Am I over reacting?

bimetaldude

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Bi, I stayed seven years with a guy that I knew was sleeping with other women and not me, just for the cuddles at night. I was a human teddy bear. Eventually I found myself in a situation where I could pull myself together and walk, but far be it from me to say when you will be equally ready.

Wow. i am a gemibi (gemini) so I love to help others, and love people and have a very very caring personality.

Sounds like something I would do. Stay for years even though I suspect he is looking for other guys/gals to play with.

Being Bisexual sucks sometimes.
 

helgaleena

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Wow. i am a gemibi (gemini) so I love to help others, and love people and have a very very caring personality.

Sounds like something I would do. Stay for years even though I suspect he is looking for other guys/gals to play with.

Being Bisexual sucks sometimes.

Don't do what I did. And being bi doesn't mean being a doormat. Also you don't 'suspect'-- you Know.
 

bimetaldude

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Don't do what I did. And being bi doesn't mean being a doormat. Also you don't 'suspect'-- you Know.
LOL I pictured Yoda saying that. Awesome. Thank you. Words of the wise. But he claims he has the right for free speech and can post, joke and comment whatever he likes. :):eek:
 

Florida Boy

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Ok. So back around 2000 I met another bisexual guy on yahoo chat. He had a cam. So we talked for many years and I would watch him on cam. In May of last year I met him in person. I really thought we hit it off. Had quite a bit in common. He lives in Florida and I live in Washington. So we went on a cruise last January and had a great time. Then I spent my birthday in Baltimore with him for a week and we had another great time.

By then, I was in love with him. But being so far away, and he is a pretty busy guy, I started to wonder if there were things that he was not telling me. On yahoo, he had 7 usernames. So I started googling them. First one I googled led me to here and then to a cam website. x-tube, ok cupid dating site and a myspace page that I did not know existed. He had pictures in a photo album called BF (insert BF name here). But they were from 2008. When I watched him on yahoo and chatted, a lot of the times it crashed and I was left just sitting there. When all the while he was on another cam site with his own room telling guys to swallow him whole, etc. I freaked out on all of this because he never told me about any of it. He reacted like this. "??? why are you upset? I do not understand why you are so upset", "those profiles and posts are old", etc. etc.

So I forgave him and joined LPSG and the other cam site.

So that leads me to Facebook. I came out to my friends and family as Bi in April. My "friend" is closeted to his family and some of his friends. So he has a Str8 facebook page. Well I am members of queer and gay bi tg groups on Facebook and have made friends on my own page through these groups.

Today I got a friend request from a guy in Mexico and I went to look at his profile and I noticed his number one friend was this guy that I was seeing. Only he had a "fake" last name, but the shirtless picture was the same I have seen on these other sites. He had 126 friends on that profile. I looked at the profile and he left recent comments on guys walls like "C'mon over here, I have something hard for you". And "Hey Sexy, hows it hanging"?

I burst into tears when I saw this profile. I have no idea if I am over reacting or being played or if it is just harmless flirting?

I blocked his cell number, deleted/blocked his facebook (the str8 one) and also deleted/blocked him on yahoo and another cam site. I sent a long text before I blocked his # that told him how hurt I was by this. I might have been fine with all of it. Had he been open with me and told me about it.

As it is, I was supposed to go to visit him at the end of next month and at this point, I cannot see it happening.

My friends are telling me to forget it, and that I am a awesome guy and deserve to be treated with respect, honesty and love. So I am trying to find a light at the end of the tunnel. Oh, and I also need to add that this was my 1st M/M relationship. I felt like he did not want people to know we were seeing one another.

Oh well, one good thing came out of this. I found this awesome site.

A very sad Scott in Seattle...

:frown1::frown1:

You are not over/reacting.
 

helgaleena

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LOL I pictured Yoda saying that. Awesome. Thank you. Words of the wise. But he claims he has the right for free speech and can post, joke and comment whatever he likes. :):eek:


You're not the boss of him. And he's acting like you are not a couple, either. If you WERE a couple, your sex life would have no secrets, it would all be mutual, even the 'stepping out' fully disclosed. He hides things. You have no right to stop him from being inconsiderate; you only have the right to refuse to take it.
 

bimetaldude

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You're not the boss of him. And he's acting like you are not a couple, either. If you WERE a couple, your sex life would have no secrets, it would all be mutual, even the 'stepping out' fully disclosed. He hides things. You have no right to stop him from being inconsiderate; you only have the right to refuse to take it.


You were/are right. I tried to quit him and could not and he ignored me last night and I even told him I was upset. So I am going to ignore him as well. Looking into changing my phone number actually.
 

helgaleena

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Be a warrior for yourself. Best of luck in your own defense. There's no way it won't hurt, but realize that a better love is waiting in the future.
 

atlclgurl

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let's summarize:

1. He's in the closet.
2. He lives thousands of miles from you.
3. He lies.
4. He belittles your feelings.
5. He's selfish in bed.
6. He's got you constantly waiting for him to "be sweet".
7. You never know when it's going to happen.
8. He hides his true self from you and everyone else.
9. He's rude.
10. He treats you like a doormat.

Tell me, again, why, exactly, do you want to continue to let this "person" be in your life?

If I were you I'd be listening to this: Nancy Sinatra - These Boots Are Made For Walking (1966) - YouTube
 

Stephenmass

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In gay culture or even some str8 guys who let gay guys blow em, there are hookups that are basically called zipless. I didn't know what that meant either until I heard the term a few years ago. He'll let you suck his dick as much as you want, but he does absolutely NOTHING in return. Also, somehow in his head he may feel if he doesn't kiss you or do anything to you he isn't cheating on somebody else. Strange way of thinking, but some men do think this way. I'm sorry for your pain and while I am sure you enjoy pleasing him because of your submissive nature, even submissives enjoy being "taken care of" whatever way they like. I don't see that happening with him I'm sorry to say. Change your number, move on. Bad news man.
 

atlclgurl

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A "zipless fuck" is a term coined years ago by the Novelist Erica Jong, in her book "Fear of Flying". However the term is used now, it did not start out being used to describe a guy getting blown and not giving anything back.

"The zipless fuck is absolutely pure. It is free of ulterior motives. There is no power game . The man is not "taking" and the woman is not "giving." No one is attempting to cuckold a husband or humiliate a wife. No one is trying to prove anything or get anything out of anyone. The zipless fuck is the purest thing there is. And it is rarer than the unicorn. And I have never had one.
— Erica Jong, Fear of Flying (1973)"
 

bimetaldude

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The first two times we played around we got naked. he grabbed me a couple of times and I manually got myself off while blowing him. Then the rest of the encounters with him were zipless sucks or whatever. me fully clothed as well as he fully clothed and just his jeans unbuttoned He did wear boxers to bed last may. but never took them off. Hmmmmmmmm Plus, he is advertising on his little plugs for viewers of his cam as Dom-Top. I am a Sub- Bottom but a virgin. and he good well knows it but has never made any attempt to fuck me (In the physical....).

Wow. I wonder. He has briefly kissed my lips (no tongue) a couple of times. And hugging, kissing and biting my neck. And wont fuck me. But tells me I am sexy and love you in texting but never says anything of the kind in person when we are together. I have always suspected that he is seeing multiple guys. And he denies and claims he can count the number of times he has been with a guy on both hands. 8 or something. Which is also hard to believe, due to his amazingly attractive cut large dick and balls. I have been in the chat rooms with him as of late and he is telling the room "Get busy worshiping my cock fuckers". And he says they are just random people, not real, and blah blah blah...... I told him that these are the actions of a 18-21 year old kid and not a 38 year old. But he never ever replies back when I am direct. EVER and if he does, he turns in around on me and changes the subject

I know he lives 2,504 miles away but I seriously fell for him. And now there are all these red flags and he tries to put blame on me. On that list of things wrong, I could add 20 more things.

I have been feeling sick to my stomach the past two days. Not sleeping well at all. I have had 5 hours in two days.

I feel stupid. I have airfare to go see him in 45 days for 3 days.... Non refundable.
 
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bimetaldude

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A "zipless fuck" is a term coined years ago by the Novelist Erica Jong, in her book "Fear of Flying". However the term is used now, it did not start out being used to describe a guy getting blown and not giving anything back.

"The zipless fuck is absolutely pure. It is free of ulterior motives. There is no power game . The man is not "taking" and the woman is not "giving." No one is attempting to cuckold a husband or humiliate a wife. No one is trying to prove anything or get anything out of anyone. The zipless fuck is the purest thing there is. And it is rarer than the unicorn. And I have never had one.
— Erica Jong, Fear of Flying (1973)"

We have found this post to be in violation of the present rules regarding content that is unacceptable; "Inappropriate content involving minors"
 
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Brick7

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He'll let you suck his dick as much as you want, but he does absolutely NOTHING in return.
That's called being Trade. All the action/effort/feelings is given in one direction with little to no reciprocation. Many of the early 80's gay porn featured a lot of guys who were Trade, which sucked and not in a good way.
 

helgaleena

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A "zipless fuck" is a term coined years ago by the Novelist Erica Jong, in her book "Fear of Flying". However the term is used now, it did not start out being used to describe a guy getting blown and not giving anything back.

"The zipless fuck is absolutely pure. It is free of ulterior motives. There is no power game . The man is not "taking" and the woman is not "giving." No one is attempting to cuckold a husband or humiliate a wife. No one is trying to prove anything or get anything out of anyone. The zipless fuck is the purest thing there is. And it is rarer than the unicorn. And I have never had one.
— Erica Jong, Fear of Flying (1973)"

I have to agree; it's a misuse of the concept of 'zipless' as coined by her, especially when you had to get the pants open somehow! I hope it goes out of fashion, as well as the subservience that allows it to exist.
 
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People sux at times, Don't think your over-reacting. You have received much love and support. His loss.