Am i wrong for felling a little affronted???

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by neils1153, Jul 22, 2007.

  1. neils1153

    neils1153 New Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2007
    Messages:
    99
    Likes Received:
    2
    lets see where to begin... i have been in a wonderful relationship for the past 7 months with a wonderful young lady... everything has been seemingly "picture perfect", in that we never argue, and our communication is great... normaly though when things seem to be so perfect, seems a "bomb", is droped on you... last week we were sitting there on her couch and i was reading a post on an unrelated board, and someone was talking about how ther boy friend cheated on them and brought back HPV to her, thus infecting her too... i made the comment something to the extent of "my god i would freak out if someone gave me hpv"... my girl friend grew deathly quiet, for about 5 minutes... after several more minutes of persuasion she told me...

    last year during her senior year of college, she gave up her virginity to a guy she had been dating for a few months only to have found out he had been cheating on her the whole time they dated... i guess this is proof you dont have to be "slutty", to contract HPV or other STD's... shes never had warts or anything, and the only complications have been 2 abnormal paps which seem to have resolved themself... when she told me strangely enough i was more worried and concerned for her than myself... now that the dust has settled and i have come to terms with now myself being infected with HPV, in the back of my mind i feel a little slighted, and lied to... i havent told her how i feel, i guess im just really confused... is it ok to feel alebit upset, or is that being insensitive of me???

    anyone else ever have a situation like this??? i guess i just need to talk about it to nutral people... i love this girl to death,,, and ache when im not with her, but i just cant get it out of my head that she dident tell me earlier... thanks,,, Neils...

    thought i might add, the next day after finding out about this news i went to my family Dr. which i have a wonderful professional relationship with and he told me not to worry about it... im a very health concious guy, and healthy and he said most people never have any symptoms and their bodies rid itself of the virus...
     
  2. Dave NoCal

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2006
    Messages:
    1,995
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    252
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sacramento (CA, US)
    It would seem that she was less than honest about something that is pretty important.
    Dave
     
  3. arliss

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2006
    Messages:
    2,780
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York
    do you honestly feel that you can trust her? or is there the illusion of trust...? she was less than honest as someone just pointed out(Dave No Cal)...how are you going to reconcile that? and most importantly why did she sleep with him while involved with you? confront the issues.....and make sure she loves you as well...keeping your head in the sand like an ostrich and touching the issues on the surface will only lead to you being hurt even more in the future..she must be accountable for her actions....you were lucky this time...it could have been AIDS or Herpes
     
  4. SpoiledPrincess

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2006
    Messages:
    8,167
    Likes Received:
    29
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    england
    She lied by omission that's all there is to it, if she's going to lie to you about something as major as this she's hardly going to have any qualms of conscience about lying to you in regard to everyday things, sorry but I feel she betrayed your trust by not divulging something you had every right to know.
     
  5. B_big dirigible

    B_big dirigible New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2005
    Messages:
    2,739
    Likes Received:
    0
    Where do you see that in the OP?
     
  6. rstrnt

    rstrnt New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2007
    Messages:
    62
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chicago
    If I were in your shoes ... and I loved her like you say, I would try to move past it. It is not the end of the world. I do not know the statistics, but I do know an alarmingly high percentage of the population have it. I would talk to her about her "omission". Tell her that you love her, and in the future, that she can be open with you about anything. The important thing is here is looking and moving forward in your relationship.
     
  7. SpoiledPrincess

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2006
    Messages:
    8,167
    Likes Received:
    29
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    england
    I don't agree, she should have told him and if she didn't she should have made him wear a condom, if he tells her not to lie in future she'll just say she won't then blatantly lie her head off. By telling her it's ok this one time in effect he's saying 'lie to me, you know I'm going to forgive it.' Once a liar always a liar.
     
  8. arliss

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2006
    Messages:
    2,780
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York
    you are correct...and I agree with you
     
  9. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2007
    Messages:
    2,031
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California
    neils, did you ever think of having a discussion about these issues before you get sexually involved with someone? (this is not a reproach at all)

    If you broach(sp?) the general subject of STDs first, it might be easier for someone to come clean. True, they could lie, but that would REALLY be lying.

    I agree that she definitely had a responsibility to tell you, but she did not LIE in the strict sense. The question of whether she had any STDs was never posed to her by you. It's no excuse, but maybe she was just really afraid if this was the first time she had to deal with the issue in what is a fairly recent infection.

    I'm pretty sure that this girl was probably mortified, possibly even traumatized, by contracting a sexually transmitted infection with her first sexual partner.

    I would advise not judging her by this one omission. If there are other indications that she is not honest or has other character flaws, then you may want to reconsider the relationship.

