Am I Overreacting?

D_Ty_Le_Knott

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So before I start this whole situation was probably my fault. I joined a hookup site to meet someone for casual hookups, and I did end up meeting someone. We started emailing and planned to meet last night and tonight but I haven't went through with it yet. They started going on about how they wanted to fuck so badly, and I kind of wasn't into it (I'll probably regret it later). So today I said we should just fool around, some oral I do you, you do me type stuff, then I get an email back saying "We're not kids anymore. It always leads to sex." That last email completely took me for a loop, but I guess after I thought about it I was on a casual hookup site. I completely stopped emailing them because I'm not interested anymore, should I email them back and explain why? Or am I just being a huge douche about the situation? I feel like it's my fault, but I feel like they pushed for something I didn't want right away. I mean, I was looking for sex, but then the idea of taking it slow came across my mind. Every time I meet someone, I always fuck it up, or in the end it's not what or who I really wanted.
 

KTF40

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Personally, I'm always interested to hear why someone isn't interested in me. So I would recommend you email them and tell them why you don't want to meet.

But frankly I think you're reading into this too much because whether your potential hookup was a guy or a girl, there are tons of other men willing to have sex with that person so they are probably already over you and looking for the next person.
 

bigred0818

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Don't sweat it! If you're not ready for it, then that's perfectly fine. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone. I agree with the above. They're already onto the next best thing.
 

D_Ty_Le_Knott

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Thanks for the replies everyone. You're all right. They probably don't really care much and are on to the next. I probably should email them and let them know why I'm not interested anymore, I've been in their situation and it's not fun. I was looking to play around (and of course I'd expect it to lead to sex), but I find they were pushing it way too much, which made me lose interest. I guess I'm on to the next as well...
 

erratic

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"We're not kids anymore. It always leads to sex."

That reeks of douche.

I just being a huge douche about the situation?

No. There was just so much douche stink coming off him that it got in your hair. Give it some time, and you'll realize it was all him.

I feel like it's my fault, but I feel like they pushed for something I didn't want right away.

Just because it's a hook-up site doesn't mean you relinquish all rights to do what you want and how you want it. FFS, the whole point of hook-ups is to get what you want how you want it, isn't it? The other guy may not have wanted things to go slow(ish), but that's when a good man says "I'll be around when you're ready" or something like that.

I probably should email them and let them know why I'm not interested anymore, I've been in their situation and it's not fun.

Hard on the ego, isn't it? I always gave feedback because I hated it when people just vanished on me and left me wondering why. In my experience, getting feedback can also be hard, and he might say something dumb just to protect his ego. Don't sweat it if he does.
 

jonsing45

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I don't think you overreacted at all... If I was to ever get on a hookup site, I would play it safe... Like to talk for a bit just to make sure you're not meeting a creeper... It seemed like he/she was into JUST fuckin which isn't a bad thing but maybe that was a little too forward and too fast for u.

Just keep looking and you'll find someone...
 

D_Ty_Le_Knott

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So I've since emailed the person, and their first response was again pretty offensive. I then went into more detail about why I didn't like their last message, and they then sent sort of an apology saying they didn't expect to do anything I was comfortable with, and that they were a nice person. I told them I felt like they expected sex, and right away, and they told me that they wanted it to happen when it happens. Long story short I'm still talking with them and they still would like to meet. I'm not sure if I should after the awkwardness, so I'm still contemplating what I should do...
 

HungThickProf

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So I've since emailed the person, and their first response was again pretty offensive. I then went into more detail about why I didn't like their last message, and they then sent sort of an apology saying they didn't expect to do anything I was comfortable with, and that they were a nice person. I told them I felt like they expected sex, and right away, and they told me that they wanted it to happen when it happens. Long story short I'm still talking with them and they still would like to meet. I'm not sure if I should after the awkwardness, so I'm still contemplating what I should do...

As someone who is known for hooking-up- just go ahead and do it. You're thinking about this way too much. You know damn well that you want to do it, which is why you're still talking to them (I'm guessing that it's a guy). Worst case scenario, you get together, and you tell them that you're not ready for sex (if you're not), and you do other things or nothing at all. You're not going to know unless you do it.

And going forward, if you meeting people on a hook-up site, then realistically, you're looking for permissiveness without affection. You may not have liked how they were pushing sex, but as you've stated, you were looking for it- you just didn't care for the pushiness. I'm sure they are a nice person, but I can't fault them for actually telling you the first thing that came to mind for them. Hooking-up can be veeeeeeeery hot. But if it's no-strings-attached, then it's cold- you get what you want, they get what they want, and you keep it moving. So if you're going to play the game, play to win.
 
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Dude I have to disagree with the guy above with all due respect. Hooking up does not have to mean fucking. Listen everyone wants something out of a hookup some want sex, some just want to get off, whatever. There is nothing wrong with either. But for me if you tell the person hey Im just into trading BJs or JO or whatever...and his response is something dickish like " we arent kids"..that in an of itself is a deal breaker. Because a normal person would say hey man I understand, but I am looking to fuck. Im not faulting him for wanting to have sex.. im faulting him for a somewhat condescending remark.

I wouldnt worry about emailing him back.. I doubt he is losing sleep over it. If he emailed back you can just say hey it looked like you were hellbent on sex and I wasnt so I assume it wouldnt work out. Not a big deal.

But listen as most dudes in here who are normal lol who have hooked up, trust yoru instincts....to me his response was a red flag and I would just move on
 

theknob8

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I feel like this girl or guy(not sure what they are) is being really pushy. yes, you are on a hook up site, but when did hooking up become this it has to be sex thing.

They seemed to pushy from what u explained
 

Neva2big

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I guess I probably would email him, just to explain that you were interested, but not in fucking on your first date. Honestly, if this person isn't willing to compromise and take into account what YOU want to do & dont want to do, then he's probably an asshole & you're better off without him.
I would give him the chance to hear why you have been turned off meeting him suddenly, and give him the chance to prehaps mend his ways and respect how far you're willing to go, but chances are you wont hear back from him because he sounds like a selfish ass.
 

HungThickProf

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Dude I have to disagree with the guy above with all due respect. Hooking up does not have to mean fucking. Listen everyone wants something out of a hookup some want sex, some just want to get off, whatever. There is nothing wrong with either. But for me if you tell the person hey Im just into trading BJs or JO or whatever...and his response is something dickish like " we arent kids"..that in an of itself is a deal breaker. Because a normal person would say hey man I understand, but I am looking to fuck. Im not faulting him for wanting to have sex.. im faulting him for a somewhat condescending remark.

I wouldnt worry about emailing him back.. I doubt he is losing sleep over it. If he emailed back you can just say hey it looked like you were hellbent on sex and I wasnt so I assume it wouldnt work out. Not a big deal.

But listen as most dudes in here who are normal lol who have hooked up, trust yoru instincts....to me his response was a red flag and I would just move on

Thank you for being respectful! Seriously, I appreciate that. Please understand that I'm not pushing him into sleeping with this person. I was just trying to state that he could see where things go, since they are emailing each other once again. At this point, the red flag has already been raised, and they're conversing past it. So why focus on that? To the OP, YOU ARE NOT TO DO ANYTHING YOU DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE DOING. But if you want to meet up, do it.

To the person I'm replying to, who's to say what a normal person would say? This individual could be normal as you put it, just a little arrogant. Is this a friends with benefits situation, or this just going to be a once or every once in a while situation?

Friend with benefits? You definitely don't want an arrogant bastard. A once in a while thing? Who cares- there's either oral and masturbation, or both and then some- doesn't matter if they're sweet or arrogant- as long as you get what you want from them, and they're good at it. Shoot your load (hopefully, they've had the opportunity to get what they want), "Dude, it was nice seeing you. Thank you, now let me show you to the door".

But that's just me personally! So, OP. It's your call man! Good Luck!
 

travis7

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let it go.. its not worth it.... sex is one thing..after you meet and you make sure the chemistry is right.. other then that.... just plan to meet next time.....
But for this.. move on.. trust your gut..
 

deano-uk

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When I've had casual in the past like from a hook up site we chatted a bit and said what we were into and not into before getting down to it.. I don't think you should feel obligated to do anything you don't want to
 

D_Ty_Le_Knott

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Well, I think it's all over. I haven't texted them, and they haven't texted back so I'm just going to move on... Don't think I would have liked them in the end anyways. hah.