An issues question

[ronin001]

I have seen Pink hard hats' but never a pink sledge hammer, Sooooooooooo yes please lets see it @EllieP

 

[ronin001]

The reason I was asking, is that I have a sort of close friend, who just realized that after manyy years of non stop bachelor life, he wants to settle down, find and hold on to Mrs Right.

He is a great guy, with few problems, more living single traits., that may bug or eventually annoy, the future Mrs Right .

Take the trash out when the can / bag is full
He eats in his bedroom, and leaves cups plates Etc till he has time to get them in the kitchen
He has a corner where he thrown his dirty clothes, once a week he puts everything in a bag and drops it off atthe laundry
He only uses paper plates and plastic forks, because his hands will melt in water if he had to wash dishes

What would be an example of a deal breaker, something a guy would do that you would have second thoughts about being engaged to; or if you were married, would just constantly piss you off.

They say love conquers all, so possible love makes everything else inconsequential

 

[Marcus44444]

Facial hair and beards !

They smell , food gets stuck in it

It feels like kissing a brillopad

Getting rimmed by a bearded guy is just torture , feels horrible !

 

[Marcus44444]

Skinny jeans too

Infact skinny jeans and beards , though very fashionable ....is a big turn off for me

 

[EllieP]

I have seen Pink hard hats' but never a pink sledge hammer, Sooooooooooo yes please lets see it @EllieP

Next time we demo something I'll have someone take a picture.

In the meantime, this is on my wishlist:

 

[AlteredEgo]

The reason I was asking, is that I have a sort of close friend, who just realized that after manyy years of non stop bachelor life, he wants to settle down, find and hold on to Mrs Right.

He is a great guy, with few problems, more living single traits., that may bug or eventually annoy, the future Mrs Right .

Take the trash out when the can / bag is full
He eats in his bedroom, and leaves cups plates Etc till he has time to get them in the kitchen
He has a corner where he thrown his dirty clothes, once a week he puts everything in a bag and drops it off atthe laundry
He only uses paper plates and plastic forks, because his hands will melt in water if he had to wash dishes

What would be an example of a deal breaker, something a guy would do that you would have second thoughts about being engaged to; or if you were married, would just constantly piss you off.

They say love conquers all, so possible love makes everything else inconsequential

I could live with all of those things, though I might sneak a hamper into his clothes corner.

Just... If you use something in my kitchen, put it back correctly. I'm really particular about where things go, and I expect anyone who co-habitates with me to make an effort to learn.

 

[328982]

Skinny jeans too

Infact skinny jeans and beards , though very fashionable ....is a big turn off for me

Yes, and men's top-knots.

“All those top-knots must be cut off!", as Mr Brocklehurst said in Jane Eyre.

 

[LaFemme]

The reason I was asking, is that I have a sort of close friend, who just realized that after manyy years of non stop bachelor life, he wants to settle down, find and hold on to Mrs Right.

He is a great guy, with few problems, more living single traits., that may bug or eventually annoy, the future Mrs Right .

Take the trash out when the can / bag is full
He eats in his bedroom, and leaves cups plates Etc till he has time to get them in the kitchen
He has a corner where he thrown his dirty clothes, once a week he puts everything in a bag and drops it off atthe laundry
He only uses paper plates and plastic forks, because his hands will melt in water if he had to wash dishes

What would be an example of a deal breaker, something a guy would do that you would have second thoughts about being engaged to; or if you were married, would just constantly piss you off.

They say love conquers all, so possible love makes everything else inconsequential

Only serious stuff. Like I said before, patronizing behaviour - it’s disrespectful and demeaning. Alcoholic behaviour, drug use, and anger issues. A lack of communication. A slob? I live with one already. Take a deep breath and put on some gloves and go in.

I prefer being with a grown up. But nobody’s perfect. At my age we all have annoying habits. Whatever. Either learn to find them adorable or leave the room. You drive the car off the lot “as is”, if you know what I mean.

I do expect growth as a person, though. A desire to learn, a curiosity about the world and about himself. That in itself is pretty rare.