    Some other advice might be to TALK with her now specifically about this issue as things stand; convey your thoughts and feelings and let her do the same. If you truly love each other, it should be possible to have this conversation, and it may help you and the relationship.

    I don't know what your sexual history is, but you may had already been infected with one strain or another of sexually related HPV. I was just reading the other day that it is estimated that 50% of the sexually active population has been infected with this virus. I think I've heard that some people contract it and never have warts.

    Just some thoughts.
     
  10. Principessa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    19,494
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Yup I agree with SP


    Wrong, I think he should move on and tell her lies is the reason for his doing so.


     
  11. Meniscus

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2007
    Messages:
    3,258
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Western Mass.
    Incomplete version of next.
     
  12. Meniscus

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2007
    Messages:
    3,258
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Western Mass.
    I agree with beeflover. Yes, she should have told you. But this doesn't mean that she's a liar that can't be trusted. It means she made a mistake.

    But simple fact of the matter is that you're going to have to figure this out for yourself. We don't know your girlfriend. You do. You are in a far better position to know if she's trustworthy or not. If you have an otherwise great relationship and this is the only problem you've had, then forgive her and move on. If, on the other hand, you notice a pattern of lies, omissions, half-truths, etc., then you may want to get out of this relationship.

    There is always the risk that if she is lying to you about other things, by the time you find out, it will be too late. But that's one of the risks we take in every relationship.

    "Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is
    everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical
    about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking
    everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you
    risk even more." --Erica Jong

    "If you are ever so lucky in this life to find that ONE person--
    that sends a chill down your spine, and yet at the same time,
    warms you from your heart to your bones every time you see them,
    hear them, or think about them; do you absolute best to make it
    work....Swim across and ocean, climb the highest mountain, cross
    a blazing hot desert, exhaust all options and pull out all
    stops. Live, love, and have no regrets." --James Spaulding
     
  13. WhiteZombie

    WhiteZombie New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2007
    Messages:
    337
    Likes Received:
    1
    My girl had an STD. She was raped about a year and a half before I met her and left with one. A treatable one, thankfully, but an STD none the less. She told me relatively early on, and certainly before we slept together.

    I can't say that it didn't change the way I viewed her. But, that's not necessarily a bad thing. It showed great honesty above all, but also reflected her trust in me and that she cared enough to share that with me.

    Honestly, dude, I wouldn't worry about it at all. Just tell her thank you for mentioning it and move on. It's the past, ya know? And some folks NEVER tell. Folks with HIV and such, even, which is an absolutely horrible thing to do. Chances are she felt a little ashamed or embarrassed and just didn't know how to bring it up, man.
     
  14. juicybt

    juicybt New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2007
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    fl
    I agree with arliss that the issue of trust needs to be fully addressed before falling any deeper in love with this girl. Right on Arliss! How can she ever be trusted on smaller issues if she lies about the big big issues. Hey dude before you fall deeper in love; Stop and take a step back, evaluate the situation more because you will fall deeper and deeper into love and won't be able to see things clearly in the future. Good luck bud!
     
  15. neils1153

    neils1153 New Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2007
    Messages:
    99
    Likes Received:
    2
    thanks for all the wonderful responces folks... i had a long talk with her today about the issue... she said she dident tell me because she was afraid i would reject her... i can kind of understand that in a way because most people arent educated about what HPV really is, and when the mere thought or notion of the word "STD", comes up they would run on a first date... she appologized, and im satisfied... i guess i just needed some nutral "love and opinions", for you guys... im exposed, and there is nothing i can do to change that... i love her, and she worships me so we will work through this... thanks for all the replies volks...
     
  16. WhiteZombie

    WhiteZombie New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2007
    Messages:
    337
    Likes Received:
    1
    word. mature decisions, bro. major props. people make mistakes, and while some would say this one is on a grander scale, it still can't stop you from loving her. Talking about it and promoting honesty is the healthiest direction you can head into.
     
  17. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    i'd ditch her!

    knowingly infecting you is assault.
    if you hadn't brought it up you'd never have known.
    not just you but every lover you might have in the future.
    hpv causes cancers.

    what a selfish bitch.
     
  18. neils1153

    neils1153 New Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2007
    Messages:
    99
    Likes Received:
    2

    being in law enforcemnt and a student of law you are right... knowingly transfering a disease is assault, an depending of the dissease can be a felony... i know of one woman that is suing an X, or him giving her herpies without telling her...
     
  19. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2007
    Messages:
    2,031
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    California
    Why is it I wonder that the women who responded to neils's post were harsher in their judgment of his girlfriend.

    If there is a solid foundation for a relationship, well, sometimes forgiveness is a part of LOVE.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted