Am I over reacting?

[bimetaldude]

Ok. So back around 2000 I met another bisexual guy on yahoo chat. He had a cam. So we talked for many years and I would watch him on cam. In May of last year I met him in person. I really thought we hit it off. Had quite a bit in common. He lives in Florida and I live in Washington. So we went on a cruise last January and had a great time. Then I spent my birthday in Baltimore with him for a week and we had another great time.

By then, I was in love with him. But being so far away, and he is a pretty busy guy, I started to wonder if there were things that he was not telling me. On yahoo, he had 7 usernames. So I started googling them. First one I googled led me to here and then to a cam website. x-tube, ok cupid dating site and a myspace page that I did not know existed. He had pictures in a photo album called BF (insert BF name here). But they were from 2008. When I watched him on yahoo and chatted, a lot of the times it crashed and I was left just sitting there. When all the while he was on another cam site with his own room telling guys to swallow him whole, etc. I freaked out on all of this because he never told me about any of it. He reacted like this. "??? why are you upset? I do not understand why you are so upset", "those profiles and posts are old", etc. etc.

So I forgave him and joined LPSG and the other cam site.

So that leads me to Facebook. I came out to my friends and family as Bi in April. My "friend" is closeted to his family and some of his friends. So he has a Str8 facebook page. Well I am members of queer and gay bi tg groups on Facebook and have made friends on my own page through these groups.

Today I got a friend request from a guy in Mexico and I went to look at his profile and I noticed his number one friend was this guy that I was seeing. Only he had a "fake" last name, but the shirtless picture was the same I have seen on these other sites. He had 126 friends on that profile. I looked at the profile and he left recent comments on guys walls like "C'mon over here, I have something hard for you". And "Hey Sexy, hows it hanging"?

I burst into tears when I saw this profile. I have no idea if I am over reacting or being played or if it is just harmless flirting?

I blocked his cell number, deleted/blocked his facebook (the str8 one) and also deleted/blocked him on yahoo and another cam site. I sent a long text before I blocked his # that told him how hurt I was by this. I might have been fine with all of it. Had he been open with me and told me about it.

As it is, I was supposed to go to visit him at the end of next month and at this point, I cannot see it happening.

My friends are telling me to forget it, and that I am a awesome guy and deserve to be treated with respect, honesty and love. So I am trying to find a light at the end of the tunnel. Oh, and I also need to add that this was my 1st M/M relationship. I felt like he did not want people to know we were seeing one another.

Oh well, one good thing came out of this. I found this awesome site.

A very sad Scott in Seattle...

:frown1::frown1:

 

[nudeyorker]

I'm sorry you are sad in Seattle, you should be doing the happy dance that you found out sooner rather than later that this guy was playing you.
You are not over reacting. Someday you will meet someone who is worthy of you.
I'm glad you are enjoying LPSG, now think about all the other things you have gained rather than lost from this experience and move on,

 

[B_debonair87]

so you finally got a chance to meet someone who was jerking off on cam in a public chatroom and fell for them and is now upset because the person is still slutty?

sorry but i'm gonna have to be an asshole to you and show you some tough love....

seriously dude? how old are you? a slutty person will always be a slutty person. the signs were there and you chose to ignore it. hell even after you did your lil investigation and confronted him you accepted his apology. you seriously have no one to blame but yourself. you're just gonna have to accept your loss, brush yourself down, and keep it moving.

heres a song for your troubles

The Main Ingredient-Everybody Plays The Fool - YouTube

 

[bimetaldude]

Thanks for the advice. I have been listening to James Taylor- Fire and Rain all day.

debonair- he told me he loved me. I have only been in love 1 time my entire life and it was with a female. I do not give my heart over easily. I am in my 40's bro.

And I DO blame myself. Believe me. I feel stupid and used.

Thanks for your input.

S

 

[silvertriumph2]

NO...you are not over reacting. He was not honest with you and used you.
I would not say you were stupid, as you said...you just let your
emotions and heart overrule your ability to see the truth the first
time. You deserve better and I am sure you will be more cautious in the future.

Good Luck and don't let this sour you on future relationships..

Btw...Very glad you found us...:yup:

Hope your will ENJOY it here....NO...I know you will..:biggrin:

 

[D_Sir_Auquhorthy_Asspuddle]

I read your and actually feel bad. I mean, what kinda guy would carry on 7 user names and more. He must be one real fuckin' pro typer and con. I find this kinda thing very creepy and would probably just vanish into thin air if I found out this kind of fact. Sounds like the guy has a digusting character and you found out a little late in the process, but at least you did before you lost anything else.

I no longer seek dating from the internet any more due to this kind of thing going on with a lot of men (not really sure how it is with women). I'd rather not be involved with someone who needs to constantly be online seeking attention or sex or whatever. I just find that sort of thing very unattractive in a partner. And honestly, I feel much better for not having to worry about who a date or partner is online talking to or carrying on being a player.