 

[ronin001]

Only serious stuff. Like I said before, patronizing behaviour - it’s disrespectful and demeaning. Alcoholic behaviour, drug use, and anger issues. A lack of communication. A slob? I live with one already. Take a deep breath and put on some gloves and go in.

I prefer being with a grown up. But nobody’s perfect. At my age we all have annoying habits. Whatever. Either learn to find them adorable or leave the room. You drive the car off the lot “as is”, if you know what I mean.

I do expect growth as a person, though. A desire to learn, a curiosity about the world and about himself. That in itself is pretty rare.

Sadly, you live in Canada, you would be perfect for him

 

[ronin001]

I could live with all of those things, though I might sneak a hamper into his clothes corner.

Just... If you use something in my kitchen, put it back correctly. I'm really particular about where things go, and I expect anyone who co-habitates with me to make an effort to learn.

I hope and pray his intended, has your patience and understanding Miss A/E

 

[AlteredEgo]

I hope and pray his intended, has your patience and understanding Miss A/E

He keeps good company, so I'm sure he's a peach. Everyone swallows tiny jagged pills for someone worth keeping around.

 

[ronin001]

He keeps good company, so I'm sure he's a peach. Everyone swallows tiny jagged pills for someone worth keeping around.

Thanks A/E, I told him everything stupid I did at his age, as well as everything I wish I could have done differently, when I was walking down his present path.

But as a joke, I told him if he screws anything up, that he was not going to come and crash at my house, if she kicks him out

He should be OK.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Someone wasteful would give me second thoughts. I don't waste water, I create many times more recycling refuse than actual garbage, and I turn off things that use electricity. I sometimes take a picture inside the fridge if I can't make a decision, rather than stand there with the door open. Waste offends me. Deeply. If I see it, and talk about it, and there is no interest in reduction, this is just not my match.

I am paranoid about bills. I have worked hard to bounce back from mistakes and carelessness with credit, and I just want to stay on track. I probably wouldn't choose someone who places a low priority on fiscal responsibility. I need to be around positive influences only, in that arena especially.

Fitness. I'm a natural couch potato when I'm in love. A snuggle bug. I could sit together forever, watch anything or nothing. I keep active, but that is not natural for me. I'd rather snuggle. A homebody who doesn't want to dance, walk, lift or anything is not ideal for me. I have to work out most days a week or I'm going to get very sick and die. That's just my draw in the genetic lottery. I prefer to live with people who are a good influence in that realm as well. I like to work out by myself. But when I live with people who also work out it's encouraging and inspiring. I live with my ex. I'm building a small gym, in a spare room, which will eventually be moved to the garage when there is enough space. My ex uses the equipment more than I do, which makes me use it more. If he comes home and goes right in there, it activates my inner competitor, and I find myself taking my pre-workout supplements, knowing that by the time he hits the shower my supplements will have kicked in, and I can be warmed, stretched and ready to get mine. Likewise, on a quiet Sunday, like today, if I go in there and do some active rest like yoga, tai chi, or a ROMWOD, he'll get off his duff and join me.

I like living with people who are not picky eaters, who will eat whatever I prepare, but who have an enthusiastic appreciation for the effort I put into variety and presentation. An educated palate is appreciated too, because sometimes I have already sold what I'm making, and am looking for a second opinion at each quality control sampling.

But I'm just one person, and I'm not sure these things are deal breakers for me, more like things I hope for in a partner with whom I'm going to live.

But seriously. Do not mess up my kitchen.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Thanks A/E, I told him everything stupid I did at his age, as well as everything I wish I could have done differently, when I was walking down his present path.

But as a joke, I told him if he screws anything up, that he was not going to come and crash at my house, if she kicks him out

He should be OK.

I think most people are okay if they are serious about the commitment. Every married couple I've consulted who are decades into the relationship have told me the same thing. Something always comes up, and there are always reasons to let go. Longevity comes from holding on anyway.

 

[286798]

Telling me how to do stuff - like drive, chop onions, get somewhere, barbecue a steak. Unsolicited advice. I hate unsolicited advice. It’s so patronizing. Like, “hey, little lady, let a man show you how it’s done.”

I’ve been on this earth a good long time. If I need help or advice, I’ll ask. If I know you’re better at something, I’ll ask you to do it. There’s times I need you and times I don’t. Don’t assume I’m an orchid that barely survived until you walked in the door. (One reason I quit dating. Men my age assumed they were rescuing me!)

^^^ All of this ^^^

One of my big buttons is about driving/car stuff. I have a love-hate relationship with car shopping. I love trying new cars. I hate the patronizing tone so many car salesmen have. Nearly 20 years ago while buying my BMW 540i 6-speed, I had the cream of the crop idiot salesman for someone like me. The majority of this model that I could find locally were automatics, so I had to really search for a manual. Finally found one, and called to make sure it was still there and made an appointment to come take it for a test drive. I arrived at the dealership and said what I was looking for, and the guy said "It's a 6-speed. Do you know how to drive a stick?" (Strike 1) He was trying to impress me with stats on the car... too bad they were all wrong. "This car has 275 hp"... no, it's 282. etc. (Strike 2) He obviously wasn't picking up on any of my irritation and he did the piece de resistance error... he showed me the vanity mirror. (Strike 3)

I'm actually kind of giggling at this point because this test drive is going to be extra fun now. Showing me the vanity mirror guaran-damn-tees the salesman is going to use the "oh shit" handle during the test drive. He gives me a lame line about how the salesman has to drive it off the lot. He rides the clutch something fierce, shifts about as smoothly as Ellie using her Pink Persuader, and then forgets to depress the clutch and stalls it when he pulls over to let me drive. *face palm* We switch seats. I ask him to put his seatbelt on. I gently pull out of the parking lot, getting the feel for the car on side streets before I gently maneuver onto the empty highway, and then mash the throttle... banging through all the gears and hitting triple digits. Between 3rd & 4th gear, I hear him say "I guess you DO know how to drive a stick" as he reaches for the door handle. After a few moments, checking my mirrors to make sure no one was around, I get on the binders HARD to make sure the car brakes how I want it to, and I see him looking for something to hold on to with his left hand. I punch it again and take off down the highway. He's giving me directions to take the next exit, a long sweeping cloverleaf... which I take at about 80 mph... and that's when he grabs the handle above his head. Mission accomplished! By this point, I know the car performs how I like and I don't want to make him soil himself on the seats of a car that intend to buy. At the dealership, he remarked about my driving being, ahem, "spirited" and that he had never taken that exit as fast, even in higher performance cars. That's when I told him that was his penance for being so sexist. He just looked at me like (blink-blink) "does not compute" (blink-blink). I asked him if he regularly shows the vanity mirror to men. He said no. I told him that was exactly the point. "We all know there's a mirror above the visor. We're not buying a compact that come in a (insert MSRP) package. Please don't be so patronizing."

Unlike @LaFemme , I don't experience men acting like they're rescuing me. I've been living on my own for ~5 years in a relatively large lakefront home on a relatively large lot... maintaining my home, mowing my own grass, cutting down my own trees, taking care of my vehicles and boat, etc. I rarely NEED help, but I do have a good network of friends and neighbors who will let me borrow a truck/trailer/strong back because they know I'll help them with whatever they need, too. During the early stages of dating, it inevitably comes up that I don't pay for lawn care because I have to set aside time for it and I'm guessing that's why I don't see the White Knight Syndrome. If anything, I've experienced the opposite... guys who won't do anything at all to help me. Just because I CAN do all this shit by myself doesn't mean I wouldn't love a hand. Oh, and I hate it when a guy won't let me help him, either. Drives me batty. I want a partner. Divide and conquer.

 

[286798]

The reason I was asking, is that I have a sort of close friend, who just realized that after manyy years of non stop bachelor life, he wants to settle down, find and hold on to Mrs Right.

He is a great guy, with few problems, more living single traits., that may bug or eventually annoy, the future Mrs Right .

Take the trash out when the can / bag is full
He eats in his bedroom, and leaves cups plates Etc till he has time to get them in the kitchen
He has a corner where he thrown his dirty clothes, once a week he puts everything in a bag and drops it off atthe laundry
He only uses paper plates and plastic forks, because his hands will melt in water if he had to wash dishes

What would be an example of a deal breaker, something a guy would do that you would have second thoughts about being engaged to; or if you were married, would just constantly piss you off.

