Hey guys, after some time in the shadows i decided to show up here and leave the spectator seat for a while.
Disclaimer: English isn't my native language, still i challenged mysel to write the post without internet's help so, you may find some crimes when it comes to grammar.
There is something happening to me and i've started to wonder if that pattern shows up more commonly and how to deal with it, but first i'll give you some context.
I'm 24yo and i have 2 major relationships in my life, the first lasted 1 year and the second, my current one, it's been 6 months. I know that's relatively short, but to me those were the longest. Both started the same way, i was exited, emotionaly invested, responsable, caring about each little thing about us, the bond grew healthly and it was a great experience, i was always trying to do something romantic, unexpected, and the reaction was priceless to me, the fact that i was making them happy was enough to make me even happier, it seemed like i had found my way to happly ever after.
But a few months in and i'm drowned in anhedonia, basic romance became more like a duty than something that makes me feel good, the relationship itself wasn't toxic in any way, no violence, no jealousy, good intimacy, things just got... Boring.
The problem is, i'm not a party guy, i like boring, i wanna have a family, never felt confortable having casual sex frequently, changing partners like underwear (obviously that doesn't make me better than anyone and is totally fine to be the way you think is best), so those boyfriends, in theory, were perfect to me, and they loved me, i could feel, and in the beginning i thought i loved them too.
I readed 5 languages of love by Gary Chapman, and according to my interpretation it seems like i was yet having a crush on them, it wasn't love, i have to chose to love now, and do it everyday until it gets deeper, but, that's it? There is no human being in this earth that will give me butterflies for more than 6 months? Is there something wrong with me? When i met them, we clicked, both cases, it was magical, then the magic fades and i get myself tickling so i get some space, doing less romantic things and hoping in silence that he's feeling the same way so we can break up without hurting each other too much. I would never cheat, but part of me feels that i'm already doing it when masturbation fells better than having sex with him, because when we do i feel guilty for those twisted feelings. I'm loyal, romantic, my mother in law loves me, and he does too, i convinced him that we will stay together forever, because i really believed that, but now... I feel trapped, not only in my current relationship, but in a cycle, why wold i free him and move on if the next will be exactly the same? Maybe the answer is try to find that deep love Gary is talking about, what do you think?
If you want more details feel free to ask, i also would love to know about similar stories.
Disclaimer: English isn't my native language, still i challenged mysel to write the post without internet's help so, you may find some crimes when it comes to grammar.
There is something happening to me and i've started to wonder if that pattern shows up more commonly and how to deal with it, but first i'll give you some context.
I'm 24yo and i have 2 major relationships in my life, the first lasted 1 year and the second, my current one, it's been 6 months. I know that's relatively short, but to me those were the longest. Both started the same way, i was exited, emotionaly invested, responsable, caring about each little thing about us, the bond grew healthly and it was a great experience, i was always trying to do something romantic, unexpected, and the reaction was priceless to me, the fact that i was making them happy was enough to make me even happier, it seemed like i had found my way to happly ever after.
But a few months in and i'm drowned in anhedonia, basic romance became more like a duty than something that makes me feel good, the relationship itself wasn't toxic in any way, no violence, no jealousy, good intimacy, things just got... Boring.
The problem is, i'm not a party guy, i like boring, i wanna have a family, never felt confortable having casual sex frequently, changing partners like underwear (obviously that doesn't make me better than anyone and is totally fine to be the way you think is best), so those boyfriends, in theory, were perfect to me, and they loved me, i could feel, and in the beginning i thought i loved them too.
I readed 5 languages of love by Gary Chapman, and according to my interpretation it seems like i was yet having a crush on them, it wasn't love, i have to chose to love now, and do it everyday until it gets deeper, but, that's it? There is no human being in this earth that will give me butterflies for more than 6 months? Is there something wrong with me? When i met them, we clicked, both cases, it was magical, then the magic fades and i get myself tickling so i get some space, doing less romantic things and hoping in silence that he's feeling the same way so we can break up without hurting each other too much. I would never cheat, but part of me feels that i'm already doing it when masturbation fells better than having sex with him, because when we do i feel guilty for those twisted feelings. I'm loyal, romantic, my mother in law loves me, and he does too, i convinced him that we will stay together forever, because i really believed that, but now... I feel trapped, not only in my current relationship, but in a cycle, why wold i free him and move on if the next will be exactly the same? Maybe the answer is try to find that deep love Gary is talking about, what do you think?
If you want more details feel free to ask, i also would love to know about similar stories.