Once upon a time, I had met a guy, who I thought was decent on a dating website. A year into the whole ordeal, I found out he was convicted of being with a minor and is now a sex offender. Even worse, I found out after more investigation, he is HIV+. And the only way I found out about this whole mess is he called me crying one night, something obviously eating at him and he asked me for $3000.00. He was too ashamed to tell me the truth, but I knew something smelled wrong. That's when I started to check on facts.

Thank god I never gave one penny. But what he doesn't know is the number of nights that all this nonsense consumed my mind in worry, fear, disgust, wondering why me of all people? I mean, he would have gladly took $3000 if I said, "oh sure, don't you worry, give me your bank account number". That's what made me feel like a piece of shit after. I would have been the one getting strung out.

Funny thing now is he calls me "to see how I'm doing" and frankly, I just had enough of the nonsense and left the whole mess. I think he wants to be part of my life somehow. He tries to call or email, but in the end the joke is on him because I really don't care to know him anymore. He's got nothing now, career taken away, a record, no money, etc. So, I think a guy who could go around with 7 user names, acting one way to your face and leading a darker twisted life on the internet will wind up the same: with nothing. He certainly sounds like he is on his way to that.

 

[dad4you]

Don't blame yourself. I had someone like that in my life for a while, finally has the police in his state check him out.. He was a loser, and I lost a little of my naivte.. sp... but I count myself lucky, even though I am alone.

 

[MelbourneGirl]

Really sorry to hear abour this. Yes, there are some creeps online.....but you'll find some good ones too *hugs*

 

[Otep]

One thing missing from your post and one thing I'm curious about is whether at any point he agreed to enter into a relationship of sorts with you. Obviously you had feelings for him and he may have had them for you but the distance is clearly a problem. If he never agreed to be monogamous, to be in a relationship with you or to stop camming then I don't see what he has done wrong in this situation.

If he lied then that sucks but if there wasn't commitment there then he's basically just a guy you met online who lied to you.

 

[bimetaldude]

Kind of Both Otep. He did straight out tell me that we were in a long distance relationship earlier this year. I accepted the camming because he said it was just random people and I look at other guys camming sometimes or even gay/bi porn. Since we are on opposite ends of the USA. He said he has never lied to me and tells me everything he is doing. Yet I found out about all this other stuff on my own. What upsets me is that after I found the extra sites and stuff I asked him if he had more than one Facebook profile and he said "No". And then yesterday I found the one with the fake last name and the flirting with other guys (he has nothing marked private on anything). He told me that these are random guys that he does not know and that it is only "words", not "actions". We are talking again but I need to tell him that I need him to be more open with me.

I thank everyone for their comments and suggestions. This guy has literally spoiled me rotten in 15 months. Showering me with lavish gifts, trips and more. We really like each other. And I am finding it very hard to quit him. It does not matter if he spoiled me or not, I still would like him just the same. I just was throwing it out there that he is not a bad person (the guy I know that I spent time with)

Another thing that is hard is that he is a Non Oral Top. Dom. I am a very oral sub virgin bottom, And so I never get off. He has yet to tap me and I have wanted to now for almost 7 months. I just wanted to try a real one other than my toy. But he has never gone there, just wants me to suck his dick all the time (he is hung 8X6 and knows it and has a ego about it)

 

[piratebulldog]

Debonair, called this one. Time for some tough love, my friend. In all of this, you sound like you two guys are cut from the same cloth. Stop being naive or at least acting naive. Move on if you want but sounds to me you don't want to do so. You have been doing this for over 10 years.

 

[bimetaldude]

??????? I do not have a cam. I have been talking to him for over 10 years and met him in May of 2010 and we really hit it off. we talk dozens or times each day, via text and online. Its you mostly str8 guys who are calling me names, etc.

Cut from the same cloth how? I do not have a cam. I do not talk to other guys on sites and say sexual things back to them. I admitted that I have watched other guys j/o on cam but I did not talk to them.

I asked if I was over reacting not for a character assassination.

 

[helgaleena]

The first thing to do is start using the past tense when you refer to this man. Because he was a 'first' for you, it's no wonder that you got sentimental about him. But you two obviously didn't fit. He's in the closet, he's not ever looking for monogamy, he's selfish and not willing to satisfy you. Whatever other nice qualities he may have he's not for you any longer because you want him to be the one who actually satisfies you. Just saying he loves you is easy for him to glibly do, but his actions are not loving, no matter how sexy.

You deserve both. If it hurts too much to accept his hollow arousal triggering, refrain and look in new places.

 

[LaFemme]

Yeah, don't listen to those guys - takes all kinds.

