I know from my side of the fence, the more I look the less likely something happens. The more I dwell on the issue of being single, the more I get depressed.
Lately I said "f-it" I'm just going to enjoy myself and lo-and-behold, some girl approached me in a club.
Like others have said, it comes at you when you least expect it.... so quit expecting it and quit looking for it.
I said, "fuck-it." For
twenty years. Twenty prime sex and good looks years. Not once during that time did anyone, male or female, express any interest in me whatsoever except my very married with two kids 40+ year old female alcoholic boss and I did NOT go anywhere near her.
If you want to find somebody don't expect them to pick you. You have to make an effort to get out there. I'm doing it now and while it's terrifying, it's ultimately better than going about life imagining there's nobody out there for me.
Yeah that means going to the gym, working on my attitude, getting some nice clothes, and actively pursuing guys I'm attracted to. I have, at the age of 42, absolutely NO idea what I'm doing. I do know that if I want to attract people of good quality, then I have to be a person of good quality too and I'm working my hardest to make myself a person I'm happy with. You really sound forlorn and it just breaks my heart to see you where I was just two years ago. I'm not good-looking, I'm not hung, I'm over 40, I make very little money, and live with my father. But I don't count myself a loser and anyone who judges me for any one of those things and rules me out of their lives is missing out on a guy who is intelligent, occasionally humorous, kind hearted, good in bed, and has a great deal of love and affection for the right man. I never would have said those words about myself if I hadn't just gotten sick of living a life of quiet resignation to eternal loneliness.
And none of that would have happened if a few people here at LPSG hadn't offered me a great deal of friendship and support despite the fact I wasn't some hung stud.
Open your eyes and listen to some of the people in your life who care about you. Then DO what they suggest. It's horrendously scary to act on advice in which you have no faith because you see that action as just another item to lay on an already big pile of failures. You may not even succeed the first time out. Or the second. Or the third. The important thing is that you try because each time you do it, your resolve to succeed gets stronger as does your faith in yourself.
You have to push your limits to continue growth and to build your self-esteem. To give-up is to tread water until the day you die and let me tell you, life gets a hell of a lot shorter with every passing year. Too much is at stake to surrender to demons of self-doubt.
The statement below, crazy as it sounds, changed my life. If I, someone teeming with doubts, fears, and self-esteem issues, can do it, then anybody can. The only thing delaying your action is whether or not you've hit bottom because you likely won't believe it until you're sick of stasis and determine you either have to take a risk or die.
earllogjam said:
Personal growth for me only happens when I extend myself beyond my boundaries of comfort - in that space of insecurity, hopelessness, suffering, and pain, and conversely - pride, ecstasy, greatness and the sublime. It only happens when you take risks, go beyond who you think you are and act against the sounding board of the world to discover your true self, what you are made of, and your limits today. It is sometimes hard to see yourself as you really are, and the world for what it truly is as the truth is always filtered through your ego.
Personal growth is well....personal. Everyone has their own goals or non-goals and thresholds of challenge to expand that comfort boundary. Thinking about it too much , as SpoiledPrincess has said, is counter productive in this growth. You just gotta do it - which is hard because you need a great deal of faith that you will be the better for it.
