. Better yet, there are men who do not want any kids, period. This is not being selfish.

Women must choose carefully and wisely, who they lie with and whose seed is implanted in them, too. This issue would not have been discussed, save, 50 yrs. ago, now, would it?

Finally, women, you made your bed, now, lie in it!

I have nail marks in the palms of my hands.

Walking away before I say something I regret.

 

[monel]

I dont want to be raising another man's child, spending money on another man's child. But a female friend who's a single mother thinks im an asshole because of it.

Upon reading the title of your thread I was all set to say no, you arr not an asswhol. Reading your actual post made me re-think that. I'm uncertain if your question is a hypothetical or if it's real. If the former, I think you are coming to conclusions out of ignorance. If you truly loved this woman, you would be o my too happy to raise her child and spend your money on his wellbeing. Be wise you would see the child as hers and not some other man's. If you are in fact I have a relationship with this woman then you need to end it because either you are not really "all that into her" or you are too immature to be in any committed adult relationship.

 

[dolfette]

Unless the boyfriend is dead, how would you know he would never return? I have heard of cases wherein the dad returned home, found another man with his kid, and damn near killed the guy. In today's generation, it pays to be wise. Ladies and gentleman, we are living in 2011 (almost 2012). Get your heads out of the sand: this is not 1810.

Speaking from a female's point of view who never had kids, all the men I have known/dated were glad I did not have any kids: they did not want the responsibility.
No, I would not date a man who had kids -- unless they were grown and out the house. Better yet, there are men who do not want any kids, period. This is not being selfish.

Women must choose carefully and wisely, who they lie with and whose seed is implanted in them, too. This issue would not have been discussed, save, 50 yrs. ago, now, would it?

Finally, women, you made your bed, now, lie in it!

i might actually die laughing!

 

[D_Pokin Joe Frazier]

No your not you are smart why add all the extra baggage?

 

[nudeyorker]

I did not have time to read the thread as carefully as I would like; but did I miss some major points? Does she want you to raise the child as if it's yours? Where is the father and what is his role with the child and mother?Did she suggest that you will be responsible for the expenses for his upbringing and school tuition?
My mother and father divorced when my brother and I were very young, my mother remarried and he (her new husband) had absolutely nothing to do with our financial well being; our mother and father handled it. He never pretended to be our father and we all managed to have a polite respect for each other and the boundaries necessary to the sometimes unconventional arrangement.
Talk to her very candidly and see what her expectations are and tell her your feelings and try to find out where you both are willing to make compromises.
If this is hypothetical you can't make a decision like this until you have all the factors to the equation.

 

[ConstantComment]

Stay close to the big cities. There should be plenty child free women to date.

I have read on another message board that some men have noticed that a fair few OLD profiles of single moms specifically looking for childfree men.

 

[MickeyLee]

Unless the boyfriend is dead, how would you know he would never return? I have heard of cases wherein the dad returned home, found another man with his kid, and damn near killed the guy. In today's generation, it pays to be wise. Ladies and gentleman, we are living in 2011 (almost 2012). Get your heads out of the sand: this is not 1810.

Speaking from a female's point of view who never had kids, all the men I have known/dated were glad I did not have any kids: they did not want the responsibility.
No, I would not date a man who had kids -- unless they were grown and out the house. Better yet, there are men who do not want any kids, period. This is not being selfish.

Women must choose carefully and wisely, who they lie with and whose seed is implanted in them, too. This issue would not have been discussed, save, 50 yrs. ago, now, would it?

Finally, women, you made your bed, now, lie in it!

i guess not everyone got the "crack is whack" memo.

 

[aninnymouse]

i guess not everyone got the "crack is whack" memo.

Don't mind her. She's just from Albuquerque. The single mother capital of the world. She's probably just a little touched; seen a few bad experiences when men who shouldn't have kids get with a single mom. That's all.

 

[NotSoDumb_Blonde]

Unless the boyfriend is dead, how would you know he would never return? I have heard of cases wherein the dad returned home, found another man with his kid, and damn near killed the guy. In today's generation, it pays to be wise. Ladies and gentleman, we are living in 2011 (almost 2012). Get your heads out of the sand: this is not 1810.

Speaking from a female's point of view who never had kids, all the men I have known/dated were glad I did not have any kids: they did not want the responsibility.
No, I would not date a man who had kids -- unless they were grown and out the house. Better yet, there are men who do not want any kids, period. This is not being selfish.

Women must choose carefully and wisely, who they lie with and whose seed is implanted in them, too. This issue would not have been discussed, save, 50 yrs. ago, now, would it?

Finally, women, you made your bed, now, lie in it!

_____________________

I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth to think a woman wrote this. Gah. Worse, I'm episcopal. Ahahaha.

Okay, to the original question. Are you an asshole because you told a friend you would not date a woman with kids? Nah, but your follow up comments really put you in the league of stupid. I mean, think about it. You make it sound like you'd date this women, become involved for years, possibly marry her, and yet, you think you can not from now to then love that child? Think about it before you just type a response. Really, actually take a moment to think about that.....

