An Apology

[db03]

But that's what it all boils down to.

(in my opinion)

 

[KinkGuy]

My imaginary friends can beat up your imaginary friends.










The voices in my head said so.



I am already sorry for this post.

 

[madame_zora]

DMW, I acknowledge well that the three major religions worship the same God, I was only admiring the tounge-in-cheek nature of the comment.

 

[naughty]

Steve and Dolf,

The two of you should take that act on the road! LOL! But seriously folks, wouldnt it be terrible if Proppie was actually serious about his post? Since everyone has totally worked this thread, I dont think you want to see hear my Jerry Springer style confession ..... LOL!

Naughty K.

 

[madame_zora]

Originally posted by naughty@Jun 11 2005, 12:06 AM
Steve and Dolf,

The two of you should take that act on the road! LOL! But seriously folks, wouldnt it be terrible if Proppie was actually serious about his post? Since everyone has totally worked this thread, I dont think you want to see hear my Jerry Springer style confession ..... LOL!

Naughty K.

[post=319617]Quoted post[/post]​

Oh, but you're so wrong, Naughty, we DO!!

 

[naughty]

OK ..but I warned you!
(Cover the childrens eyes and ears! LOL! )

S.......,

(Taking a bewildered and clueless S.......'s hand) You know I love you , right? (Sniifle, Sniffle) but I have a confession to make....I just dont want you to hate me. I dont know if I can stand it! Do you remember when you told me you saw a car that looked like mine parked in front of the Krispy Kreme donut store at 4:00 am? Well, I cant lie, it was me. I had to have my fix. Yes, I did inhale a whole box in 30 second flat. But see, that was because I couldnt live with the guilt of something else that I did.(Still holding S........'s hand) You know that strange squawking sound you have been hearing in the middle of the night all Spring?
You blamed it on your father's psychotic peacocks, well that was me too. We cant hide it any more. Your father's prize peacock and I have to declare our love. Now you may not be able to bring yourself to forgive me . But dont hate us because our love is unique and special. I know it may take some time to get used to it but we can not hide our inter species affair any longer. So I am letting you know..... (S........falls out of the chair and onto the floor in a dead faint! )


( The names have been withheld to protect the clueless)

 

[Supportive Female]

I've had this on my conscience for a long time...finally, a mea culpa thread to assuage my guilt and shame...

Abe, honey, I'm so sorry I dumped you when you were a struggling young lawyer; your future just didn't seem that promising, and I was so young, foolish, and mercenary regarding men. I had no idea you had a future in politics, and I could've helped you hold the Union together so that it wouldn't be "a house divided."

I feel most guilty about the fact that I introduced you to your future wife, that bitch-nutcase Mary Todd, who made your life profoundly miserable, without the option of divorce.

I still ache when I think of how your life ended: watching that dreck at Ford's Theater, sitting next to your psycho ball-'n-chain, watching what critics described as "the skankiest play this side of the Shenandoah River."

The only solace is the fact that you would've probably croaked off soon from Marfan's Syndrome, anyway.

Toodles (*sniffle*)

 

[Pecker]

Originally posted by naughty@Jun 10 2005, 08:26 PM
OK ..but I warned you!
(Cover the childrens eyes and ears! LOL! )

S.......,

(Taking a bewildered and clueless S.......'s hand) You know I love you , right? (Sniifle, Sniffle) but I have a confession to make....I just dont want you to hate me. I dont know if I can stand it! Do you remember when you told me you saw a car that looked like mine parked in front of the Krispy Kreme donut store at 4:00 am? Well, I cant lie, it was me. I had to have my fix. Yes, I did inhale a whole box in 30 second flat. But see, that was because I couldnt live with the guilt of something else that I did.(Still holding S........'s hand) You know that strange squawking sound you have been hearing in the middle of the night all Spring?
You blamed it on your father's psychotic peacocks, well that was me too. We cant hide it any more. Your father's prize peacock and I have to declare our love. Now you may not be able to bring yourself to forgive me . But dont hate us because our love is unique and special. I know it may take some time to get used to it but we can not hide our inter species affair any longer. So I am letting you know..... (S........falls out of the chair and onto the floor in a dead faint! )


( The names have been withheld to protect the clueless)

[post=319624]Quoted post[/post]​

Damn.

