America Fights Against Masturbation?

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by fashion01, Apr 21, 2006.

  1. fashion01

    fashion01 New Member

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    I was browsing the web and found this site on the white house site, its filled with crap and unreasonable issues such as " Insist that your children wear boxing gloves to bed. Boxing gloves are nearly impossible to remove without assistance. If you do this you can sleep soundly, knowing that your children aren't on the other side of the wall touching their smelly little giblets in an impure fashion."

    Its ridiculous huh?

    Zero Tolerance: Just as police departments seize the cars and homes of people who are caught with drugs, Operation Infinite Purity calls for the homes and SUVs of people caught masturbating to be taken away without due process and auctioned off, with all proceeds going to augmenting similar anti-masturbation law enforcement.

    Myth: Masturbation is harmless.
    Reality: Medical science proves that chronic masturbation causes weakness, depression, forgetfulness and nearsightedness.


    Myth: There are bigger problems than masturbation, like drugs and AIDS.
    Reality: Experts estimate that there are at least 150,000 Americans masturbating RIGHT NOW! Masturbation costs American businesses at least $3.14 billion in lost productivity every month.



    So, do you guys think its true? Check out the site at http://www.whitehouse.org/initiatives/purity/
     
  2. rob_just_rob

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    That has to be a the best constructed joke site I've ever seen. It had me going until the Carter-Clinton chart with the spikes in masturbation, and the article on "clitoridectomy".

    Well done.
     
  3. hottxboi16

    hottxboi16 Member

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    Oh man LOOOOOL i almost thought it was true because I have read some articles about one woman who was in the white house who endorsed masturbation and was pressured to resign because of it....but after rid the FOR KIDS ONLY section and the quote
    "So whether you're boning some horny slut in a mall parking lot, or getting massively wasted and smacking cops around, it's not like there will be any REAL consequences or anything."

    I knew it was fake :banana:
     
  4. hottxboi16

    hottxboi16 Member

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    OMG LMFAO...i love this quote


    " So many millions of people chose to become homeless just to embarrass Ronald Reagan"
     
  5. AlteredEgo

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  6. snobbes

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    U guys sure this is a joke? 2me it sounds like good old fasion american double standard, Figth masturbation, homosexuality and porn, and give us more good entertainment such as murder, torture and ingnorance...
     
  7. PinkSteel

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    so I'm wondering what is worse for productivity in the workplace...
    1) Going to the can to toss one off and then get back to work for the day
    2) Having a half hard on all day long and thoughts about nothing else but it.

    Ohhh and the boxing gloves don't work, the smell of that leather and those big hands, it's like you've turned into an animated cartoon and I could go on and on but I'd better go beat off now.


    HA HA HA
     
  8. Dr Rock

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    who lives in the east 'neath the willow tree? Sex
    not a joke exactly; it's satire. the point is that this kinda stuff is precisely what's going through the minds of the people in the REAL white house.
     
  9. ashlar

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    Yes, the REAL white house, which is actually beneath a large strip club somewhere in California.
     
  10. B_horribleperson

    B_horribleperson New Member

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    who lives in the white house????

    a bunch of crazy nut job religious mentally sick people who will use religion to to run this country into the ground.


    if you are not part of there crazy religious sect then you are an evil bastard who is going to hell
     
  11. b.c.

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    To answer your questions about whether it's real or not you have to look way down at the bottom of the page where it says "disclaimer". Click on that, and you'll get this page: http://www.whitehouse.org/tos.asp

    which proceeds to tell u that it's all a "parody". Problem is, the actual White House and it's occupants are themselves a parody, so that in effect you have a parody or a parody. (Hmmmm...would a parody of a parody result in the truth?)
     
  12. Honey_Grrrl83

    Honey_Grrrl83 New Member

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    I grew up in a liberal household(some may call it a hippie household:tongue: )anyway,when I got the big embaressing sex talk from my parents they taught me that masturbation is a healthy,natural practice,I think it's incredibly repressive and unreasonable for people to call masturbation "self abuse" and so forth,I think it's a great way to discover and explore your body and learn what you like,I've been masturbating for 11 years:clit: My boyfriend has been doing it for 17 years:wank: It's a perfectly normal practice
     
  13. oldman9x7

    oldman9x7 New Member

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    Remembered from my youth (and that's a LONG time ago).

    Under the spreading chestnut tree
    The village idiot sat,
    Amusing himself
    By abusing himself
    And catching his fun
    In his hat.

    Don't you just love poetry?

    Gramps
     
  14. chris28

    chris28 Member

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    Upon review of the graph I knew immediately the site was a hoax. All should recall that frequency of masturbation actually went down during the Clinton administration as the popularity of oral sex shot up dramatically. Clinton was responsible for putting blowjobs on the front page of virtually every newspaper in America! You can't by publicity like that! :biggrin1: :biggrin1: :biggrin1:
     
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