They say love conquers all, so possible love makes everything else inconsequential

None of the things you mention here would be deal breakers to me. I'm curious if he does those things because they only affect him. Like my craft room is a WRECK, but I close the door so company doesn't see it. If I have more than 1 guest for the weekend and need to clear off the daybed, I do... but otherwise, stuff is everywhere because I'm the only one who sees it. Ditto for moving the coffee cups from the nightstand if I'm having company in my bedroom. I know it's not good to have them there, but meh... it's just me and it just doesn't bother me. I could see that being the same with your friend. If his middle name really is Pigpen, that's a different matter.

Things that ARE dealbreakers to me:
Character flaws like liars, cheaters, narcissists
People who are not responsible with their money or their time
People who always take the easy way/aren't willing to have tough conversations

The only somewhat trivial thing that is a hard limit for me is people who chew with their mouth open. Not kidding. I have an unreasonably harsh response to hearing chew noises. The smacking makes me want to punch you in your face.

 

[MickeyLee]

Someone wasteful would give me second thoughts. I don't waste water, I create many times more recycling refuse than actual garbage, and I turn off things that use electricity. I sometimes take a picture inside the fridge if I can't make a decision, rather than stand there with the door open. Waste offends me. Deeply. If I see it, and talk about it, and there is no interest in reduction, this is just not my match.

This. I am some deranged beaver, the sound of water running too long makes me nuts. I actually get angry. This is a me thing, I acknowledge this.

Shane's lightswitch rant. I will always love Shane for this one scene of dialog. Only it's every gender that can't manage to turn off a damn light.
The boy drives me crazy with leaving lights on. I turn into an old man grumbling about the damn light bill and global warming.

ETA: I've only been in one relationship with a man so I can't really speak of gender-specific peeves I might have. Other than the lights thing, the boy is pretty awesome and time spent co-habiting with has been non-offensive. I don't like when he flips me upside down, slaps me on the ass while screaming Ketchup. okay, I like it a little bit.

The boy was raised right. He puts up his dishes, washes dishes when they need washing, when he eats in the bed he makes sure it's not all over the place. He does have free roaming socks but Spaz is learning him that a free-range sock is a fair game sock. He leaves them out, she eats out the toe. *shrug* He now picks up his socks.

Nothing he's ever done has put a tarnish on his awesomeness. And really, when you put it into perspective tiny idiosyncrasies are part of being with another human being. There are honest deal breakers, such as abusive or neglectful actions. Disrespecting the person or the relationship. General assery. Those are the things i care about. Everything else ya learn to live with it, or you try to find a happy medium.

 

[ronin001]

None of the things you mention here would be deal breakers to me. I'm curious if he does those things because they only affect him. Like my craft room is a WRECK, but I close the door so company doesn't see it. If I have more than 1 guest for the weekend and need to clear off the daybed, I do... but otherwise, stuff is everywhere because I'm the only one who sees it. Ditto for moving the coffee cups from the nightstand if I'm having company in my bedroom. I know it's not good to have them there, but meh... it's just me and it just doesn't bother me. I could see that being the same with your friend. If his middle name really is Pigpen, that's a different matter.

Things that ARE dealbreakers to me:
Character flaws like liars, cheaters, narcissists
People who are not responsible with their money or their time
People who always take the easy way/aren't willing to have tough conversations

The only somewhat trivial thing that is a hard limit for me is people who chew with their mouth open. Not kidding. I have an unreasonably harsh response to hearing chew noises. The smacking makes me want to punch you in your face.

He is a great guy as far as I know, unless he has a double life. He has just lived the single life , alone life a while Think of him as a guy out of college. Education, job, resources; but little too use to mom cleaning up after him . if I had to guess

 

[ronin001]

@lurker23 , I drive my 650, like a total Wuss. And yes it is an automatic, so I bow to your superiority

 

[ronin001]

I may never look at a bottle of ketchup, the same way again @MickeyLee
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