Am I being irrational?

[claddagh]

I agree, be careful. The sexual jokes/innuendo do imply that he's wanting more pretty quickly. The dream, may or may not mean anything - but I'd be careful.

I had a nice date with a guy once, we were going to go out a second time but he called and said that he was being sent out of town on business. So he asked me if I would come over to his house for dinner. He had seemed nice enough, so I agreed.

When I got to his house I felt a little creeped out. He made us cocktails, showed me around his house and he was telling me how quiet his neighborhood was and that he had a 7' high privacy fence, etc. We ate dinner, more cocktails and I'm starting to get light headed - I have a very high tolerance for alcohol, something wasn't right.

I started to help clear the table and he said he had to go to the bathroom. All of a sudden he was behind me and only wearing his underwear. Luckily I only felt light headed, but wasn't drunk. I told him that I wasn't interested in having sex yet and that I needed to go home. I got in my car and left.

That's all I remember....I don't know how I got home and I only lived 15 minutes away....I woke up at 5 am lying on my bedroom floor naked, apparently I was taking my clothes off to go to bed and just fell over onto the floor and passed out. I'm pretty sure he put something in my drink.

So if it doesn't feel right, don't do it, don't meet him in private yet. There are a lot of scary people out there.

 

[dolfette]

scary shit!!

 

[redz_rule]

^this^

 

[PhoenixInvictus]

I think its good that you told him, this way if you do ever have sex with him, he will know that you aren't into it and he won't do it.

 

[D_Hey Sailor]

I am currently playing the dating game too, and my immediate thoughts from what you've written are as follows:

1) You have got to establish some firm boundaries. So far it sounds like he's been pretty good at getting what he has wanted even though you're apprehensive. Give an inch, he'll try and take a mile (or attempt it again in a different way). If he's making you uncomfortable in doing so, you have to confront him about it.
2) Slooooooowwww it down. Reciprocation is a powerful thing, and I realize that you said he scored points, but you have got to remember he only "scored" by apologizing for something he should not have done in the first place (being pushy). I would still be apprehensive about what kinds of future contact take place.
3) Evaluate things objectively. You've gone through a lot of sh!te in 2 dates! Are things going how you want? Will they? What do you want? Is he OK with what you want? Consider questions like those and if you're at all uneasy about the answers, talk with him about it. Presumably you're dating to establish a relationship; do not build it on quicksand!


I am sure he's nice and all that, but if you're like me, a nice guy with a serious fault is tantamount to pissin' in mah cherrios. :fart:


Edit: Potential point four... if you've got trust concerns about going into the bedroom with him, that sends up all sorts of red flags to me...

 

[redz_rule]

I am currently playing the dating game too, and my immediate thoughts from what you've written are as follows:

1) You have got to establish some firm boundaries. So far it sounds like he's been pretty good at getting what he has wanted even though you're apprehensive. Give an inch, he'll try and take a mile (or attempt it again in a different way). If he's making you uncomfortable in doing so, you have to confront him about it.
2) Slooooooowwww it down. Reciprocation is a powerful thing, and I realize that you said he scored points, but you have got to remember he only "scored" by apologizing for something he should not have done in the first place (being pushy). I would still be apprehensive about what kinds of future contact take place.
3) Evaluate things objectively. You've gone through a lot of sh!te in 2 dates! Are things going how you want? Will they? What do you want? Is he OK with what you want? Consider questions like those and if you're at all uneasy about the answers, talk with him about it. Presumably you're dating to establish a relationship; do not build it on quicksand!


I am sure he's nice and all that, but if you're like me, a nice guy with a serious fault is tantamount to pissin' in mah cherrios. :fart:


Edit: Potential point four... if you've got trust concerns about going into the bedroom with him, that sends up all sorts of red flags to me...

Brilliant post. Brilliant.

 

[helgaleena]

If he doesn't listen when you are putting the brakes on in public situations, what are the chances he'll refuse to stop when you are alone together? Good doms always Listen to the sub.

No. Just let him romance you in public until he tires of you, or tell him you are calling it off, or whatever it takes to make you feel safe. Don't be pressured. The pressure is only mild now and it can be far worse,

 

[TheRob]

I'm struggling with this exactly. I'm a big chicken sort who is always afraid that every little noise I hear is some serial killer coming to my back door. So maybe I did get the creepy vibe, but I always have to wonder if I'm just getting carried away. My imagination really gets the best of me - I could be Stephen King with what goes on in my head sometimes. LOL

it's impossible forus to give you advice on someone we have never met...
and having a DREAM (which I will point out is different then a fantacy) about tieing someone up dosn't mean you arn't a gentleman...

 

[B_subgirrl]

I think he's just making sure that you know what he likes early on to make sure the boxes are ticked before the two of you get too involved. His continued pursuit of you suggests to me that he DOES think he can convert you. However, I don't think you need to be any more worried about safety than you would be with anyone else. An interest in BDSM does NOT make him any more likely to be dangerous than anyone else would be.

To be honest, I can't see a relationship between the two of you going anywhere. He has told you clearly what he is into, and it is a sexual interest you do not share. If you aren't into it as well, it's likely that he'll end up unsatisfied, and you'll end up feeling bad because you can't give him what he wants. You're also likely to end up feeling pressured to do something you don't want to do (whether the pressure is really there or not), and it's likely you'll end up resenting him for it.

 

[monstro]

You have your sexual preferences, he has his. If the two of you are into the same thing, beautiful, if not, then it's nobody's fault, it's just the way it is. Move on. Find the right guy for you. He's out there.

 

[hsarge]

It is obvious that this is his means of sexual pleasure. From you own words it is not yours. He will eventually want what he wants. Will you be willing to change? I doubt he will. People often expand their sexual experiences, but rarely stop what they find pleasurable.

 

[kurios]

Bail

 

[MisterSix]

To be honest, I can't see a relationship between the two of you going anywhere. He has told you clearly what he is into, and it is a sexual interest you do not share. If you aren't into it as well, it's likely that he'll end up unsatisfied, and you'll end up feeling bad because you can't give him what he wants. You're also likely to end up feeling pressured to do something you don't want to do (whether the pressure is really there or not), and it's likely you'll end up resenting him for it.

I agree. This is what turns him on. If it isn't your cup of tea, so to speak, then there's no need to continue the relationship.

You could find yourself in a situation that could be very terrifying and for you would be closer to assault than sex or satisfying.