Am I wrong if I cheat.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by MovingForward, Sep 27, 2007.

  1. MovingForward

    MovingForward Member

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    So I have been married to my partner for 5 years now. Last year he had an accident and became disabled. I still love him, and I know love should be more than physical, but we have not had sex in a long time. Today when I at work, I was over the top. Everytime I would see one of my Mail co-workers I would want to somehow touch them, whether a handshake to say hello or a pat on the back. Honestly though I just want to have my way with them. I feel like my lack of physical intimacy is driving this. I dont know if I should just go to a sex club and hopefully it will get it out of my system. Right now I just have my porn to keep me going, but sometimes I wish for more. Main question is

    Would I be wrong to find physical intimacy because my partner can not provide that for me?
     
  2. Drifterwood

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    I don't think so, and I wouldn't if I was in your partner's unfortunate position. The question for me would be, do you discuss it with him?
     
  3. rimmer9

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    I don't think he would expect you to go without sexual release. Have you discussed it together? If you are open and honest maybe there's a possibility of being able to meet guys purely for sex or even having a regular fuck buddy. Only you know how strong your relationship is and if you could remain emotionaly detached.
    I have come across 2 similar situations, one was a straight couple where the wife was in a similar position to your partner and she allowed her husband to sleep with other women and the other was with a gay couple. They went the the whole civil ceremony thing then one partner decided that although he loved the other he didn't want sex with him any more and wanted to open it up. I met the other partner and over a period of a few weeks slept together. Howvever he said his feelings for me were becoming stronger and felt it would threaten his 'marriage' if we kept on seeing each other so we stopped.
    Hope that helps.
     
  4. funnyguy

    funnyguy Active Member

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    I have seen lots of posts elsewhere looking for 1 or 2 more guys to liven up the "couples" sex life. If you talk it over, you may want to look for an extra person or 2 after you discuss it together. (Some even do interviews). But being open is the best way to go. He may even be happy to see you getting satisfaction--you won't know if you don't talk about it. If you can't discuss it, you better re-examine your relationship. I hope this helps. Good Luck!
     
  5. Industrialsize

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    discussdiscussdiscuss!!!!!! That is fi you want the relationship to continue!
     
  6. Hunt3ed

    Hunt3ed New Member

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    Firstly I think that you should discuss this openly with your partner, and don't hold the punches. Being open and honest about your fealings with your partner is the only and the best way to resolve this issue. Physical contact, intamacy , sex, are as far as I am concerned, very important for your mental and physical health. Judging by the tone of your posting I imagine that there will be heated words and tears, but once the tears dry up an understanding occures, from which you can make a plan of action. We as a species were not designed to be celebate, and we are not conditioned to be celebate. There are no rights and no wrongs as far as cheating is concerned only the fealings of those involved. So get those fealings out and talk about it first, before you mess up a whole lot more than your own fealings.

    I see nothing wrong in finding sexual gratification outside a partnership, if both partners are aware of what is going on, it adds to the partnership and to the mental and physical health of the partners. Seeing a Psychologist my help, but they will lead you as strongly as possible away from, swinging as it were, thats part of their ethics and training and code of practices.

    My experience has taught me that playing away with out your partners knowlege and consent, will destroy your relationship, one way or the other. I could write a book on it. So for your sanity, talk about it, set up your ground rules. Your partner probably has his own sexual urges, and desires, and there might be a middle ground. I don't know your exact circumstances, I'm not a psychologist, but with my experience, I feal I am a good sounding board, and if you want to talk about it, get in touch. There are also some wonderful people on this site who are closer home to you.
     
  7. huw ginnit

    huw ginnit New Member

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    You need to open dialogue between you, without that, you are only going to hurt him.

    I figure you've been through a lot supporting him through this last year. Have you had much support yourself? Have you a support worker you can sound out, or an advice service that can help you broach the subject in a way that isn't going upset things unneccessarily?

    Adapting to your new lifestyle, and the needs that it entails requires that you are both able to talk through things frankly.

    There's nothing for it but to mention this before it becomes a bigger issue.

    Good luck. I hope things work out for you, both.
     
  8. fratpack

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    Sorry to hear this about your partner. But yes if you cheated it would be wrong. You need to discuss this with him. If you don't mind my asking have you condsidered his needs and what he must be going through. You should open up to him about how you feel and find that he is probably going through the same thing (the sexual frustration).
    Best of luck to you both and always discuss things, 'cause without it everything could fall apart.
     
