Am I been unreasonable?

Bbucko

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She is being melodramatic and ridiculous.

I agree. I was in a *constantly high drama* relationship with a guy throughout my later 20s (just over four years: 25-29), and through all the strains, the fabulously good times and the grudge-fucks (which we both enjoyed), there was always a tone of oppression within the relationship. That tone came from his side, not mine at all.

Long story short, I'd had an absolutely hellish day at work which happened to coincide with Valentine's Day. Though we'd made plans, I was feeling cranky, overworked and thoroughly abused; the only thing I was good for that night was going home, brooding in solitude and going to bed early.

As this was way before the age of text messages, I told him over the phone that I simply did not have it within me to be social at all. What I needed was to reassess my (work) priorities and get some rest. He just wouldn't get it.

Instead, he found a great chance to tell me once again how much I sucked. We broke up that night, to our mutual relief. Granted: the relationship had been treading water for months, but I don't think that I ever felt quite as free as that February 14 when he finally "chose" to dump me.

We did, however, eventually pick up the threads of our friendship, and remained close confidants for years afterward. Some relationships just evolve away from sexual intimacy, that's all.
 

twoton

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NEVER EVER say things like this via SMS. The true meaning is never conveyed. A call would have been so much better and she would have heard your voice -


Totally agree. I was going to say something similar but the younger generation is so accustomed to text that it seems to be the way they do everything. :wink:
 

Thirdlegproduction

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Please demonstrate this for me so I can watch her bitchslap you and then laugh.

No respectable woman is going to sit there silent and subservient and listen to you tell her "how it's going to be and that's the end of it". No wonder you hook up with younger girls if that's how you think you should treat and talk to women...

She is very insecure and needs clarity, he needs to give it to her for her to stop feeling this way and accept that their relationship is not in any danger.

Has nothing to do with respectability or how to talk to women, has to do with how to take away this particular womans insecurity.

These are not demands but making his intentions as clear as possible with no room for misinterpretation.

Your last remark about me dating one 18 year old girl is of a more personal nature and has nothing to do with the op's issue and was kind of uncalled for.
 

BigDikkedGuy

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Ok guys and girls, what would you say if you were to meet your GF or BF with some friends for an evening out and then your GF or BF asked if it was alright that he/she went home alone that night.


I was supposed to be going out with my gf and some friends tonight to a comedy club. I have been feeling like shit, headcold/hay fever the last 3 days and am all stuffed up. I haven't slept properly in the last 3 days either.

I said to my gf this afternoon by text that i wasn't feeling well and if she minded if she didn't spend the night tonight at mine as I want to try and get a good nights sleep and shake the cold before the weekend.

She didn't take it to well and asked if I wanted her not to come tonight (which isn't the case). Anyway after some more sms it has now gotten into a big thing. She thinks now that I don't want to be with her and she said if we were living together that I wouldn't be able to go anywhere else just because I have a cold. We have been dating for 10 weeks so taking abut living together shouldn't come into the equation.

Am I missing something? Is it unreasonable to want to go home alone tonight because I am not feeling well?

It is not the first time that she has acted this way, the times before she says it is because she is afraid of loosing me, which is a great thing to hear form her but to be honest I don't think it is healthy for the relationship if she is always reacting this way because I want to be alone sometimes.

how are you 60% gay but have a girlfriend? No judegement just wondering
 

Bbucko

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Sounds like he gave you the best possible V-days gift and something you absolutely wanted, Uncle B. Your freedom.

Indeed he did; I'd prefer to think that we profited equally from that hellish phone call. I think if you asked him today, 23 years later, he'd agree.
 

treeoflife

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how are you 60% gay but have a girlfriend? No judegement just wondering

This is one of the things that I was honest with my girlfriend with she knows I am bisexual (if i have to put a label on it) and she is fine with it, or at least so she says...

Would it seem better if i was 40% gay and had a gf?
 

dude_007

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The other thing is, lots of women feel a need to take care of their partner when he is feeling sick just to be there for him in his time of need.

The first rejection is not wanting her at home and the second not wanting her to take care of you.

Only way to clear this up is by stepping up as a man and telling her how it's going to be and that's the end of it, there's no rejection no drama and when you are feeling better you'll make it up to her.

Step up as a man and tell her how its going to be?

Seriously? You really did type that to the world?
 

B_subgirrl

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I said to my gf this afternoon by text that i wasn't feeling well and if she minded if she didn't spend the night tonight at mine as I want to try and get a good nights sleep and shake the cold before the weekend.

If I was her, I would be pissed. In fact, I would be furious. I would be thinking 'If I irritate you that much, why are we even together?'

I wouldn't have a problem if you wanted to skip the night out and just stay home together, but my company was that much of a challenge to you that you needed to get rid of me, we wouldn't be lasting much longer.

When I'm sick, I want the people I care about to be near me. I don't try to get rid of them.
 

B_subgirrl

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i prefer to be alone, which is why i wouldn't be out partying first.

So that's when I get you a warm blanky, some cold and flu meds and a hot drink, and I go hang out on LPSG.

I get that not everyone wants people in their face when they're sick. But the message I get when he says 'Don't come over' is 'You're so irritating that you even irritate me when there's a wall or two between us'. I would feel that a) He didn't like me very much and b) He didn't know me very well if he thought I'd be insisting on snuggles and stuff when he's a 'Don't get in my face' kinda person.
 

dolfette

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So that's when I get you a warm blanky, some cold and flu meds and a hot drink, and I go hang out on LPSG.

I get that not everyone wants people in their face when they're sick. But the message I get when he says 'Don't come over' is 'You're so irritating that you even irritate me when there's a wall or two between us'. I would feel that a) He didn't like me very much and b) He didn't know me very well if he thought I'd be insisting on snuggles and stuff when he's a 'Don't get in my face' kinda person.
everyone is entitled to their personal space. i wouldn't want someone hovering around in it. it'd stop me relaxing 100%.

but his choice to go out says that he doesn't mind drunken strangers being around him when he's ill but he does mind her.
 

EllieP

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Texting is the downfall of relationships, I'm thoroughly convinced. Text me to pick up some milk or dry cleaning. Do not text me that you're ill.

Wouldn't if be fantastic if you could send a text and then it could be read aloud in your voice??? Yes, it's called a frigging telephone!!! CALL ME!

My daughter knows damn good and well that I will not respond to a text with a text if it's something even remotely important. I will call.

I know you're probably younger than me, but for heaven's sakes, get some old fashion values together and avoid the pain.

Also, if I'm feeling lousy I stay in. You went out to avoid hurting her feelings and you hurt them anyway.
 

molotovmuffin

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All I want to add to this is this...when I feel like crap that last thing I want is people around me. If I'm really sick, even less so. I do not want to be hacking, wheezing, sniffling, couching and blowing my nose and HAVE to worry that I'm not keeping you entertained or that I'm keeping your sorry ass awake the whole night as well. Thanks but no thanks. Sorry if that hurts your feeling but go fucking home.
 

TheRob

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everyone is entitled to their personal space. i wouldn't want someone hovering around in it. it'd stop me relaxing 100%.

but his choice to go out says that he doesn't mind drunken strangers being around him when he's ill but he does mind her.

or it says he's ok when he's awake but wants to sleep when he goes home
why does everything have to be an attack on a woman
really