am i so wrong?

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by D_Hairy Truman, Oct 25, 2011.

  1. D_Hairy Truman

    D_Hairy Truman New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2010
    Messages:
    182
    Likes Received:
    0
    for the last two months a bipolar female worker who always brings her personal problems to work now has been having her current boyfriend show up for the whole day one day out of the work week and hangs around. last couple of weeks it has been two days. i'm sorry, but this is my workplace. and yet it may not interfere with me getting my work done it does make me feel uncomfortable by having a coworker bringing more her personal life physically to work on such a frequent basis.
     
  2. phndoc

    phndoc Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2010
    Messages:
    240
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chesapeake (VA, US)
    I know we all have issues. But, that is going to far. If, he wants to be there just show up for lunch and then leave.
     
  3. Hoss

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2010
    Messages:
    12,050
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    398
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Eastern town

    If it is a problem speak to your supervisor or manager or foreman or whoever else is in charge.
     
  4. Kotchanski

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2006
    Messages:
    17,395
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    70
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    England (GB)
    I think a lot depends on the type of place you work and the types of people you work with...

    I've worked in places and with people where that would have been completely acceptable, in fact, they wouldn't have had it any other way. I'm currently self-employed and have had friends turn up out of the blue and not leave even when clients arrived, this was completely unacceptable.

    If it is the type of place where this is considered acceptable, and as you say, it isn't stopping you from getting on with your work, then yes, you are wrong for that work environment at the very least. If however it isn't, then you're not wrong, but those allowing it are.
     
  5. joyboytoy79

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2006
    Messages:
    8,557
    Albums:
    4
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    DC-ish
    Let's stop here for a moment. How do you know she's bipolar? Has she confided her mental health status to you? I'm not trying to come off as accusatory, but lately I've been hearing "bipolar" tossed around as a general pejorative, and I find that unacceptable. As someone who struggles with his own mental health issues, and as the brother of a young woman who wrestles bipolar disorder, I seek clarification.
    I don't know how to answer this. The suggestions you received above to talk with a supervisor seem like sound advice to me. I can say that if this young woman does indeed suffer from bipolar disorder, she likely doesn't have the "appropriateness" filter that the rest of us see as common courtesy. That doesn't make it more acceptable, but I hope it at least helps you to see where she's coming from.
     
  6. D_Ariva_Derci

    D_Ariva_Derci Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2011
    Messages:
    92
    Likes Received:
    11
    i think that is completely out of line. when you go to work you leave your personal issues at the door. i would say something to an immediate supervisor. there is no way she can be doing her job if she has her boyfriend following her around. just sayin ;)
     
  7. D_Hairy Truman

    D_Hairy Truman New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2010
    Messages:
    182
    Likes Received:
    0
    she is bipolar as she shares a lot at the breakroom table. she is not the only one who is bipolar where i work at either. i do not know why management allows it. if she has the time to take off then she should. personally i think it is a liability, but i'm not the one in charge. maybe she thinks at work is the only time she has control over her life. i do not know. but being more private than most i believe you just leave certain things at the door when you go to work. you just don't go around advertising your personal life or problems. but that is just me and i thought this was a little overboard.
     
  8. SprinkleMe69

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2010
    Messages:
    7,882
    Likes Received:
    171
    Verified:
    Photo
    What does it say in your policy? And is she really working when her boyfriend is there? What things is he privy to when he's there? As others have said, maybe it's time to talk to the supervisor.
     
  9. rbkwp

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2007
    Messages:
    29,377
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1,958
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Auckland (AUK, NZ)
    Aconitum
    I think a lot depends on the type of place you work and the types of people you work with...

    if you answer THAT specific query then a response could be offered..
    Worked in many environments similar with folk as such where its entirely satisfactory soooooooooooooo


    she is bipolar as she shares a lot at the breakroom table. she is not the only one who is bipolar where i work at either. i do not know why management allows it.

    (NOT saying you have the problem btw OP)
     
  10. TheBestYouCan

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2011
    Messages:
    836
    Albums:
    8
    Likes Received:
    1,454
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    U.S.
    Verified:
    Photo
    I believe it's pretty obvious what you need to do. If you feel like having the boyfriend there is interfering in the workplace (and this isn't a readily accepted behavior with a long history by others as well) then you are more than warranted in seeking supervisor attention in the matter.

    Having a management background myself, sometimes managers assume certain behavior (often erroneously) is ok because nobody is actually complaining about it.
     
  11. D_Hairy Truman

    D_Hairy Truman New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2010
    Messages:
    182
    Likes Received:
    0
    i think certain exceptions are made for people where i work. i burn peoples' ears with the things i say. some people say i need a filter on my mouth. i agree. so i try to keep that in mind. but still...
     
  12. Ed69

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2006
    Messages:
    2,617
    Likes Received:
    211
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Talent (OR, US)
    So thats all it takes to be bipolar.....Realy!...wow!:rolleyes:
     
  13. Jason

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    9,936
    Likes Received:
    644
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London (GB)
    You need to speak with supervisor/manager and make the point that the presence of boyfriend makes you uncomfortable, perhaps makes it harder for you to do your job.

    Whether your colleague is or is not doing her job is not your business - that's up to a manager. So don't muddy the waters by raising this issue.

    it is not clear from the above whether your colleague has said she has bipolar disorder or whether you think this may be the case. This health issue, if she has it, may well mean that you need extra tact in dealing with the issue. Again it is not up to you to out a colleague's mental health issue to your boss UNLESS it is impacting on you - for example if she has been threatening, violent, intimidating towards you or towards someone else in your presence.