I come from a broken home. Which means, my Mom is not my biological mom, but my stepmom. I love her to death. She loves me. She had three children of her own, my dad was divorced and I have a nutty biological mom. But guess what? My dad passed away a few years back, and she still calls me family and I call her mom. I'd hate to think what my life would be like if she weren't in it. I'd hate to think she thought to herself, "Do I want to pay for this kid? Hell, no. I'm not dating that guy." Sheesh. To me? It sounds like you need to grow up. Maybe you're just a young guy and no wonder you don't want to date someone with kids. Parenting is tough if you do it right. My parents sacrificed a lot for me. It's not easy, so good that you thought about it before you jumped in, I guess.

 

[rob_just_rob]

I dont want to be raising another man's child, spending money on another man's child. But a female friend who's a single mother thinks im an asshole because of it.

A few comments:

1. You might be an asshole, but not for this reason.

2. Your friend thinks you're an asshole because she's afraid other guys will reject her for the same reason you stated.

3. The majority of single, childless women who I have talked to on this subject have expressed a preference (for dating, marriage, whatever) for childless men. In other words, it's not just guys who prefer childless partners.

4. The money issue aside (and it is itself significant), anyone who dates a person with a child will have to recognize that the child will always come first. You won't be taking a spur-of-the-moment weekend road trip to wine country... you won't be going to all-inclusives in the islands... and you may not even be able to have a dinner out on a Friday night.

And even if the child doesn't come first with the person you're dating, it will in the eyes of the law.

 

[hungboy18]

I wouldn't say you're a saint after reading that, I guess the attitude is a bit selfish maybe, but you're right, you shouldn't have to take care of other people's kids, but if you really love someone you gotta accept their baggage, it's a human being, I guess if I was with someone I'd do my best to love every aspect of that person's life and I'd love his child as my own, and make sure they were both happy.

the bottom line is, if you say you wouldn't like that, it's more than ok, but I guess it can be seen as a bad thing, and it's not JUST another man's son.

If you kill the cow you gotta make a burger!

 

[B_enzia35]

Don't mind her. She's just from Albuquerque. The single mother capital of the world. She's probably just a little touched; seen a few bad experiences when men who shouldn't have kids get with a single mom. That's all.

Avatar fits you.

 

[monel]

Upon reading the title of your thread I was all set to say no, you arr not an asswhol. Reading your actual post made me re-think that. I'm uncertain if your question is a hypothetical or if it's real. If the former, I think you are coming to conclusions out of ignorance. If you truly loved this woman, you would be o my too happy to raise her child and spend your money on his wellbeing. Be wise you would see the child as hers and not some other man's. If you are in fact I have a relationship with this woman then you need to end it because either you are not really "all that into her" or you are too immature to be in any committed adult relationship.

I need to stop posting from a cell phone. :redface: Let me just clean this up so it at least makes sense.

Upon reading the title of your thread I was all set to say no, you are not an asshole. Reading your actual post made me re-think that. I'm uncertain if your question is a hypothetical or if it concerns a real situation. If it's the former, I think you are coming to conclusions out of ignorance. If you truly loved this woman, you would be only too happy to help raise her child and spend your money on his wellbeing because you would see the child as her's and not some other man's.

If you are in fact I have a relationship with this woman then you need to end it because either you are not really "all that into her" or you are too immature to be in any committed adult relationship.

 

[hud01]

Unless the boyfriend is dead, how would you know he would never return? I have heard of cases wherein the dad returned home, found another man with his kid, and damn near killed the guy. In today's generation, it pays to be wise. Ladies and gentleman, we are living in 2011 (almost 2012). Get your heads out of the sand: this is not 1810.

Speaking from a female's point of view who never had kids, all the men I have known/dated were glad I did not have any kids: they did not want the responsibility.
No, I would not date a man who had kids -- unless they were grown and out the house. Better yet, there are men who do not want any kids, period. This is not being selfish.

Women must choose carefully and wisely, who they lie with and whose seed is implanted in them, too. This issue would not have been discussed, save, 50 yrs. ago, now, would it?

Finally, women, you made your bed, now, lie in it!

50 years ago most women stayed home. There were no laws on equality. The internet did not exist. Nor did cell phones.

Basically you are a jerk

 

[Florida Boy]

Of course you don't have to have a relationship with a single mother if you don't want one.

Conversely, I don't know any single mothers who would want a relationship with someone who resented their child.

No.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

I dont want to be raising another man's child, spending money on another man's child. But a female friend who's a single mother thinks im an asshole because of it.

Your female friend is reacting to her own fears that she will not find a man who can love her and her children. She doesn't like to think that men have such an attitude as yours.

Neither do I.


If you love a woman, then any children she has are part of her...

and if you allow something like whether she has children determine whether you would even consider her... well that makes you a pretty shallow soul.
Its okay to be shallow... at least you're being honest about it...

But understand that, for single women with children, the example you set is one that holds to hope for them to find love.

And don't be surprised when women who have children, who sacrifice for them every day of their lives, think a lot less of you, as a man, for feeling the way you do.

I know men who feel like you do...

of course, I also think less of them, as men.