  9. MidwestGal

    MidwestGal Member

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    I would ask your parner first. It is better than him finding out another way. Then at least you were being respectful by talking about it. I hope he continues to recover and one day he is able to have the same type of relationship with you.
     
  10. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    If the boundaries laid out by your existing relationship include monogamy, then if you cheat, you're a cheater. Does that make you wrong? What do you think?

    Not meant to be a rhetorical question.
     
  11. RedScrotum

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    Don't forget that he hasn't had sex for as long as you haven't had sex... is there any way to have sex together before you look elsewhere?
     
  12. Osiris

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    Everybody here is right on the money. Only thing I can ad is if you feel this way, imagine what your partner must feel like? Discuss, but also try to walk a mile in your partner's shoes. I am pretty sure the agony is double for them.
     
  13. kurios

    kurios Member

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    This will go against everything said so far but if you maintain the love for your partner emotionally and physically (to the extent possible) other than actual intercourse and get laid elsewhere discreetly I would not discuss it at all.
    Sometimes what we dont know hurts less than what we do.
    As long as the 'getting laid' remains singularly physical with no emotions attached I think you are not cheating but rather doing what is needed to keep everything running as smoothly as possible under the circumstances.
     
  14. SyddyKitty

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    You're wrong if you cheat. Simple as that. If you talk with your partner beforehand and the two of you agree, then you're fine.

    "What he doesn't know won't hurt him." ... Until he finds out. Men suck at cheating.
     
  15. tim36

    tim36 Member

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    I would discuss and talk with your partner about this, and ask how he is feeling on the same issue, im sure he is acutely aware (probably even more so), of his lack of ability to be physical at this time, and is probably inwardly agonizing on the same issue. This sounds like a loving relationship, so I would just talk and discuss this with him.
     
  16. Osiris

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    Sounds good in theory, but I have known every time one of my exes cheated. When two people have been together for a length of time, you tend to become somewhat attuned to your partner's moods and emotions. I am sure the OP's partner is aware of the tension within their relationship and why. Now the OP goes out and gets laid in a clinical manner, his general mood around the house is calmer and more relaxed. It could send huge signals to his partner and that would be really hurtful to his partner as they are dealing with being sexually unsatisfied, not being able to do anything about it, and dealing with a partner they may feel they are hurting by this inadequacy.

    Again, it is sound in basic theory, but it is too risky when emotions come into the equation between the two partners.
     
  17. Eva

    Eva New Member

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    That the word "cheat" was used pretty much exhibits that you know it's wrong.
     
  18. huw ginnit

    huw ginnit New Member

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    Re-reading this thread, that was the first thing to go through my head also.
     
  19. UtahCock

    UtahCock New Member

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    Geez! I am sorry, but isnt this what masturbation is for? Sexual release!

    I mean, hey if youre partner is cool wiht you having some sort of fuck buddy, then hey youre partner is ab ig person. BUt iw oudl say you had better be damned sure he woudl be cool with considering this, because if youre not even bringing it up coudl really hurt his feelings.

    Damn, dude! Yeah we all want to connnect physically with others, but we are above our physical urges. Our capacity for rational thought gives us control to overcome our urges. So give your guy a big smooch and masturbate on your own. That is my take.

    Definitely dont do this behind his back. BUt if he is fine it, then i guess its cool in your relationship. Just remember to think ahead with the head on your shoudlers. Weigh things out rationally and calmly rather than thinking wiht your own selfish desires (and I say non-harshly, we live in our own head and so weo nly experince our own desires, it is easy to only think in those contexts. It is easy to be selfish and not even realize youre being selfish, so i dont mean at a s really harsh judgement word).
     
  20. SpoiledPrincess

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    Masturbation is as well as not instead of sex and it can't ever replace sex with someone else.

    Cheating is always wrong, you say your partner is disabled but there must be some sexual acts that he's still able to perform, sex doesn't have to be penetration, if the ones he can do aren't satisfying you you need to speak to him and tell him that emotionally and intellectually he's satisfying you (if he is) but physically you're in need of a good romp. He's probably aware you're not satisfied but any decision you come to about your sex life doesn't only affect him - as a couple what happens to one partner sexually impinges on how they relate to each other.
     
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