an impossible question...

[D_Andreas Sukov]

ok well, i have a GF. when things are good they are the best times in the world. when they are bad, they are not incredibly bad, and in no ways relationship ending, but they do far outweigh the good times (in my opinion anyway). in my mind, i startmost of these arguments, if not all. she says i dont but i think she is just being kind. the arguments are usually petty and usually me being pathetic. i have a natural fear of missing out. its why i have to be the last one asleep in a house full of friends even when im painfully tired and its why i dont commit to doing things too soon. this week she was invited to a party with her friends. i am usually invited too but this time i wasnt. the friend whose party it was an i dont get on too well. i was a bit down all week because i had alot of work deadlines and this party meant i had nothing to do all weekend because i had to stay in saturday "today" and friday, there was nothing going on. i accepted this on friday and told her to go have a good time and forget about me being alone as i probably would feel better havi8ng a good sleep and everything. then i do get invited out last thing by a friend to a local club and such and i have a good time. any normal person would be happy and then tell his GF that he had a good time and hoped she did too. so, why did i be all ahppy to her texting on the phone in the morning only to act the way i did all week wheh we spoke on msn in the evening? why did i try and make her feel bad about going out? i make petty arguments like this alot. like if a friend comes out with us and takes up alot of her attention ill make her feel bad about it. this evening it got a head and i told her if she split from me, in the mood i was in, i probably wouldnt feel bad. and i told her im not sure if i can change forever. (last time this happened, i went to being good and now ive reverted) she said she'd think.
i really dont want to kleave this girl as she pretty much saved me by going out with me because i was very depressed and things. when we are good, everyone says they are jealous and would love a relationship like we have because we are like best friends. why do i take this girl for granted? she really doesnt deserve it. my question is really, how can i change? can i stop myself being selfish?

 

[D_Jared Padalicki]

Say this first to her. It isn't bad to say those things.

 

[D_Andreas Sukov]

i have said it. she says im being harsh on myself and maybe she needs to change too because she is stubbon. but i dont think thats really the case. im seeing her 2moz so i might just hug the shit out of her and try to make her know im sorry and then just work hard and think before i act and stuff

 

[D_Jared Padalicki]

That is a better idea, say you are sorry. That you don't know why you always said that too her, probably just out of love and protection man. Try to think before you act. That will help, good luck :smile:

 

[B_New End]

You are 18... ok, that explains it. You love her too much, beyond reason. You are afraid of losing her, so you try to guilt her as a way of assuring she stays. You need to relax, but I doubt it is possible at your age. You sound quite immature, and if you were in your mid 20's, I'd think less of you for it, but since you are only 18, my only advice can be try to grow up a bit.

 

[D_Andreas Sukov]

hahah your probs more then right man. i said to her i should stop thinking as if we are a couple in like our mid 20s, living together and remember we are just kids.

 

[D_Beau Nerr]

I guess what you need guys is personal space. Relationships can become to entangled emotionally.

 

[nubstar]

You sound pretty emotional (not necessarily a bad thing).

Try to take a deep breath and if you realize you're being a jerk, just apologize and tell her it was uncalled for.

A few things I'd watch out for:

• You will have times to be legitimately upset; don't get pushed around
• You started dating under unhealthy circumstances it sounds like. You need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else.
• Take some time to analyze these thoughts before acting them out. You have the rationalization skills to realize you're being petty. If you'd waited a little bit before starting an argument with her about it, it may have solved itself.

I've been hurt in the past (most people have), so whenever I feel like jumping the gun due to jealousy or familiar circumstances, I just do my best to calm down, change the subject, and reflect on it later.

DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF

 

[horton]

i really dont want to kleave this girl as she pretty much saved me by going out with me because i was very depressed and things. when we are good, everyone says they are jealous and would love a relationship like we have because we are like best friends. why do i take this girl for granted? she really doesnt deserve it. my question is really, how can i change? can i stop myself being selfish?

Are you still feeling depressed at times? The actions and feelings you describe sometimes go along with mild deprecion. The cause may be nothing more than a simple serotonin imbalance, which is common at any age. The medical remidy for that is very simple and can make a world of difference in personal behavior. If you suspect depression talk to a doctor. There's no stigma attached to that. Again, the "cure" can be so simple that it may amaze you.

 

[D_Andreas Sukov]

cheers guys. we met today and it wa really good. we spent pretty much all of laying there and talking and we seem far better. im just going to try and be calm with her whni get jealous or annoyed. and yes, i do get down sometimes, usually for no reason what so ever, but whenever i try to label it i think im a hypachondriac