Am I in love or is it just infatuation?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by titan1968, Oct 27, 2005.

  1. titan1968

    titan1968 Active Member

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    I have written about this before, but here is the whole story.... I have always thought of myself as a mainly heterosexual male, but all of this changed about 4 years ago when I met a bi European man through a chat line. We corresponded-got to know each other well- and a relationship blossomed. A few months later, we realised that we had feelings for each other. One day I asked him if we could meet in Europe; he said yes- he was very enthusiastic about it all. Needless to say we had a ball. Although he was quite busy, he found the time to see me at my hotel; I was thrilled to see him and told him so. Needless to say we had a ball.

    All of this changed a few months after my trip to Europe. He told me that he was changing jobs and would be busier than any other time in his life. He also told me that he would always be there for me, but 'we couldn't be as close as we once were'. I accepted the situation reluctantly, but told him that we could still write or call each other. He agreed. Earlier this year, he was sent to the US on business, and invited me to spend some time with him- I said yes.

    So what is my problem? At certain times of the year he is extremely busy and I don't hear a word from him for weeks on end. His 'disappearances' as he calls it drive me crazy. He did it to me last year, and I went into a depression (no, it wasn't the winter blues!), which lasted 3 or 4 months. Fortunately, I sought professional help.

    It is his busy time of year again, and I have heard little of him. To make matters worse, I'm in his hometown on business, and I haven't heard or seen him since I arrived- he had emailed me the day I left to wish me a good trip, and to say that he'd only be away for a few days....

    What am I to do? :shrug: I love this guy. :loveya: I think about him all the time. I miss him terribly (have told him so), I ache for him. He means the world to me.
    He has never given me reason to doubt him. So why am I feeling this way? What have I done wrong? What have I done to deserve this?

    I am terribly confused. Please help. ;( :argh: :shrug:

    Titan1968

    P.S.: Excuse me for such a long post.
     
  2. Dr Rock

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    I'll let you in on an observation i've made since i started being Connected to the Internet™:

    "long distance relationships" ... aren't.

    whatever other circumstantial factors are involved, it's abundantly clear that there is a large difference between the magnitude of the feelings you have for him, and the feelings he has for you. that on its own is enough to doom any friendship sooner or later, i'm afraid.

    if you want my advice, i'll give it to you, but i've watched enough people in similar situations to know that there's very little chance of you taking it. :(
     
  3. GoneA

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    I think you may just have to 'get over him'. Sounds to me that you had, what is called: A FLING. It also sounds to me like it over, so cut your losses. Moving on is not always a bad thing; quite the opposite, actually, you'll find that it's more providential to your health mentally and physically.

    Furthermore, from what you described, I don't THINK you've done anything wrong. "What have I done to deserve this?” you ask. I think you know the answer to that: NOTHING. People come into our lives and their existence therein can be short-lived. If you don't rapidly adjust to this concept, you'll be paying that psychiatrist of yours a lot more money.
     
  4. GoneA

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    double post.
     
  5. c.dub

    c.dub New Member

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    First of all, if you have to ask the question, "Am I in love or is it just infatuation?" it's infatuation. Don't belittle it by saying "just infatuation", infatuation is a powerful, confusing and dangerous emotion. With it you are relinquishing a lot of power, be careful.

    Just realize that you had an amazing time with someone, and share an special connection, some people never get that. View the situation like a cool breeze on a hot day, it's never there enough, but when it does come, how nice it is. You were probably in a particularly vulnerable place when it started, and they were able to give you peace for a bit, and that's okay. Don't let that rule you. There will be someone else who will blow into your life, and you won't have to ask if it's love or not. And when this person surfaces again, you'll just be able to have fun, and not worry about them leaving.

    Also, understand that it is possible that this person is intentionally feeding off of your reactions...

    keep your chin up
     
  6. GoneA

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    :applause: :applause:

    could not have said it better.
     
  7. madame_zora

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    Really, c.dub, that was beautiful!
     
  8. c.dub

    c.dub New Member

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    Thanks guys, I try to offer valid sincere advice amidst my barrage of sarcasm.
     
  9. Paul Vincent

    Paul Vincent <img border="0" src="/images/badges/member.gif" wi

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    The thing about online long distance relationships is that you aren't as shy or reserved since the person isn't in the room with you. So things develop quicker, you can even think you love someone you haven't met (which is strange to me).

    Also with him living so far away as Doc Rock said its hardly a relationship. Find someone in your own country.
     
  10. CUBE

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    move on dude, someone doesn't value you as much as you deserve
     
  11. Dr. Bubbles

    Dr. Bubbles New Member

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    Wonderfully articulated!!! Very sound advise. I hope he accepts it and uses it.
     
  12. GoneA

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    yeah ... join the club

    **hands c.dub club membership card**
     
  13. madame_zora

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    Yeah, it often is the sardonic bastards that come through in the end when we dig deep enough, isn't it? *validates card*
     
  14. c.dub

    c.dub New Member

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    WOO HOO! I've been validated! Ok that deserves a naked dance, excuse me for a moment...

    I believe that those of us who are able to artistically use a mordant wit do so with equal shares of genuine thoughtfulness and cynicism. Perhaps, sometimes there's more cynicism than anything else... fine, usually there's more cynicism.

    Signed, the NEWLY VALIDATED (and naked dancing) c.dub
     
  15. Matthew

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    C dub, you have to do the naked dance in front of us.
     
  16. c.dub

    c.dub New Member

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    Wouldn't be the first time, and I would bet that it wouldn't be the last...
     
  17. B_caneadea

    B_caneadea New Member

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    Your life seems consumed with pining for this guy who "doesn't have enough time" for you. Until you let him go, you can't make room for the real "Mr. Right" to come into your life.

    And to:

    Morgan
    c.dub
    Paul Vincent aka Knight
    Cube

    There's no way I could top your really excellent advice. You know me. I like to put my 2 cents in.
     
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