An Appeal

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by DaveyR, Oct 16, 2006.

  1. DaveyR

    DaveyR Retired Moderator
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    A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on
    the Richter Scale hit Essex in the early hours of Friday with its epicentre in Basildon.

    Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".

    The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.
    Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del
    Sol were damaged beyond repair.

    Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were
    woken well before their giros arrived. Essex FM reported that hundreds of
    residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to
    terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon.
    One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was
    such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom
    crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept
    through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Trisha the next morning."

    Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.

    The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny
    Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still
    searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal
    items of Elizabeth Duke jewellery from Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

    HOW CAN YOU HELP?
    This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
    unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most
    sought after - items most needed include:

    Fila or Burberry baseball caps
    Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
    Shell suits (female)
    White sport socks
    Rockport boots
    Any other items usually sold in Primark.

    Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
    Required foodstuffs include:
    Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or
    Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.
    £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.
    £5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

    **Breaking news**

    Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop.
    'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked," ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss that gotta do wiv you? [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  2. D_Sheffield Thongbynder

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    That damn gobal warming!
     
  3. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    Remind me what to find for them, sorry, I thought this was joke on hawaii.
     
  4. Rubenesque

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    That's hilarious and I will be reposting it to all of my friends who are suffering life in Essex :biggrin1:
     
  5. agnslz

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    Those poor people.
     
  6. Rubenesque

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    I'm getting a little concerned that some people might think this is a serious appeal, relax, it's not.

    Essex is a much maligned county in the UK, the residents being a constant butt of 'essex girl' and 'chav' jokes.

    I suppose you have to be from the UK to realise that the joke really is very funny.
     
  7. agnslz

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    NO! Really? I'm so stupid!:redface:

    My mom had me when she was twelve and I have a cousin named Chardonnay-Mercedes, so I guess that explains my inability to comprehend sarcastic humor!:rolleyes:

    BTW, do you hail from Essex?
     
  8. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    I hope the nail and manicure shops weren't affected.
     
  9. Rubenesque

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    Noooo I'm not from Essex, but have some family there. I wasn't implying that you thought it was real agn - but I had an email from someone apologising for being flippant if it was true lol
     
  10. Lordpendragon

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    You know how you tell the difference between Essex boys and Essex girls?

    Essex girls have a higher sperm count :eek:
     
  11. Rubenesque

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    What's the difference between an Essex girl and a washing machine? You don't have to buy the washing machine a bacardi breezer before dumping your load in it.
     
  12. Lordpendragon

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    What's the difference between an Essex girl and a supermarket trolley?

    A supemarket trolley often has a mind of its own. :smile:
     
  13. B_Stronzo

    B_Stronzo New Member

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    Tell Jane Eyre that the Master needs his "temperature took":eek: :33:
     
  14. D_alex8

    D_alex8 Member

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    Wasn't Jane Eyre that lush BBC television adaptation featuring Lorraine Chase in the lead rôle and enquiring as to the whereabouts of Luton Airport? :rolleyes:

    *watches joke bypass the entire world outside the UK* :cool: :tongue:
     
  15. B_Stronzo

    B_Stronzo New Member

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    .......the same.
     
  16. Rubenesque

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    Campari and lemonade anyone?
     
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