Am I undate-able?

[HairyTXdude]

I dont get it, how can you guy just say fuck it? and stop looking.....i don't think i could ever do that...

 

[Leche por mi cafe]

I have to disagree with the "Fuck it" mentality as well. If we don't recognize what we subconsciously project, we will attract the types that we are not looking for. Know for sure what it is that you want...not what you need. Needing to me, is an obsession: failure waiting to happen. Ask yourself question like, what type of guy do I want, what are my wants from this guy, what can I give to this guy, etc... Then perhaps things will become clearer and more concrete.

 

[HairyTXdude]

I have to disagree with the "Fuck it" mentality as well. If we don't recognize what we subconsciously project, we will attract the types that we are not looking for. Know for sure what it is that you want...not what you need. Needing to me, is an obsession: failure waiting to happen. Ask yourself question like, what type of guy do I want, what are my wants from this guy, what can I give to this guy, etc... Then perhaps things will become clearer and more concrete.

sounds like your talking creative visualization!

 

[VeeP]

Hey im 19, and all i want is a relationship, i've only ever been on one date all the other times i've been shot down, a couple days ago i was shot down for not being "Gay enough"..i've heard them all *sigh* and im not clingy tyvm ^_^ lol

Not sure what that means exactly, but if it's a "masculinity" thing I can assure you there are plenty of gay guys out there who roll that way. They may be a bit more elusive, but you can usually smoke them out (pun intended!). :biggrin1:

 

[HairyTXdude]

thats what a guy told me he said "No i wont go on a date with you, you arn't gay enough!"

which was odd cus i usually get "your to fem for me!"

:dot:

 

[matticus201]

I feel for you guy. It's really easy to fall into the trap of believing that you are un-loveable, but the reality is this just isn't true.

I suggest getting out of your head. Go volunteer your time at your local AIDS charity, or read to kids or something like that. You'll begin to see that love exists on all different kinds of spectrums, and you might gain some perspective on your situation. The more you worry about it, the bigger this kind of problem becomes. If you focus on continually improving yourself, I think you're always moving in the right direction.

As for meeting people, you just gotta get out there and do it. Strike up conversations in line at the grocery store, or in line at the bank, or whatever. The more outgoing and friendly you are, the more chances you'll have at meeting someone. It's not easy, but you might find that it works for you. =)

Good luck!

And you aren't un-dateable. There's no such thing. =)

 

[bayareaBloke]

I 28 never had a real relationship. I have met guys that want to have sex with me but none that want more. At least not from where I stand. I would like to have a boyfriend but I can't seem to find anyone that wants more than just sex. Should I just give up and go straight?! I don't really go to bars cause I don't really think that's the best place to meet someone. Does anyone have any suggestions?

So you said on your profile that you're 100% Gay.
Do you really think it's gonna be easy (or even Natural) to just "GIVE UP AND GO STRAIGHT??"

 

[mitchymo]

this is some depressing shit!

you think this is depressing....well i've not had sex in a decade!...now THAT is depressing, however it is for the reason that i dont want to unless i think the guy is right, plenty show their interest but it never gets off the ground, so many guys looking for fun rather than a relationship.

Then again maybe my only real relationship ending badly is clouding my judgement....my advice is just keep doing what you do and you'll be happy enough before you know it...and if your not in a relationship after a certain timescale then well the single life aint bad really

 

[SilverSoldier]

You need to be the mate you're looking for. Stop waiting for prince charming to walk in the door and become prince charming yourself.

The best news about this? You lose your victim mentality, you gain confidence, you put yourself in the other person's shoes to see how it might feel, and the positive list goes on.

Once you do that, your head will fill with all kinds of ideas about how to meet a person that could have great meaning you life. Until then, you're the victim, waiting to be found, and really, who wants to date a victim?

Clean it up. It'll make a big difference.

 

[Eboomo]

There are two types of gay guys: The ones who only want to fuck, and the clingy, die-hard romantics. From what i've noticed, there's no in-between; You're forced to pick one or the other.

In my experiences this is spot on. The "want to fuck" seems to be more and more true sadly.

 

[surferboy]

you think this is depressing....well i've not had sex in a decade!

i call shannegans! you're a hot guy. hot guys have sex. ergo, you have sex :biggrin1: which is why i haven't had sex. i'm not hot. my logic is flawless! haha

i just wanted an excuse for say ergo. but that said bruddah, ferreal? a decade?

 

[sixlittleboi]

Its cool to get a few different perspectives on my question. I will admit that I am not the most approachable person. I tend to be a little guarded. Honestly I think I shared more here than I would if I had met any of you in person. I keep to myself most of the time. I have a small group of friends that I hang out with from time to time. But mostly I like being by myself. It's kind of weird that I have started feeling like I want a romantic relationship in my life. I just wonder how a relationship would work if I am so private with my feelings and often I won't share them with anyone. That's just kind of how I am. I don't really have a reason to be so guarded. I have no childhood trauma had a great life growing up, loving family, the closest people to me know I'm gay and accept me as I am. I have nothing to be depressed about. I just think I might be missing out on what I see around me. I really wonder what I would be like in a relationship. I don't know if I want a boyfriend just to say I have a boyfriend or if I want the relationship and the things that go with it. Good, bad, and bitch from hell.

 

[Leche por mi cafe]

Sixlittleboi I the hope that all of our opinions will help you find your answers. But I'm also compelled to ask if you've also considered seeking professional help? I ask this with the utmost respect for you. Seeking advice from a professional doesn't necessary mean something is wrong with you. I truly believe it doesn't hurt anyone to get a little psychotherapy guidance every once in a while. I don't want to see you throw out every opportunity out there for yourself. All I have to say is, "The worst thing you can do is sit around and wait!"

 

[sixlittleboi]

I've never thought about looking for professional help with this particular issue. I am not so much waiting to see what happens. I'm a little worried that talking about this with a therapist will lead to a diagnosis of depression. I am far from depressed, like I said before I'm not huddled in a corner somewhere sobbing because no one loves me. I know there are people that care about me and that I care about. I don't feel like anything is missing from my life I just have never had a boyfriend and I would love to at least experience it to see what it's like or if it is even something I want.