Americans, fear Canada!

Calboner

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McSweeney's Internet Tendency: Reasons to Fear Canada.

Reasons to Fear Canada

by Sean Carman

  • Ninety percent of population is massed within 100 miles of northern American border.
  • Seems not to mind that one of its provinces has turned almost entirely French.
  • Excessive politeness only makes sense as cover for something truly sinister. But what?
  • Citizens seem strangely impervious to cold.
  • Decriminalization of marijuana and acceptance of gay marriage without corresponding collapse of social institutions indicate Canada may, in fact, be indestructible.
  • Has infiltrated entertainment industry with singers, actors, and comedians practically indistinguishable from their American counterparts.
  • Consistently stays just below cultural radar yet never quite disappears.
  • Parliamentary government and common-law judiciary appear to function acceptably yet remain completely inscrutable.
  • Never had a "disco phase."
  • Seemingly endless supply of timber, donuts, and Scotch-plaid hats with earflaps.
  • Keeps insisting it "has no designs on America" and "only wants peace."
  • Plays a mean game of pond hockey.
 

LaFemme

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I'm so sorry, Calboner. There was a disco phase here. I was there. I did the hustle. I hate to correct, so please accept my apologies...

Here - go here and have a coffee on me. If you roll up the rim and win? You can keep the prize.

Tim Hortons
 

maxcok

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Is that one of those words that "intellecuals" use?
You'll have to ask the noble Senor. I'm practicing tact.

disco aside, this is all true! once again mcsweeneys has my number :D the only thing canada lacks is In N Out. am i right?
If you're talking the burger joint and not the act, I have to say it's overrated.

I know, blasphemous, and I'm a Californian expat.
 

tross87

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The problem with us Canadians is that we seem to not like to reproduce. The state of California alone has a larger population than Canada lol :O
 

Papelboners58

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I love Canada and have nothing against her. I simply think people underestimate the entrepreneurial ambition of American citizens. Socially, America may be behind, but that might be contributed to its ethnic, social, and geographical diversity. Some of the greatest innovations in modern history that have profoundly impacted our world were invented in America. These may not be the greatest sources, but they can tell a simple history of innovation in America.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_United_States_inventions_(1890–1945)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_United_States_inventions_(1946–1991)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_United_States_inventions_(after_1991)

I am not claiming American supremacy, and there are a large list of faults in this country, but why the need to belittle at any opportunity? Criticism is necessary, but can we not also acknowledge the great things America has produced? The animosity is unnecessary. In this troubled time our world faces, can't these two nations get along?
 

vince

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One thing necessary for a great country, is a citizenry with a sense of humour.
 

BUSTERHYMAN

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YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM CANADA WHEN ...

1. You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.

2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

3. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.

4. You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.

5. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.

6. You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.

7. The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.

8. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

9. You find -40C a little chilly.

10. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.

11. You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelery and your Sorels.

12. You understand the Labatts Blue commercials.

13. You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada".
 

Calboner

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My favorite Canadian joke (also the only Canadian joke I know):

Why do Canadian couples like sex doggy-style? Because it lets them both watch the hockey game.
 

hud01

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I love Canada and have nothing against her. I simply think people underestimate the entrepreneurial ambition of American citizens. Socially, America may be behind, but that might be contributed to its ethnic, social, and geographical diversity. Some of the greatest innovations in modern history that have profoundly impacted our world were invented in America. These may not be the greatest sources, but they can tell a simple history of innovation in America.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_United_States_inventions_(1890–1945)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_United_States_inventions_(1946–1991)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_United_States_inventions_(after_1991)

I am not claiming American supremacy, and there are a large list of faults in this country, but why the need to belittle at any opportunity? Criticism is necessary, but can we not also acknowledge the great things America has produced? The animosity is unnecessary. In this troubled time our world faces, can't these two nations get along?
Yo Boston boy, lighten up Francis....after 3 years this is your first post. :cool:
 

LaFemme

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.....In this troubled time our world faces, can't these two nations get along?

Are we not getting along??? Damn....I've been sleeping with as many Americans as I can! There is only so much one woman can do!