If you were "cut from the same cloth", this wouldn't be hurting so much right now. You'd be onto your next conquest with minimal regrets. Then again, I'm not even going to guess what was going on in your (hopefully) ex's head.

You aren't overreacting. You wanted something and someone so bad that you were willing to overlook all the red flags. I think most of us have done that at one time or another - whether it's online or not. Just make sure you learn something from the experience and don't repeat it.

Do not take this guy back. Learn something. Be better and expect better. Focus on what a player this guy is. Remember you are a better man than that. Don't beat yourself up. There's lots of us who want to love, be loved and have hot sex!

*big hugs*

 

[bimetaldude]

The first thing to do is start using the past tense when you refer to this man. Because he was a 'first' for you, it's no wonder that you got sentimental about him. But you two obviously didn't fit. He's in the closet, he's not ever looking for monogamy, he's selfish and not willing to satisfy you. Whatever other nice qualities he may have he's not for you any longer because you want him to be the one who actually satisfies you. Just saying he loves you is easy for him to glibly do, but his actions are not loving, no matter how sexy.

You deserve both. If it hurts too much to accept his hollow arousal triggering, refrain and look in new places.

Thank you. It sounds like you understand what i am feeling pretty much. Funny because when I first met him in person, i was afraid to go up to him because i was not physically attracted to the rest of him. But that came in time, when we were on a cruise and we had separate beds but I found myself sitting up and watching him sleep. Then I realized that I was falling for him. The relationship DID start out with me only seeing his penis and some pictures online.

This is the weirdest relationship I have ever been in before...

We slept in the same bed for the first time in May of this year and the first night I just laid there and looked at him. but the next night and every night after that, we snuggled. And I REALLY liked that a lot. One night he grabbed my arm and put it over him and held my hand as we fell asleep.

I am NOT looking for pity. I was looking for advice and some of you have given me some good advice and tips!!!

I have tried to suck it up before and walk away but he always comes back with a big hug.

 

[bimetaldude]

Yeah, don't listen to those guys - takes all kinds.

If you were "cut from the same cloth", this wouldn't be hurting so much right now. You'd be onto your next conquest with minimal regrets. Then again, I'm not even going to guess what was going on in your (hopefully) ex's head.

You aren't overreacting. You wanted something and someone so bad that you were willing to overlook all the red flags. I think most of us have done that at one time or another - whether it's online or not. Just make sure you learn something from the experience and don't repeat it.

Do not take this guy back. Learn something. Be better and expect better. Focus on what a player this guy is. Remember you are a better man than that. Don't beat yourself up. There's lots of us who want to love, be loved and have hot sex!

*big hugs*

*big hugs back*. Thank you. Nice to get females stance on this. And yeah if I could find someone I like, then I probably would just walk away. Being that it is my first BF, i am having a hard time letting the security that I feel when I am with him go. I am trying though.

 

[jtmony08]

You have truly been blessed. You found out about this guy before the situation could become worst. He's still playing checkers while you're playing chess. I will not minimize the pain you're going through by telling you to forget him. That's not very easy when you've invested you heart. However, when the pain is over, take the experience and enjoy Mr. or Mrs. Right.

 

[aninnymouse]

He's a user. He wants to have his cake and eat it, too.

If it weren't for all of the other lies he'd told about not having other cams, chatting with other guys while Yahoo crashed, etc, I'd say, suck it up. However, He clearly misrepresented himself, and flat out lied to you.

The question is, what else is he lying about, and do you want to get any deeper into it.

You seem like a good guy. Honest, caring and loving. You deserve better. I know you can find it.....

 

[helgaleena]

Bi, I stayed seven years with a guy that I knew was sleeping with other women and not me, just for the cuddles at night. I was a human teddy bear. Eventually I found myself in a situation where I could pull myself together and walk, but far be it from me to say when you will be equally ready.

 

[bimetaldude]

He's a user. He wants to have his cake and eat it, too.

That is what i said when I first discovered the other cam site and this message board.

He never answers really just says "Why so intense" and "Why the drama" and I said because i love you and he said he loved me too. :frown1:

And those other two guys are not "too far" off. I DID start out almost like he did. I did not think it was possible to be in love with a man. I have been with probably 9 other guys but they were all in 2001-2009. 8 of them were hook ups/one night stands and 1 guy I messed around with a half a dozen times. That guy is also Bi, has a gf and is always texting me to come see him. He lives in Seattle also. He has never lied to me. But anyway. When I met this current guy in the physical and starting having feelings it was mind blowing because he truly is gifted and has a very sweet caring side to him.

But like you said the "used" part. I do feel that sometimes. And it makes me wonder also what else he has been up to without telling me.

He posted on this board that he has good friends who blow him. That was a post he made 4 or 5 years ago.

He claims he was just making that up.