Who woulda thunk it?

A hung peacock!

 

[steve319]

(waking from a dead faint after Kim's revelation)

Danny:

I feel so much better now that we've gotten it all out in the open and said we're sorry (again).

Originally posted by dolf250+Jun 10 2005, 03:36 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(dolf250 &#064; Jun 10 2005, 03:36 AM)</div><div class='quotemain'>If memory serves it was actually “feces flinging lemur.”[/b]

Ah. I stand corrected. As you&#39;ve come to understand by now, my memory isn&#39;t that accurate when I&#39;m huffing the oven cleaner. I don&#39;t see how you handle it and stay as lucid as you do. And, while I&#39;m at it, let me reiterate that I DO totally trust you when you correct my impressions about these things. I still feel badly about all the accusations I leveled at you on that "morning after" last autumn when I woke up with the badly-stitched-up incision and one less kidney. I can&#39;t believe I blamed you for that, claiming you&#39;d sold it on the black market and all, when you so clearly remembered me removing it myself in my wigged out state.

I remember the laugh we had about it when you explained how much more flexible I am when I&#39;m stoned that I could reach around, make the incision, remove the organ, and stitch it up in a spot on my back that I can&#39;t normally even reach. Man, how crazy is that?

I remember also how kind you were to cheer me up by giving me a ride in the brand new Jeep you bought that very day. You&#39;re the best neighbor a guy could have&#33;

<!--QuoteBegin-dolf250@Jun 10 2005, 03:36 AM
You and I both know that she is a mail order bride from Singapore.  I dealt with a very reputable company and was guaranteed that she would be disease free.  I must now confess that it was I who caused her gonorrhea.  I am only sorry that she passed it on to you. [/quote]
Singapore&#33; That&#39;s right. Once again, I stand corrected. Me and my drunktalk&#33;

As for the gonorrhea, no need to apologize for that, man. You were totally right--she was a great fuck. Oh, and, um, sorry again about that whole....you know.

I&#39;m only sorry I passed it along to your sister. Hey, how is she doing these days? I hear that facility is the nicest women&#39;s prison in the state.

Hey, man, it&#39;s great to talk like this. We should get together this weekend and celebrate our reconciliation. I&#39;ll pick up a couple of movies. And maybe some of that liquid fertilizer we injected last month?

See you later,
S****

 

[steve319]

Originally posted by db03@Jun 10 2005, 02:29 PM
Who you talking about there Dee???

SHHHHH&#33;&#33; For God&#39;s sake, don&#39;t encourage him&#33;

I know we Steve&#39;s are inherently evil and all, but DAMN&#33;

 

[D_Martin van Burden]

I think I could apply for Catholicism after this confessional.

I took pity on you for leaving me a bad tip, especially after all the running around I had to do for you and all the complaining I weathered about your margaritas. (Still didn&#39;t stop you from drinking them all down, now did it?)

But I&#39;m actually kinda sorry for, after you left your cell phone carelessly in my booth, stashing it in my apron, dumping it in my car, then chucking it into the reservoir after I left work. Note well that I said "kinda sorry." Think of it as karma for being rude to a server.

 

[prepstudinsc]

LOL Dee....I would have just taken the sim card out and tossed it in the trash, then brought the phone up to the front and left it for them to pick up. Since most people don&#39;t save anything to their phone taking out the card does more harm than losing the phone. You&#39;re pure evil...I&#39;ll leave you a big tip if I ever eat in Lexington.

 

[Dr. Dilznick]

Originally posted by DoubleMeatWhopper

However, it&#39;s not really accurate, even if you feel that God is imaginary. The holy war of Muslims vs. Christians? They all worship the same God. Same with Muslims vs. Jews. Allah (Arabic for &#39;God&#39 = Elohim (Hebrew for &#39;God&#39 = the Christian God. True Muslims even refer to Christians and Jews as "people of the Book" because all three religions accept the Old Testament.

Yeah. Jews have Yahweh, Christians have Yahweh with Yahweh jr. and Yahweh lite, and Muslims have Yahweh as told to Muhammed...it&#39;s the same God. It&#39;s just the traditions that are the main division, though most of them are derived from a Judeo-Christian tradition that Jews and Christians have merely abandoned since (i.e. the covering of women).