    For an employer this may be a tough issue to resolve. It may well be straightforward to say that bf cannot be present in work time, but a mental health problem is very difficult. An employer should be supportive. But an employer also has responsibilities towards all employees and customers.
     
  14. rbkwp

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2007
    Messages:
    29,377
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1,958
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Auckland (AUK, NZ)
    suppose can assume this is not a govt agency with the limited info you choose not to share op .. fair enuf
    seems you need casual workplace chatty support going by your
    placing this in the etc forum compared to relationships

    if yr workpkace is a pvte facility and the owner has no definitive policy maybe he can get away with workplace things, more so
    seems he is happy with the therapeutic value for his bipolar employees within the workplace environment he has created and it seems the persons he has employed perhaps enjoy there freedom of employment

    equal opportumity huh' its working yippeeeeeee
    GREAT'
    i had a similar pvte facility more succesful than govt agencys in the mid 80s so have an idea...

    my suggestion then is 'change yr job' if yr not happy
    ..
     
  15. aninnymouse

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2006
    Messages:
    3,063
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    In My Own World
    I took that to mean that she's shared her mental health diagnosis at the breakroom table.

    The thing is, as others have said, you need to look into the policy at the company you work. If this is common practice, then you need to find a way to let it go. If not, then you need to talk to someone about it, IE your supervisor, and explain the situation, and why it's making you uncomfortable.

    Also, just to be fair, there are rather specific ADA laws about accomodations, and IIRC, a certified Bipolar Disorder diagnosis is covered under ADA and they do have to make some accomodations. However, bringing one's SO to work 1-2 times out of the week is skating on thin ice, IMO.
     
  16. sassy Lisa

    sassy Lisa New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2006
    Messages:
    151
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Oregon

    I do believe you need to go to your own doctor and get a personality diagnosis for yourself. And see about a learning how structure sentences while your at it. First off depending on the person she may think she has a bipolar disorder because she has read about it but unless she has actually gotten a factual diagnosis by a proper doctor she is one of those people who love to hear herself talk and you are a sucker who doesn't have the sense god gave a door knob to go to your supervisor and complain about the person causing you problems in doing your job. Or maybe your are using her as an excuse for being lazy and not doing your job right in the first place. I rant this way because I struggle with true Bipolar Mania and guess what I don't advertise it nor do I drag someone to work with me to help me cope with the nightmare in my head. Yes I do call my husband on a regular break schedule because he is the one who can help level me out and I take medication to help me as well. But I find the people who flaunt the bipolar diagnosis are as unreal as the people who complain about them. An you sir need to get your head out of your ass and go talk to a supervisor or better yet confront her and let her know your sick of hearing about it. Yep I am a bitch and I do speak my mind and I don't really care what you think of me.
     
  17. sassy Lisa

    sassy Lisa New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2006
    Messages:
    151
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Oregon
    Which doesn't count for shit because people find shit on the internet and say that is what is wrong with them. Even when they haven actually seen a doctor. A mental diagnosis is not something you share lightly at the work place. She is looking for co working sympathy and obviously she is getting it. None of my co workers have a clue what my mental health diagnosis is and will never find out if I can help it. The last place I did work at when the co workers found out they became idiots and pissed me off. You would be amazed how many people honestly have true Bipolar disorder and nobody knows. It is a treatable disorder which if treated properly makes a person very functional and normal. People educate yourself and get out of the dark ages.
     
  18. aninnymouse

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2006
    Messages:
    3,063
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    In My Own World
    All which is fair enough.

    Yes, this woman appears to be seeking some sort of attention and sympathy. She may have Bipolar Disorder; she may have a Personality Disorder, or she may have both. Nowadays there are people who are way, way too open about these things, from medical diagnoses to mental health diagnoses to any and every personal aspect of their life. To some people, the concept of TMI is very foreign.

    It definitely sounds like she lacks proper boundaries as far as what's appropriate and what is not, which is not uncommon for someone who has Bipolar Disorder, or an number of Personality Disorders. From the picture the OP has painted, she is a bit of a "special snoflake," so to speak.

    Notice that there have been several suggestions for the OP to go to the supervisor at his job, and ask about the situation, at the very least share his concerns. If a co-worker is acting inappropriate, that's the best thing to do.....
     
  19. Jason

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    9,936
    Likes Received:
    644
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London (GB)
    This post is out of order.

    criticism of the OP's writing skills is gratuitous. This forum has support in its title - posters can expect a polite and supportive reply. There isn't enough information given for any of us to understand much about the real issues. However the OP has asked for support in a situation where a colleague he believes has BD is acting in a way which makes him uncomfortable, and there is nothing to suggest that the OP has a problem.

    You may not care what the OP or anyone else thinks of you. But you should care what you think of you. You can do better than write posts such as yours.
     
  20. D_Hairy Truman

    D_Hairy Truman New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2010
    Messages:
    182
    Likes Received:
    0
    she has told people about her being bipolar. how she takes a needle in the butt once a month to disperse medication for it and how thick the liquid is. i can go into more details about her swinging sex life if you would like ED69. i'm sure you can use some fapping material.:squintfinger:
     
Draft saved Draft deleted