An issue to do with women

[Principessa]

Okay, maybe this will help you as an example of how I think.

When Legends of the Fall came out and for a long time after I thought Brad Pitt was good looking, I'll even go so far as to say I thought he was HOT. Then I read in a few different tabloids that stated, when he isn't shooting a movie he doesn't bathe regularly. :yuck: He literally will go for weeks without soap and water touching his skin. I found this so repugnant, I stopped thinking he was hot and he is no longer someone about whom I fantasize.

I'm not sure a man would be turned off in the same way if he knew the woman didn't bathe regularly; because it's just a fantasy.

 

[AllHazzardi]

Okay, maybe this will help you as an example of how I think.

When Legends of the Fall came out and for a long time after I thought Brad Pitt was good looking, I'll even go so far as to say I thought he was HOT. Then I read in a few different tabloids that stated, when he isn't shooting a movie he doesn't bathe regularly. :yuck: He literally will go for weeks without soap and water touching his skin. I found this so repugnant, I stopped thinking he was hot and he is no longer someone about whom I fantasize.

I'm not sure a man would be turned off in the same way if he knew the woman didn't bathe regularly; because it's just a fantasy.

This is pretty much what I'm asking for, thank you. It's not for my benefit, I get along with and understand women pretty well, I grew up with a lot of different women which fit a wide range of personalities. From my sister, who was known as Hurricane Lana because of her habit of devastating the vicinity of any negative emotional event, to my mother, who has so much generosity that she's been bitten by her generous actions many times and still doesn't change.

I often find that I run into problems not because of the way I say things, but because people expect them, because they sound concise and scientific, to be complex and scientific. In truth they are said in the language of science, that is, the language of specifics, but are in fact extremely simple. I tend to avoid long words which are of eccentric scientific dialect, or ones which require overly high knowledge to understand. I try to state things as simply as possible. The reason for this is because, given all things in their infinite variation, the simplest explanation which explains the most detail will be the most accurate one*.

If any other ladies would like to respond, just use the quoted post to give you an idea. NJ's post describes a situation and a result, that is, what existed before, and what existed after. This information is most important; when and where aren't as important as what's going on around it. If you can describe your mentality, and most importantly, your first few thoughts, it would be extremely valuable.



*A slightly more accurate translation of Ockham's Razor

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

Being quite experienced in Asperger's, i was wondering the same thing actually. This one might have fallen through the cracks of the school system...given his age.

 

[Enid]

How about I try this, one of the critical difference between men and women in situations of arousal is that men are much more visual, while women are much more imaginative. What can be said then is that men tend to see situations from an outward perspective (examining the environment), while women tend to see situations from an inward perspective (examining finer details and individuality).

So the question is intended to answer how an inward direction translates to an outward direction. I'll use this example to explain the differences.

Okay, I think I can *possibly* answer this. First off, I must explain that for 4 years I was involved in a relationship with a schizophrenic man who had a very hard time communicating (2003-2007). It was very, very good in the beginning. He was defo my best friend, a gorgeous guy too, very much an amazing collection of cells & thought processes. I made a ton of sacrifices, some of which perhaps I shouldn't have made. I know now there is appropriate sacrifice and inappropriate sacrifice. The kind of sacrifice that is appropriate might be the kind that teaches you to let go of ego attachments, to love unconditionally without personal expectations getting in the way...stuff like that. There is a fine line though. I have learned that the key to understanding the concept of sacrifice is in mythology. In all myths, appropriate sacrifices are rewarded. Inappropriate sacrifices (such as Agamemnon’s sacrifice of Iphegenia on the eve of the Trojan War) may seem to be rewarded initially, but are ultimately the downfall of the one who does the sacrificing. Appropriate sacrifice asks us to determine what is of essential value to our survival and development. “The gods” never ask us to let go of what is crucial to our growth. They do, however, ask us to let go of things which we may be too attached to, or things our ego is clinging to for security reasons. If these sacrifices are not made, our future direction can be warped or our growth comes to a halt.

