Am I undate-able?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by sixlittleboi, Dec 8, 2008.

  1. sixlittleboi

    sixlittleboi Member

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    I 28 never had a real relationship. I have met guys that want to have sex with me but none that want more. At least not from where I stand. I would like to have a boyfriend but I can't seem to find anyone that wants more than just sex. Should I just give up and go straight?! I don't really go to bars cause I don't really think that's the best place to meet someone. Does anyone have any suggestions?
     
  2. wallyj84

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    Well at least you're finding people who want to fuck you. I can't even find that.

    Have you considered the possibility that you're one of those people who are meant to be alone? I realized that I was meant to alone a little while back. I know the thought is depressing at first, but you will get used to fairly quickly and accept your place in life.

    By the way, can you explain how going straight would help you? Do you think that it's easier to get a girlfriend than a boyfriend? I'm not sure if that's true, but even if it is, if you really are 100% gay pretending to be straight would not make you happy. In fact it would probably lead to even more sadness due to you denying what you really are.
     
  3. Eboomo

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    I feel your pain. I'm in the exact same boat..... I've had more offers for sex on g.c than I care to mention. Not to mention the fact that some have been from damn hot guys. But, when it comes to more than that they run like rabbits. PM me if you wanna talk sometime.
     
  4. CityGuy82

    CityGuy82 New Member

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    Hrm... I always equated sex with instant gratification. Relationships can and should be more than that, working each day for the long term and overall gratification in companionship and meaningful connection.

    Maybe take a break from having sex/1 time encounters and focus on your inner self and the "Whole" you have to offer someone for a relationship. Basically, don't use a relationship to fill a void in yourself.

    Then you would be focusing on the long term and overall enjoyment of a companion, rather than constantly giving in to the instantly gratifying sex and only getting the instantly gratifying sex.
     
  5. goddess.in.jeans

    goddess.in.jeans New Member

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    Have you tried single sites? What about speed dating? You could go to a bar, just because you meet someone at a bar doesnt mean they are all after sex.
    It will happen when you least expect it, as silly and annoying as it sounds its true. Love happens when your planning the rest of your life without it....
     
  6. sixlittleboi

    sixlittleboi Member

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    It's not like I have sex with everyone that asks. I actually haven't had sex in a while because I would like to get to know the guy first. Also I'm not depressingly lonely. I don't feel like I'm missing something in my life. I just look at my friends and almost all of them are in relationships and my closest friend, who happens to be my cousin, just had a baby and I think it would be great to be in a relationship. I just don't seem to have any luck with anyone looking for more than just sex.
     
  7. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    I understand how you feel; I didn't have my first truly long-term relationship until I was 26, and when that ended after five six or years I wondered if I'd ever have another.

    The truth of the matter is that for least common denominator folks, getting it right isn't that hard. Those of us who are complex or different or who have high standards have a far more difficult time of it. I disagree with Wally - you don't have to resign yourself to being alone if that's not what you want. You may have to take a more active role in seeking out love, though. If bars aren't your scene, try Craigslist. Your lament is not an uncommon one, and there are plenty of relationship-minded gay/bi guys (including one of my best friends, whose new boyfriend moved in after three weeks - taking a cue from the Uhaul lesbians, eh?) out there who would love to meet someone who, like themselves, is looking for more than some cheap nookie (not that's there anything wrong with that, either!)
     
  8. goodwood

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    sixlittleboi -
    i am sorry you are feeling this way. gay or straight makes no matter, i beliebe we have all felt as you do about being undatable after having an endless string of unstatisfactory relationships.
    i think that since you are gay, going straight would not change things. we straight people have the same issues.
    i don't know how to advise you on finding a good relationship. but surely when such a good thing is a deep desire it must come to you. best of luck and success.
     
  9. surferboy

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    two very important things for say about this comment. first bruddah, and most importantly, you can't just "go straight.' you should know that sexuality is not a choice. secondly, it's not any easier over here brah. i haven't been in a relationship since i dumped my girl, and that was over a year ago. the most i've done since then was gotten some REALLY bad head, but that's another story. so, at least you can still get that instant gratification of sex, yah? i can't even get that



    personally, i believe there's someone for everyone. i don't think anyone is meant for "be alone."
     
  10. sixlittleboi

    sixlittleboi Member

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    OK. I feel I should clear this up because I never thought people would take it so literal. I have no intention on going straight. It's a joke made out of frustration. I know I can't just flip a switch and suddenly enjoy vagina. Despite what some crazy religious people would have us believe. That being said, I don't think I am meant to be alone. I don't think anyone is meant to be alone. I think there are people that just haven't met who they are to be with. Either way I am still ridiculously frustrated that guys seem more intent on "hittin it" than just having a simple conversation, with me anyway. I feel like it's just me sometimes. I feel like me and a guy seem to be getting along have something in common, then nothing. Once or twice could be coincidence but at this point WTF. What makes me so non worthy of a date? Am I expecting too much?
     
  11. D_skeaflea

    D_skeaflea New Member

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    There are two types of gay guys: The ones who only want to fuck, and the clingy, die-hard romantics. From what i've noticed, there's no in-between; You're forced to pick one or the other.
     
  12. wallyj84

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    Some people just don't have the personality needed to make a relationship work. It's very uncommon, but I can vouch from personal experience that we do exist.
     
