Am I an incel?

1g5463

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I’m 27 years old, live with my mom and work a low paying job. I’m ugly physically and I’m obese. I have autism and depression and find it very hard to make friends. In fact I have no friends at all. All I do on a daily basis is sleep, eat, work and sleep. I do not socialise at all. I feel worthless and know I am alone. I am starting to develop negative views of women. I know I’m unattractive to every woman in my current state and I want to get better but I feel it’s pointless and not going to improve anything.


But I have had sex off dating apps and several relationships albeit they barely last a few weeks. This is when I was slimmer and younger. The last time I had sex was off Tinder and that was over 2 years ago. But I’ve lost the will to do anything but sleep and eat.

Am I an incel? Is there hope for me?
 
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Talstar

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Based on what you have said, it doesn’t sound like you are an incel. The fact that you know you issues and are questioning is good. Doing small improvements to your life can help you get some control and momentum in making yourself happier. It could also be worth seeing local mental health services in your area.
 

1g5463

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Based on what you have said, it doesn’t sound like you are an incel. The fact that you know you issues and are questioning is good. Doing small improvements to your life can help you get some control and momentum in making yourself happier. It could also be worth seeing local mental health services in your area.
Can I ask why you think I’m not an incel? And yes I need to improve myself asap
 

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By definition you are, however I think you're looking for an easy way out.

You seem smart... smart enough to realize your shortcomings and able to articulate them to internet strangers. I think you're fishing for some kind of support to make you either feel better about your own dismay or perhaps some other support to validate your opinions of yourself. Either way, I call bullshit.

I think you just need to make a decision to get better and start about doing it one day at a time. You can dig yourself out of this hole you're in if you truly want to. It will take time, it will take a lot of work, and I would also bet that it took you a long time to get to where you are today as well so it's gonna take a while to get back.

The choice is yours. You already know what to do. You just have to start. Good luck.
 

1g5463

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So even though I’ve had sex I’m still celibate?
By definition you are, however I think you're looking for an easy way out.

You seem smart... smart enough to realize your shortcomings and able to articulate them to internet strangers. I think you're fishing for some kind of support to make you either feel better about your own dismay or perhaps some other support to validate your opinions of yourself. Either way, I call bullshit.

I think you just need to make a decision to get better and start about doing it one day at a time. You can dig yourself out of this hole you're in if you truly want to. It will take time, it will take a lot of work, and I would also bet that it took you a long time to get to where you are today as well so it's gonna take a while to get back.

The choice is yours. You already know what to do. You just have to start. Good luck.
 

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So even though I’ve had sex I’m still celibate?

What does it matter? Why do you care about the applicability this label? Whether it applies or not, the details of what you life is actually like are the same regardless. Wouldn't it be better that you instead focus on what you could be doing to make your life closer to how you want it?
 

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You are if you blame women and think they owe you something.

There is hope for you if you stop blaming women and take responsibility for your own life.

No one owes you anything. This sets you free to live your best life. :cool:
 

1g5463

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You are if you blame women and think they owe you something.

There is hope for you if you stop blaming women and take responsibility for your own life.

No one owes you anything. This sets you free to live your best life. :cool:
I do not blame women
I blame myself for being lazy and complacent
 

Sagittarius84

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You sound like you just let yourself go. You said it yourself, you had some casual success in yrs past, that alone kinda put you in an upper eschelon of guys, as most young men aren't desirable to most young women.
If you hadn't gained weight and happened to be especially tall, you would demographically be Pete Davidson.
Get a shrink, get some meds, take your ass to the gym or whatever corner of your mom's basement a weight bench and a mirror will fit in and do the necessary work, otherwise you will absolutely be called and regarded as an incel in your interactions with women, whether you embody the spirit or not..
 

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I do not blame women
I blame myself for being lazy and complacent
then you don't seem like an incel. If you were an asshole about it all, you'd be more likely to be one. It just seems like you owe yourself more, and wonder if you should try to do more for yourself. I think you should! Besides you got a pretty big cock man, ladies would feel whatever it is they need to feel from it. You've had sex before, and you were successful enough on dating apps to get laid. What about the relationships, though, made them end so soon? Really try to think back and analyze what happened, whether it was you or her or both of you that made it end. I think you can get it going on for yourself for sure!
 
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8inchy

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You sound like you just let yourself go. You said it yourself, you had some casual success in yrs past, that alone kinda put you in an upper eschelon of guys, as most young men aren't desirable to most young women.
If you hadn't gained weight and happened to be especially tall, you would demographically be Pete Davidson.
Get a shrink, get some meds, take your ass to the gym or whatever corner of your mom's basement a weight bench and a mirror will fit in and do the necessary work, otherwise you will absolutely be called and regarded as an incel in your interactions with women, whether you embody the spirit or not..
I let myself go over covid. It was a shit time that had a huge effect on my weight, sexuality, business success etc. At 59 I have started to see a shrink. It is scary every time and amazing. Sometimes changing the pattern takes an event not just will. Finding the kick or boost or motivation to seek a difference ... whoo it sucks but is worth it.
 
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jackthrwn

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I thought incel meant "involuntary celebrate" . It sounds like you don't have interest in dating though? You sound more like just another person with the tism trying to make it through a world that isn't nurturing or accepting to that type of person. Therapy works wonders but also finding alternative means of socializing. It's hard to truly make suggestions but yes there is a lot of hope for you. I'm half way across the world but some of the coolest people I have met have autism. There most definitely are other people that would absolutely love you.
 
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Ray3

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I’m 27 years old, live with my mom and work a low paying job. I’m ugly physically and I’m obese. I have autism and depression and find it very hard to make friends. In fact I have no friends at all. All I do on a daily basis is sleep, eat, work and sleep. I do not socialise at all. I feel worthless and know I am alone. I am starting to develop negative views of women. I know I’m unattractive to every woman in my current state and I want to get better but I feel it’s pointless and not going to improve anything.


But I have had sex off dating apps and several relationships albeit they barely last a few weeks. This is when I was slimmer and younger. The last time I had sex was off Tinder and that was over 2 years ago. But I’ve lost the will to do anything but sleep and eat.

Am I an incel? Is there hope for me?
Start with small changes and improvements and be consistent, you'll be surprised at how much progress you can make. Get yourself a whiteboard and some colourful whiteboard-markers and write down your goals and dreams on it. Print pictures of things you'd like and stick them on the board. Every day you wake up you'll see it and therefore it will always be at the forefront of your mind. When you succeed in achieving a goal you've written on the whiteboard, cross it out and put a green check mark next to it. Seeing how many goals you've checked off will be very motivational and inspire you to add more.

I did all of the above and it really did help me stay on track and achieve my goals.

and remember, whether you decide to accomplish your goals or not the same amount of time will pass, so why not work on your goals anyway? Even if you were to invest half the effort you'd still be further along than if you hadn't started at all :emoji_thinking:

You've got this.
 
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