Am i an a""hole for not wanting a relationship with a single mother??

redz_rule

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I find it interesting that you're using douchebaggery to make your point, which either means that deep down you realise the huge implications entering into a relationship with someone who has kids, brings (and it the responsibility scares you), or you're just selfish and realise that you won't be the centre of attention in relationship.
I'm hoping it's the former, as it shows potential for maturity, but either way it's your decision to make.

No-one blames you for not being ready for such a committment, as an 'all of a sudden' family is very often much harder than a (more or less) planned one.
As others have mentioned, the family unit has changed quite a bit since 'the old' days, so the likelihood of dating/ending up with someone who's a parent is high, especially as you get older.

I was always told that it's not easy to accept another person's child, and that it takes a special person to do that. There are many 'good guys' (or gals) out there that will make things work because of their feelings for the parent, and have fulfilling lives as a family unit. I'm sure every child who felt abandoned by their biological parent thanked their lucky stars/deity/universe for sending them someone who showed them love and taught them that they (parent and child/ren) deserve a second chance at happiness.

To the Episcopalian lady that said the females should lay in the bed they have made: there are many reasons for single parentdom, which include things like: divorce, death, and more frequently these days, choice. Not every female is a single parent because they're skanks who don't even know which guy in the bar is the father.

Also, people are becoming more and more independent these days (especially females), so Aussie, she might be supporting you instead of the other way around. ;)

Brilliant post.

The prejudice in this thread is shocking IMO. Firstly against the OPs friend - she wasn't expecting him to pay for her kids FFS! She thought his attitude made him an arsehole. I don't disagree and if a friend of mine spouted the same shit I'd have no hesitation in calling them an arsehole too.

No-one is forcing the OP to date a single parent, so WTF is the problem? Just don't do it! As a single parent who owns a house, car, etc that I paid for myself (you know, because women can have careers these days) and who also has the support of extended family, I find the attitude that a single mother is just looking to latch on to a man to provide for her and her kid(s) offensive.

I can't imagine publicly ranting about not wanting a relationship with a guy whose parent had Altzheimer's because of the cost of care or the imposition on me and my time. I guess it's just more socially acceptable to openly display negativity towards single mothers.

The most offensive aspect though is the sneering 'you made your bed now lie in it', 'I'm not paying for your mistakes' attitude. This is what makes someone an arsehole. It implies that the kid(s) involved is/are this huge burden to their parent. It's perfectly understandable to not want to date someone with kids, and not at all unreasonable. It is, however, out of order to expect a parent to regard their child as a negative.

Does a much loved child suddenly become a liability if a relationship breaks down? Not to any decent parent. To me, the kid is the centre of the universe, I don't begrudge him a thing and wouldn't change a thing. So IMO this whole thread is a total non-issue because any parent worthy of the name wouldn't go within a mile of someone with the OP's attitude. Problem solved.
 

Serpentlike

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I can relate to the guys hesitation. It makes the relationship way more complex and a little intimidating. Are you going stock around? Do you plan on being in his life even if you and the girl break up? These are questions you have to think about because the kids heart can be broken by your relationship with his mom.
 

dolfette

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i've not had a serious relationship since splitting with my ex. not for want of offers but because my kids come first.
 

dolfette

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This is how I have chosen to live my life too and that's why some of the assumptions in this thread piss me off so much.
uh huh. we're perfectly capable of supporting and raising our kids without constantly yearning for some guy to take over the parenting responsibilities for us.

the truth is, i'm just that much more picky now. my life already feels complete without a man. it would have to be a seriously special guy inspiring deep, deep emotions in me for me to want to change a thing.
 

redz_rule

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uh huh. we're perfectly capable of supporting and raising our kids without constantly yearning for some guy to take over the parenting responsibilities for us.

the truth is, i'm just that much more picky now. my life already feels complete without a man. it would have to be a seriously special guy inspiring deep, deep emotions in me for me to want to change a thing.

Bingo. I don't recognise the single parent depiction in this thread at all.
 
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I wouldn't take on another man's kids for anything. I know some people who have, and they have had nothing but endless grief.
 

D_Tam_Ponds

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Being a parent is a wonderful and amazing thing. Yes, it comes with responsibility, it takes time, money, patience, the list goes on. The rewards, if you are open to them, are endless. But it is about putting someone else before yourself. If you are too immature and self-centered, you don't need to bash single mothers or innocent children. Either move along and enjoy your self-centered life (which is ok) or take a look inward and assess the situation.

Raising children isn't glamorous, they WILL puke on you, give you the flu and throw a big embarrasing fit at the grocery store. But they also love you (except for the teenage years), make you proud, make you laugh, and give your life meaning.