An older guy

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by _Auron_, May 19, 2008.

  1. _Auron_

    _Auron_ Member

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    This may be a long post, so get some coffee before you read.

    I met this guy on Manhunt.net the past winter, except I've not 'hooked up' with him like people normally do on that site. He lives about 5 miles from me, and what you might find rather odd is he's about twice my age. I'm about to turn 20 and he just turned 38. But I don't mind because I typically like older guys (just not in their 50's/60's, etc.. that's just gross). I'm also mistaken for a guy in his mid twenties quite often, especially at work, because I don't act like your typical young guy at all.

    Anyhow, as a discreet reference I'll call him Max. When we first met we went out to eat, second time we saw a movie and played some video games at his house, third time I went with him and his boyfriend out eat. Since then we've spent time as friends, just like any other adult friends.

    Max does massage therapy and runs his own business from selling comic/anime/video game/etc costumes on ebay, so he's at home a lot. You're probably wondering why I mentioned that he has a boyfriend, and that's part of the reason why I'm posting. Max and his boyfriend (who is 24) have been together for 3 years, and in the past year their relationship has been pretty shaky.

    About two months ago they had a big fight and would have broken up if they didn't have a long talk about it. They feel like they have too little in common, and Max often mentions how his boyfriend doesn't go out much and doesn't help out around the house at all.

    Max's business is growing and he's about to open a website, and I'm helping him out by uploading product content to his site, which he's paying me for. Max's boyfriend thinks he spends too much time with his business, and doesn't seem to support him in it at all, even though they connected because of their comics (DC/Marvel/etc) interest.

    So now to explain the issue I have. I've known Max for about 5 months now, and lately there's been a lot of sexual tension between us. He has an open relationship with his boyfriend, so if we did anything it wouldn't be a problem, but as weak as their relationship has been, if they ended up breaking up I'd feel somewhat guilty even if it had nothing to do with me and they were going to break up anyways. Often times though whenever they have a small fight, Max wants to get out of the house and goes to see a movie or something, and sometimes invites me to go with him - especially the week they almost broke up 2 months ago.

    My view on this is that if they do break up, I don't want to jump right in to get into a relationship, but I really do like Max, and the sexual tension we've had lately isn't helping. We've never done anything more than hugged, but we've talked about messing around, and have webcam'd once. We went to see Prince Caspian tonight because his boyfriend didn't want to, and after the movie we went to the bathroom and ended up showing each others' cocks in person for the first time.

    My friends know I like older guys and they have met Max, so there's no problem there, but I feel uncomfortable talking about this situation with them. Basically I just wanted to get some opinions on the matter and what you guys think of it. I'm not asking for a therapy session or anything, just some opinions - even if you call me a freak for having an interest in a guy that's twice my age :p
     
  2. B_The Greek Dude

    B_The Greek Dude New Member

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    Keep your distance for the time being; if the relationship is as shaky as you said, and the guy catches you out with his boyfriend, there's a very good chance that there WILL be jealousy and fighting. This could result in bodily harm (people go crazy when they find out they're being cheated on), or at the very least you WILL be responsible for them breaking up.

    Keep it cool until nature takes its course. If they're truly unhappy as you say, then make sure they're completely separated before you make a move; if you make a move and they wind up reconciling their differences, that would leave you high and dry with a massive hole in your heart.
     
  3. _Auron_

    _Auron_ Member

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    True. I have confirmed with his boyfriend that they have an open relationship, but it still probably wouldn't be a good idea.
     
  4. two2

    two2 New Member

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    if it was me i wouldn't want you around my boyfriend! sounds like max is looking to replace his current boyfriend with you.
     
  5. D_Relentless Original

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    I agree, stay away, sexual tension is one thing, guilt is another if you carry it.

    Without being rude Auron, maybe you are not ready for any grown up relationships,
    your comments like (guys in 50's/60s etc... thats just gross) and (even if you call me a freak for having an interest in a guy thats twice my age).

    Very strange remarks, although i am not in any of those age ranges, i respect people who are, we all get to that age at one point even you mate.
     
  6. beautifuloregon

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    It sounds like you may like him. Just ask him what he would like out of your
    friendship, sex, love and just a good friend with sex now and then.

    What do you want out of the relationship. Just be honest, it may hurt at
    first, but in the long run, it will be for the best for the both of you.

    Be carefull with your heart. He maybe just using you as a back-up.
     
  7. _Auron_

    _Auron_ Member

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    Tardis: I only said those things because I've been told I'm really weird for liking older guys. People in that age range aren't necessarily gross, but the technical age difference just wouldn't work, and the social stigma isn't that great with age gaps. Someone twice my age is about as far as I'd go, but 3x my age.. I don't know.

    beautifuloregon: Well how I see it is that Max doesn't want to lose a 3 year relationship, and wants to improve what he has, whereas I'm just a good friend for now. If he comes to me after they break up, that's fine. If not, there won't be a problem continuing to be a friend to him. I just want him to be a happy.
     