If you want different Gods from the same origin, check the Babylonian / Persian / Egyptian / Zoroastrian tradition that the Judeo-Christian base sprouted from.

 

[dolf250]

Originally posted by steve319+Jun 11 2005, 03:14 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(steve319 &#064; Jun 11 2005, 03:14 AM)</div><div class='quotemain'> I still feel badly about all the accusations I leveled at you on that "morning after" last autumn when I woke up with the badly-stitched-up incision and one less kidney.

[post=319654]Quoted post[/post]​

[/b]

You should have seen what you looked like removing it&#33; I still maintain that you never found your kidney only because threw it to your piranha; I mean really- where would I sell it? I am glad to hear that the ride in the jeep cheered you up. Winning that instant scratch ticket was the only thing that saved me from bankruptcy. I was so glad that there was still enough left for the jeep and a case of beer.

Originally posted by steve319@Jun 11 2005, 03:14 AM
I&#39;m only sorry I passed it along to your sister. Hey, how is she doing these days? I hear that facility is the nicest women&#39;s prison in the state.

[post=319654]Quoted post[/post]​

I usually refer to it as a hospital and not prison- but I guess it could be either. It was a pity that the judge did not see the humour in what she did and sentenced her to spend time in the hospital for the criminally insane. I guess at least it was only an attempt to emulate Mrs. Bobbit. You must be relieved that she failed. She has explained that she got the idea from reading one of PETA’s pamphlets. It seems as though they dislike keeping animals captive and you had told her that "Willy," your “snake” had been with you for years. It would appear that it was at that moment that the symptoms first began to assert themselves and she decided to “free Willy.” In her more lucid moments she asks about you and wishes for me to convey her apologies for spreading the syphilis. Of course, when she is having one of her frequent “episodes” she rants about wishing that it had affected you in the same manner as her.

I am terribly sorry to hear that things with Kim ended so badly for you. Imagine; loosing to a prize peacock&#33; If you are interested I could try to arrange conjugal visits with my sister. It is a very nice prison and so long as she is not in one of her “states” I am positive that she would be receptive to the idea.
<!--QuoteBegin-steve319@Jun 11 2005, 03:14 AM
Hey, man, it&#39;s great to talk like this. We should get together this weekend and celebrate our reconciliation. I&#39;ll pick up a couple of movies. And maybe some of that liquid fertilizer we injected last month?

[post=319654]Quoted post[/post]​

[/quote]
This weekend sounds great. You bring the movies and fertilizer (I never pick up the right mixture- is it 15-30-15 or 10-30-15?) I will bring the E-Z Off cleaner and Lysol. If we celebrate at your place please lock up the lawn mower. I only have three toes left after that attempt to turn your mower into a V-8. Come to think of it, you had better lock up that other thing as well. You know- that thing… every time I am over you have tried to use it and the neighbors have to call the police.

-Danny

 

[Pecker]

Um ... is either Mr. Danny or Mr. Steve in? Yeah, I&#39;m a neighbor - three doors down?

Well, anyhow, we have a problem. My favorite kitty cat, Gruesome (you may have seen him tomming around - large, orange long-hair) - well anyway.

It seems Gruesome came home with a kidney. Now Gruesome loved kidneys. Anyhow, this particular kidney happened to be full of stones and a rather large one got caught in Gruesome&#39;s throat and he choked to death.

Little Hortense, my niece, told me that the kidney belonged to &#39;one of those funny men up the street&#39; so I&#39;ve come to see Mr. Danny or Mr. Steve for an apology.

And here&#39;s what&#39;s left of the kidney. *holds out a bloody ziplock bag*

 

[steve319]

Danny:

Why is it that every note I leave for you on Monday starts the same way?

Once again, let me say how sorry I am for my actions this past weekend. You were kind enough to welcome me into your home, yet I still managed to toss aside your graciousness and behave in a manner completely unfit for a neighbor and friend.

I am truly, genuinely sorry. I know that was no way to behave, especially with your mother visiting. I&#39;m sure that she&#39;ll be good as new when she wakes from the coma.