So at any rate, I believed I could show him that communication did not have to be fraught with expectation or demands. I'm pretty darn independent, I don't have the idea that couples need to fuse in order to be successful. I think that the best experiences in connecting with others happen when separate and together cease to be mutually exclusive and instead become reciprocally enhancing and mutually informative. He really didn't get that, in the end. He just withdrew and withdrew particularly after the midway mark...any attempt I made at being this laid back completely cool gal just failed. I eventually came to realize that he was so afraid of rejection and admonishment and judgment that there was nothing I could do to show him I wasn't doing anything like that. I am not like that at all. It took me some time to see that he couldn't see it from my perspective. I had to see (well, ACKNOWLEDGE) what was going on in the environment which was that he was dealing with his own demons & whatnot.

In the end, he sent me this:

"I am a broken and rejected person. I always figured I was born this way. I think back to my childhood and wonder who hurt me first. Who broke my heart? I never come up with much. I am always the one who fails others. I am the one that wasn't made right. I am the one that gets to fuck up and that's how I live. One fuck up after the next.

Now I don't try at all. I have given up. I am completely hopeless. Who could ever love me like this? I say horrible things sometimes I don't mean. I have become a person that I can't stand to be around.

I do it to myself. I put myself in the path of rejection. My choices and actions only set me up to be rejected. I have just found that I reject myself more than anyone else does and it has always been that way."

I will probably end up deleting this due to its very, very personal nature. And I don't know if I really answered your question. But I tried.

 

[cougarblue]

Blah blah blah...... what does that tell you about MY response to your question, I wonder? ......


at any rate.....

I'm an "instant reaction" type of person. Taurean woman. Bad judge of character perhaps because I'm an instant judge of it. In your earlier photo example, I'd be the guy. Describe the situation. Infer nothing. You don't know anything about how the person is "feeling" from the photo. You can only describe what you see based on your personal bias.

I've been told I have a masculine outward presence, but a very very very deep feminine core. (David Deida, find me a man!!!) Having this "dichotomy" makes it a challenge for the "ordinary" man to make my raspberry swirl. I am very visually stimulated. But also extremely aural/oral stimulated.

My last lover was a self-proclaimed Asperger.

 

[AllHazzardi]

Blah blah blah...... what does that tell you about MY response to your question, I wonder? ......


at any rate.....

I'm an "instant reaction" type of person. Taurean woman. Bad judge of character perhaps because I'm an instant judge of it. In your earlier photo example, I'd be the guy. Describe the situation. Infer nothing. You don't know anything about how the person is "feeling" from the photo. You can only describe what you see based on your personal bias.

I've been told I have a masculine outward presence, but a very very very deep feminine core. (David Deida, find me a man!!!) Having this "dichotomy" makes it a challenge for the "ordinary" man to make my raspberry swirl. I am very visually stimulated. But also extremely aural/oral stimulated.

My last lover was a self-proclaimed Asperger.

Mind you that when I used a masculine and feminine name, I wasn't pigeonholing personalities. Women aren't always inward, men aren't always outward. Both directions are equally valuable, but are more valuable in combination (Whole is greater than the sum and whatnot). Every person is not strictly one or the other, they just tend towards one or the other, a scientist might be 99% inward, while an artist might be 99% outward. It's the interaction between the two that gives us our particular balance of personality, desires, and interests. While you can't infer an emotion from a photograph, you can infer an emotion of a person in a photograph based on their features (shape of eyes, shape of mouth, etc). Reading body language, so to speak. Thank you for your response cougar, every response is useful to me, and I am most gracious for them.

 

[AllHazzardi]

I will probably end up deleting this due to its very, very personal nature. And I don't know if I really answered your question. But I tried.

Well, if you do delete it, replace it with the first question that went through your head after first receiving that, and you'll have really answered the question.