  8. two2

    two2 New Member

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    yeah but if you continue to get between them as the way you describe, and there is already relationship tension present then something is bound to happen.

    2 is a couple, 3 is too many..

    probably should let them fix their issues first before you put your dick on the table? lol
     
  9. _Auron_

    _Auron_ Member

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    Only time will tell, I guess. I do try to be careful though, because I don't want to see anyone hurt; physically, emotionally, spiritually, or otherwise.

    Anyhow, I'm going to bed as it's getting a bit late, but I appreciate your thoughts so far. I tend to be pretty analytical but sometimes I need some outside opinions.
     
  10. exwhyzee

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    I agree, sounds like Max is lining up a replacement. I would think carefully about what you both have in common with each other, aside from the thrill of sexual tension. The last thing you want is to be in the position of his boyfriend in three years, with Max finding himself bored with you and running out to a movie to flirt with a newer (younger) model whenever you have a disagreement with him.

    Caution caution caution
     
  11. F_Man

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  12. camchain

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    I typically like older guys (just not in their 50's/60's, etc.. that's just gross).

    AGEISM IS GROSS. THAT IS YOU.
     
  13. D_Relentless Original

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    Auron, not being rude to you mate, but you have a hell of a lot to learn about life, people, barriers etc, lets hope you do, here in the UK we have legislation around ageism which is excellent !!!.
     
  14. visceraltuning

    visceraltuning New Member

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    Auron,

    It sounds like this guy is experiencing typical "married" relationship issues, and you are setting yourself up to be the "other man" . . . I think you should really ask yourself if you are making yourself available to him so that you can be his new boyfriend. If that is the case then it is not a good habit to get into. Many people refer to this behavior as "stealing" or being a "home wrecker".

    BTW, most open relationships assume that sex outside the relationship is just about getting off. If you have a significant relationship with this man that you culminate in meaningful sex then his boyfriend will probably consider it cheating.

    My advice is to let the relationship end before you start fucking, which I think your instincts are telling you is right thing to do.
     
  15. _Auron_

    _Auron_ Member

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    I went to Dallas with Max today as he needed some fabrics for some costumes that are being made, and when were on the road (we're about 20 miles from Dallas) he brought up a threesome that he and his boyfriend had last week with a guy he's been talking to from Manhunt. Then we got into a bunch of sex talk, and we even talked about the obvious fact that there's a bunch of sexual tension between us, but then we ended up changing the subject. I'd still feel kinda weird if we did anything, even if they do have an open relationship. I'm not sure how couples go into agreement on that.
     
  16. jack66

    jack66 New Member

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    It seems to me Auron that you are putting yourself into a no win situation, or being put into one. If you want to keep a working friendship with Max and also want sex, go get the sex, but outside this triange, quadrangle or whatever.
     
  17. B_The Greek Dude

    B_The Greek Dude New Member

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    Jealousy still sets in when things go sour; his boyfriend is already beginning to feel that he can be easily replaced. Spending time with another guy instead of him will still upset him.

    Even if you can have sex on the down-low, there's a television show called "Cheaters," and I wouldn't chance it. lol
     
  18. dc9

    dc9
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    Auron, my dear. I have to take issue with the ageism. I am 51 and most people take me for early 30's. If you find someone, who you generally get along with and find attractive, age shouldn't be an issue. As far as your situation goes, be careful. Don't just become an easy lay. Stay platonic and see what happens.
    I dig all types of men young, old, black,white ahd all colors of the rainbow. Keep your mind open, there are a lot of great guys out there, one may be the one for you.
     
  19. Freddie53

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    I'm 57. I see your point about age. I see no problem with age if you and I want to have some sex on the side and you want it and I want it. That isn't gross.

    But, a real relationship is questionable. At 57 I most likely am older than your dad. It wouldn't be gross. It wouldn't be wrong for a 19 and 57 year old to have a very serous relationship.

    As the older person I would have a major obligation to make sure you knew what the relationship is. If you just enjoy giving blow jobs and I enjoy getting them and that is all there is to it, then age isn't a problem at all. But if either of us is expecting more, we should let the other one in on it. That is the only fair.

    Only you would know if you can have a equal one on one relationship with a guy that is older than your parents. It will depend on the guy for sure. There are some 57 year olds out there that you could really get into. There are some though that wouldn't be able to find a common level for the both of you to be equal.
     
  20. _Auron_

    _Auron_ Member

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    I have nothing against those who do find relationships with that large of an age gap, but there's almost a double generation gap in that (depending on when the parents have kids that is), and it's just not something I could see myself going for. I guess gross is a bad word to use when I refer to that, as I don't quite mean it like that. At first I felt like I was being criminalized for the specific words I said, but I did ask for your opinions.

    And honestly I think some guys who are in their 50's and 60's are actually pretty hot, but I couldn't find myself being involved with someone who's that much older than me.
     
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