An Absurd Experience

xxxgirth: I was walking across a college campus near to where I live yesterday during what appeared to be freshman orientation. As I crossed paths with a man and a girl whom I assumed to be his daughter, my crotch apparently came into his line of sight: He jumped into a defensive position between me and his daughter, glared at my mid-section, and growled angrily, "You put that *thing* away!". What am I supposed to do, put it in my backpack? I already where as loose as possible clothing to avoid situations like this. :-/

 

hawl: You could point out: "she has to learn to defend herself someday!". You could glower and ominously intone: "You win today, old man, but you won't always be around to save her". 8)

 

rikter8: You should have said, "Why Daddy...its for YOU"

 

Hey, xxxgirth: Man, is it that big, or do your testicles help to make that bulge? Also, I would like to know if you wear briefs or boxers, as they say! This is an interesting mishap, thx for sharing, xxx!

 

You might have replied,

"Julius Caesar to Brutus, Act III, Scene 1."

 

Was the girl sporting a set of big tits herself?? Maybe if she was, you could've come back with, "Hey man, im only showing the goods like her"

 

awellhungboi: Sounds like that guy has some major problems! Try not to let it get to you.

Whenever I see someone who seems perturbed by my package I always remember the immortal words of Groundskeeper Willie when the wind blew up his kilt: "Don't be afeared of wha' God has gave me!"

 

Longhornjok: I had a similar experience once when I went along with my brother as he checked out Texas A&M as a potential college. As the elevator in the Hilton in College Station hit the lobby, the doors opened, and a 40ish Mom was standing there holding the hand of her young daughter. As I stepped out, passing them, she looked me right in the eye and hissed "that's disgusting." I didn't even know what she was TALKING about, so I looked down to see if I had spilled something on my shirt, but all I saw was my package bulge in running shorts. Geez, you would've thought I was twirling it like a pocketwatch on a chain or something. :

 

My response: "I would, but it's not detachable."

 

xxxgirth: Man! Thanks for all the amusing and supportive responses! Who knows? Maybe there's a positive correlation between size and intelligence. As a woman once said when she realized I was a software developer and not a stripper (as she somehow assumed), "Wow! You have a penis AND a brain!".

Now that I've gotten over the trauma of the experience I described above, I have a more amusing "bulge" story to tell. A couple of years ago I was walking across a MacDonald's parking lot in ATL, and a black guy yelled out to me, "Hey, hey! White boy, black dick!". I don't know if this was part of Dr. Martin Luther King's dream, but at that moment I had a true feeling of interracial brotherhood.

 

I just have two words...PENIS ENVY

 

aussiechick63: What a wierd thing to happen. Don't some people think before they say stupid stuff. Imagine how much trouble you would be in if you went up to a girl with big tits and told her they were disgusting. You are born with what you have and unfortunately it isn't refundable or exchangeable.
If only it was detachable then you could just take it off and put it back on when you wanted to use it. Wouldn't that make life easier in a lot of ways?

 

[quote author=aussiechick63 link=board=meetgreet;num=1060971588;start=0#11 date=08/16/03 at 13:41:31]If only it was detachable then you could just take it off and put it back on when you wanted to use it. Wouldn't that make life easier in a lot of ways? [/quote]

Judging from how many times I've misplaced my sunglasses or car keys, I can picture myself not being able to locate my penis when the need for it arises. That would be most inconvenient.

 

sammygirly: You could get a clapper or something (not to be confused with THE clap mind you) to attach and help locate your willy if it goes missing....

 

Ring!

Ring!

"Lost and Found.  How can I help you?"

"A penis?  Would you describe it, please?"

"We have one that big, sir, but it's the wrong color."

"Sorry, sir."


Pecker

(How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You, When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?)

 

sammygirly: ~dies laughing~

 

Reminds me of that joke about the dog named "sex".... Just change it to "penis"

 

meathose10: Interesting, no , that the father - a man - is the one with the eyes scanning for big dick? I'd guess his fear has more to do with his own inadequacy than his daughter's virtue. I've heard "white boy- black dick." myself - not shouted across a parking lot. It was in a pool hall...

 

mekkler: I've never had anything as extreme happen to me, but almost. If anything similar happens, I usually will respond with an utterly blank expression and a 'Pardon me?' This requires them to be very specific which will cause them no end of embarrasment. They will just grumble and walk away. No one has ever said "Your giant penis has shocked and offended me!" Besides that, it's always possible they ARE reacting to a huge blob of barbecue sauce on my shirt. MMMMMMMmmmmm.......barbecue.

 

Hi, mekkler:

I hope you're always this humorous when answering big dick inferences! Watch out, with such amusing come backs, you might just start getting extreme remarks! Now I'm wondering your size and method of concealment.