Am I Stupid or What???????

[TexasTail4U2Use]

OK so here's my dilema....a longtime friend, whom I have been sexually attracted to for many years, is living at my home, again. Seems he can't stay out of prison and each time I fall for his bs and let him come stay with me. Each time it ends in a disaster.
Why do I do it? Because he pleads with me in his letters and tells me he loves me and can't wait to be with me in 'our' bed and goes into details on what he wants to do to me and have me do to him. This last go 'round with the letter wrting was for some 8 years while he was locked up.
Now he's out and we slept together for the first week he was out and had some sexual contact on three occassions. Now all of a sudden he claims to have no sex drive and needs a testosterone builder. So we went that route and still nothing. At least not with me! I suspect he is hooking up outside with someone. And he has a ton of sex sites on the web as well as sexting on the phone and stays on both late into the night.
This is the second time with this situation. Same thing the last time he was locked up. Same erotic letters for several years. And then when he's here, the no sex drive bs. He does identify as 'str8 and only claims the bi thing with me only.
Am I being used???

 

[AtomicMouse1950]

Sounds like you need to cut him loose. Being an ex-con, there are a lot programs, he can get into, that help ex-cons to adjust to life outside the prison cells.So don't worry about him.

 

[houtx48]

He is using you but you knew that.

 

[RedScrotum]

In answer to your first question....Yes!

In answer to your second question... Yes!

 

[dolfette]

dude, aim higher!
and you're not his babysitter.

 

[AlteredEgo]

You fucked him already. Consider it a conquest and move on. I agree with dolfette. Aim higher. You can find love and passion with men who are even more attractive, and who can stay out of prison. Oh, and who don't lie to you all the time.

 

[crescendo69]

I had a similar situation with a homeless straight(?) guy. I let him stay four different times for varying lengths of time, the last being three months. His drunkedness, crack use and and propensity toward getting into trouble did not make up for the sporadic sex we had or the housekeeping and cooking he did. I now live alone but with more peace of mind.

 

[Thegirlforyou]

You deserve better, this sounds like you know how this will go, and you should cut this guy off. Good luck.

 

[helgaleena]

I had an ex with a record. Deep down he didn't think he deserved me, so he screwed it up. This guy is doing the same. Believe me, the 'deep down' is farther down than anyone but him can reach--- if he even wanted to.

Kick the habit of him now. If you keep 'helping' he's going to turn on you eventually, because all too often nothing is his own fault-- nothing.

If he ever learns how to live in balance, take him back then. But don't hold your breath.

 

[nudeyorker]

I would not say you are stupid you just keep making the same mistake because you want something. I think you should set your sights higher and you will be surprised at how much easier life will become when you are able to make the best possible decisions rather than the worst. He is using you but you are continuing to allow it.

 

[catman]

Play it forward...say he does "stay"- then what happens? The (alleged) low sex drive continues... and what? he goes back to jail, then more hot sexy (manipulative?) letters spew forth and he moves back in?

What is he doing for himself? Job hunting? job training? try a list of positives vs negatives. Is he carrying his weight in the household? cooking? cleaning? does he ask about you/your needs? what are you getting out of this "relationship"? where do you see this being in 3 months, 6 months, a year? Marriage (depending on your state) Is this someone you could seriously introduce to your friends and/or family? or vice versa?

Play this out mentally- what happens next? then what?

now do the same scenario with him NOT in it. Which looks better?

if you can't be honest about both, then you already know the answer.

 

[TexasTail4U2Use]

Play it forward...say he does "stay"- then what happens? The (alleged) low sex drive continues... and what? he goes back to jail, then more hot sexy (manipulative?) letters spew forth and he moves back in?

What is he doing for himself? Job hunting? job training?
He does have a good paying job now.

try a list of positives vs negatives.
Is he carrying his weight in the household? cooking? cleaning?
He helps out some. And now is offering to pay rent.

does he ask about you/your needs? What needs are you refering to? Sexual? Then no.

what are you getting out of this "relationship"? Apparently not much if anything at all.

where do you see this being in 3 months, 6 months, a year? Marriage (depending on your state) In a perfect world? Yes

Is this someone you could seriously introduce to your friends and/or family? or vice versa? Most already know him. He was raised as a distant relative, but that turned out to be false.

Play this out mentally- what happens next? then what?

now do the same scenario with him NOT in it. Which looks better?

if you can't be honest about both, then you already know the answer.

...........................

 

[shady ace]

He is using you but you knew that.

end the cycle.

 

[dineat69]

I've been there too. As long as you let him use you he will. he needs a place to stay and he will tell you what he thinks you need to hear. if you want to know for sure tell him he needs to find somewhere else to stay because you need your space and see if there is more action in the bed room. he will do whatever it takes to keep a place to 'sleep'.

 

[slurper_la]

you need help

please seek out therapy to uncover whatever deep-rooted issues keep you locked in this pattern of abuse.

you cannot aim higher as long as you don't have higher esteem for yourself.

 

[185248]

You have an obsession and an attraction to being treated like shit. Wake up.

 

[tater_tot_man]

you can start by getting your head out of your ass. writing 'erotic' letters to one another for nearly a decade? sounds like the plot of some fucked up harlequin novel.

listen up, your little jail bird isn't going to change anytime soon. let me pop one of your other fantasies while we're at it: he's 100% straight. he doesn't dream about laying in your bed, he dreams about going out and banging the shit out of some low grade pussy. he's just using you as free housing until he gets his stupid ass locked up again, and only fucking you when he can't get any.

get his sorry ass out of your house and out of your life. people like him only seek to manipulate others for their own gain and boy has he put some work into you. once you cut him loose he'll promptly move on to the next one.

 

[kurios]

You are not stupid just suffering from clouded thinking
Time to blow the cloud away

 

[tater_tot_man]

you can start by getting your head out of your ass. writing 'erotic' letters to one another for nearly a decade? sounds like the plot of some fucked up harlequin novel.

listen up, your little jail bird isn't going to change anytime soon. let me pop one of your other fantasies while we're at it: he's 100% straight. he doesn't dream about laying in your bed, he dreams about going out and banging the shit out of some low grade pussy. he's just using you as free housing until he gets his stupid ass locked up again, and only fucking you when he can't get any.

get his sorry ass out of your house and out of your life. people like him only seek to manipulate others for their own gain and boy has he put some work into you. once you cut him loose he'll promptly move on to the next one.

 

[tlbuncut5]

buddy he is useing you big time. He knows how to push your buttons to get what he wants. Cut him loose and cut your losses....You dont need someone in your life like that...you can do better.

Your not stupid, just too nice for your own good.