  13. wallyj84

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    You mean men only want to have sex and not a relationship? I'm shocked! :biggrin1:

    Seriously though, maybe you should try and find people through friends I'm sure you know people who know other people who are looking for boyfriends. I bet your biggest problem is just that you're looking in the wrong places. Just change the way you search for guys, and I'm sure you'll find someone who likes you for more than sex.
     
  14. D_Chocho_Lippz

    D_Chocho_Lippz Account Disabled

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    I know from my side of the fence, the more I look the less likely something happens. The more I dwell on the issue of being single, the more I get depressed.

    Lately I said "f-it" I'm just going to enjoy myself and lo-and-behold, some girl approached me in a club.

    Like others have said, it comes at you when you least expect it.... so quit expecting it and quit looking for it.
     
  15. D_Amyntas Lillydong

    D_Amyntas Lillydong Account Disabled

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    this is some depressing shit!
     
  16. HairyTXdude

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    Hey im 19, and all i want is a relationship, i've only ever been on one date all the other times i've been shot down, a couple days ago i was shot down for not being "Gay enough"..i've heard them all *sigh* and im not clingy tyvm ^_^ lol
     
  17. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    I said, "fuck-it." For twenty years. Twenty prime sex and good looks years. Not once during that time did anyone, male or female, express any interest in me whatsoever except my very married with two kids 40+ year old female alcoholic boss and I did NOT go anywhere near her.

    If you want to find somebody don't expect them to pick you. You have to make an effort to get out there. I'm doing it now and while it's terrifying, it's ultimately better than going about life imagining there's nobody out there for me.

    Yeah that means going to the gym, working on my attitude, getting some nice clothes, and actively pursuing guys I'm attracted to. I have, at the age of 42, absolutely NO idea what I'm doing. I do know that if I want to attract people of good quality, then I have to be a person of good quality too and I'm working my hardest to make myself a person I'm happy with. You really sound forlorn and it just breaks my heart to see you where I was just two years ago. I'm not good-looking, I'm not hung, I'm over 40, I make very little money, and live with my father. But I don't count myself a loser and anyone who judges me for any one of those things and rules me out of their lives is missing out on a guy who is intelligent, occasionally humorous, kind hearted, good in bed, and has a great deal of love and affection for the right man. I never would have said those words about myself if I hadn't just gotten sick of living a life of quiet resignation to eternal loneliness.

    And none of that would have happened if a few people here at LPSG hadn't offered me a great deal of friendship and support despite the fact I wasn't some hung stud.

    Open your eyes and listen to some of the people in your life who care about you. Then DO what they suggest. It's horrendously scary to act on advice in which you have no faith because you see that action as just another item to lay on an already big pile of failures. You may not even succeed the first time out. Or the second. Or the third. The important thing is that you try because each time you do it, your resolve to succeed gets stronger as does your faith in yourself.

    You have to push your limits to continue growth and to build your self-esteem. To give-up is to tread water until the day you die and let me tell you, life gets a hell of a lot shorter with every passing year. Too much is at stake to surrender to demons of self-doubt.

    The statement below, crazy as it sounds, changed my life. If I, someone teeming with doubts, fears, and self-esteem issues, can do it, then anybody can. The only thing delaying your action is whether or not you've hit bottom because you likely won't believe it until you're sick of stasis and determine you either have to take a risk or die.

     
  18. Leche por mi cafe

    Leche por mi cafe New Member

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    I truly understand what your going through. It feels as though the majority of gay men out there are afraid of relationships. To some sense, it can be true. It can be hard work for a couple to maintain a relationship. (something that I too would like to endure). I've come to the conclusion that in order to meet guys for a true long term relationship, you have to go to places that are out of your ordinary routine. 40-30 years ago, clubs were about the only place you could meet guys. Now (at least here in Austin) you can go to coffee shops, Wholes Foods, church, jogging on the hike n bike trails, or even at museums to possilby meet someone. However, in order to find the right person, you have to go through the masses to meet the one. If your not careful, having to deal with the masses, could lead you to self esteem destruction. Know when you do go through meeting these guys and saying no to them, that the picture is much more bigger than the actual moment. Your looking for a long term partner. That should out weight all of those guys that didn't fit the bill. There is a book called "The Boyfriend Within" by Brad Gooch, I suggest you read. You will find a lot of amazing info for yourself. Good luck and don't give up. There is someone out thre for everyone.
     
  19. green carnation

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    Dont know about the "clingy" part, but in general this is absolutely spot-on. Also factor into the equation that the vast majority of casual sex encounters are with somebody who is already in a relationship elsewhere!

    We have to just keep on trying and trying and praying that we dont turn too bitter:smile:

    You are not undate-able, it is more about the other people than you.
     
  20. Smallbutbig

    Smallbutbig New Member

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    it is not a shit! It is true that vast majority of men tend to act like butterflies..tasting nectar before realising too late in the gay world that they are "past it". The past it stage seems to be getting younger and younger and heavy demands are made to be an adonis type.

    Speaking a deaf person, I had my share of used and abused and riducled in clubs and etc...

    I find if you step back and act cool and have a good time, these butterflies will want what you have and they lack ....one day.....xxxxx I promise I speak from experience.

    So go out with friends and cool down in your sex life and one day..it will hit you in the face with someone so wonderful that you will have no regrets!!!
     
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