And as for the whole incident with the knife, I want to assure you that I really did believe your thumb would grow back. You know I always tell you that you look like a salamander when you are stoned.

Finally, I want to let you know that you were so right to tell me to lock up that thing before we started. You know....that thing. The one I brought over when I came. I have to admit that I&#39;d smoked the contents of the urn containing my mother-in-law&#39;s ashes and was pretty wasted before I came over (that bitch always did make me crazy, even when she was alive&#33 and thought it would be funny to bring it with me. I&#39;m so very, very sorry.

I know I&#39;ve said it before, but I really have learned my lesson this time. Truly. I hope that we can still be friends in spite of my terrible behavior. Sometimes I feel like you&#39;re the only one who understands me and my problems.

Attached please find the fork that you poked into my forehead Saturday night. I have washed it and tried to bend the tongs back to shape. Tell your wife that I didn&#39;t mean to leave with it and break up the set, but the blood had dried my left eye shut and I couldn&#39;t see it hanging there. I have to admit that you were right about it being pretty funny. I can still picture how my right leg would twitch every time you wiggled the fork.

Ha ha&#33; Good times.

As for your offer to set up conjugal visits with your sister, I want to thank you for thinking of me. I know it was always your hope that your sister and I would hit it off so well that I&#39;d dump the wife and kids and take care of her. But, and I say this with all due respect and affection, she&#39;s fucking crazy. I mean, yeah, she&#39;s a total freak in the sack, but, man, she&#39;s a total freak everywhere&#33; I just can&#39;t take the risk of her deciding to whip out the knife again and try to conduct her own mega-bris in the middle of the night.

Besides, after that craziness you and I got into last month with your wife&#39;s vacuum cleaner, I&#39;m still a bit sore and bruised on old Captain Cock there. I&#39;d imagine you are too. I still can&#39;t believe you went ahead and tried it anyway, even after I&#39;d screamed so.

Anyway, I want to reiterate my apology and remind you that I value our friendship more than I can say. I ask that, if you can in any way find the compassion to do so, please forgive me.

Your faithful and oh-so-repentant neighbor,
Steve

 

[steve319]

Originally posted by Pecker@Jun 13 2005, 08:14 AM
Anyhow, this particular kidney happened to be full of stones and a rather large one got caught in Gruesome&#39;s throat and he choked to death.
...

And here&#39;s what&#39;s left of the kidney. *holds out a bloody ziplock bag*

Huh&#33; Well, I guess that must have been what happened to my kidney, then&#33; Guess Danny is totally exonerated. I can&#39;t WAIT to tell the wife she&#39;s wrong about him after all&#33; She&#39;s going to feel SO stupid after going ahead and buying that rat poison and all.

I&#39;m awfully sorry about what happened to your cat. Choking on a kidney stone has to be a terrible way to go, but, well, there&#39;s a pretty fair chance that the kidney was so laden with toxins that poor Gruesome would have succumbed to a horrible, lingering death anyway. So, when you think about it, choking was a pretty merciful way to croak&#33;

Ummm.....yeah. Anyway.

I wonder how little Hortense (she&#39;s the homely kid with the freaky eye thing, right?) knew the kidney belonged to one of us? Is she the one with the telescope in her window? You got any ideas about that?

*wondering if an apology is forthcoming*

Unless this is that other kidney....

Oh, what other kidney? And how did your cat get it? See, it&#39;s a funny story...Danny and I had gotten pretty smashed last weekend and there was this peacock that has pissed me off....

 

[Pappy]

Damn, I&#39;m sorry I read this thread&#33;&#33;&#33;

Hey everybody, I&#39;m still on vacation and thought I&#39;d stop in and say hello. I spent the morning in the ER as I have developed a nasty sinus infection. They gave me a script for meds so hopefully I will feel better in a few days. Everyone take care ,
Later
Pappy

 

[madame_zora]

Aww Pappy, sorry you&#39;re feeling bad, but hope the meds help. Enjoy the rest of your stay, but hurry your ass back here, we miss you&#33;

 

[13788]

hung_big: I too hope you feel better Pap&#33; Much love headed yer way and enjoy the vacay&#33;