So, these three friends all have a horrific accident, and somehow they all lose their penises. They go to a doctor, who tells them that he can give them replacement penises, but that they won't be the same. He gives the first guy a wooden penis. The second guy gets a metal penis, and the third gets a REALLY REALLY long penis. He tells them to come back in a month to check on how they are doing. The first guy comes in, a month later, and tells the doctor, "Doc, man, my new dick isn't working out. It gives my girlfriend splinters." The second guy tells the doctor, "Man, doc, my dick isn't right for me... My girlfriend is getting a heat rash." The third guy comes in and the doctor throws his hands up in despair, saying, "What? Does your penis make you unhappy too?" The guy smiles and says, "No, doc, not at all. It's great. In fact, you see that woman over there? Across the waiting room? I can fuck her from here!" ...Yeah. I heard that when I was like 9 years old.