(Anal) Sex and virginity

_Jack

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I was just wondering what people's thoughts were with regards to sex/anal sex.

I am a 23 years old and am technically, by society's standards, a "virgin". This is because I have never had anal sex.

However, I don't consider myself a virgin. I have had all sorts of sex with plenty of people: oral sex, mutual masturbation, frotting, anal stimulation, but have just never engaged in penetrative anal sex. One day I would probably like to try it, as both top and bottom, but right now I'm happy with my sex life and feel completely satisfied. I just feel as though society views homosexuality as synonymous with sodomy. Whereas in reality, I have met far more heterosexual couples who practice anal sex regularly than homosexual couples.

I can't help but think that the idea of sex being a necessarily penetrative act is a heteronormative construct. The very concept of the "virgin" also being a male construct used to work out someone's worth. Somehow its a bad thing to never have been penetrated by a penis, or to have never penetrated someone else with a penis. But there is so much more to sex than that.

What do you think?
 

BeercanHung

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I cannot imagine any kind of relationship without anal sex. I love equally being a "top" and a "bottom".. dependent upon my mood.. his mood.. etc. As far as the social stigmas.. to be blunt.. I don't give a damn about what outsiders may think of what I do in the bedroom.

I wish you the best in your journey ;)
 

milwjocknow

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I agree with Beercan in this one. Unless you talk about your sex life, who the hell CARES about your sex life? Keep those things to yourself. When/if people ask (which is rare), ask if they are interested in having sex with you. If they say no.... Tell them you only discuss your sex life with those you have sex WITH.
 

Russ311

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I was 30 the first time in was topped and considered I lost mine the first time I was with a guy and got head. It's different what counts as loosing ones virginity for gay guys!
 

AtomicMouse1950

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I cannot imagine any kind of relationship without anal sex. I love equally being a "top" and a "bottom".. dependent upon my mood.. his mood.. etc. As far as the social stigmas.. to be blunt.. I don't give a damn about what outsiders may think of what I do in the bedroom.

I wish you the best in your journey ;)
Do you think there is any kind of stigma, for someone who has practiced bareback sex all of his life?
 

malakos

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A virgin, quite properly, was a female who still had her hymen intact. All of the attempts since then to come up with a new meaning for it don't entirely make sense.
 

concupisys

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Do you think there is any kind of stigma, for someone who has practiced bareback sex all of his life?


yes there is, and especially if a person is doing it outside of a monogamous relationship.... but given the state of STD's and the fact that so many people aren't honest about having them, it's actually a pretty valid stigma.... i don't have sex with people who don't play safe.... period.... if i wanted my dick to mutate and fall off, i'd tie an elastic band tight from choda to base and leave it there till i had nothing but a stump between my legs....

if you're going to have casual anal sex and live to have casual anal sex again, ALWAYS protect yourself.... and if you want to continue barebacking, you'd better be as brutally honest with people about it as they will be to your rectum....
 

dylz

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i agree with your thoughts jack. for the same reason, people often insist that lesbians dont have "real" sex or question how they can even lose their virginity because there is no penis involved.
 

bigbadger

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To answer your question, I personally do not consider oral, masturbating, frotting, or anal stimulation as having sex with another person. They are forms of sexual contact, but I do not consider those full out sex. I agree with the idea and thought that true sex involves a penetrative act, whether it be straight or gay sex. But if you want to consider yourself no longer a "virgin" then more power to you.
 

InDNile

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A virgin, quite properly, was a female who still had her hymen intact. All of the attempts since then to come up with a new meaning for it don't entirely make sense.

If that is the definition you abide by, do you mean to say that men are never actually virgins?
 

InDNile

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To answer your question, I personally do not consider oral, masturbating, frotting, or anal stimulation as having sex with another person. They are forms of sexual contact, but I do not consider those full out sex. I agree with the idea and thought that true sex involves a penetrative act, whether it be straight or gay sex. But if you want to consider yourself no longer a "virgin" then more power to you.

Bingo!

I guess we Wisconsinites think alike...
 

bigbadger

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yes there is, and especially if a person is doing it outside of a monogamous relationship.... but given the state of STD's and the fact that so many people aren't honest about having them, it's actually a pretty valid stigma.... i don't have sex with people who don't play safe.... period.... if i wanted my dick to mutate and fall off, i'd tie an elastic band tight from choda to base and leave it there till i had nothing but a stump between my legs....

if you're going to have casual anal sex and live to have casual anal sex again, ALWAYS protect yourself.... and if you want to continue barebacking, you'd better be as brutally honest with people about it as they will be to your rectum....

I would say yes and no to your answer. I think as a whole the gay community is aware of the dangers and risks associated with bareback sex, but I do not know if a lot of gay men actually care about that.

I have to wonder, if there was such a huge stigma about bareback sex, then why are so many gay men practicing unsafe bareback sex? I have read numerous articles/reports stating that upwards of 50% of gay men do not use condoms when engaging in sex.

Also, if there really was such a stigma to having bareback sex, then why are so many men still getting infected with HIV. While the rate of infection has decreased since the epidemic first started 30 plus years ago, there is still an alarming number of gay men contacting the HIV virus.

Again, maybe there is a stigma, but many men simply do not care. I have heard numerous accounts of men who "don't like the feeling" of condoms so they choose to never use them.

I personally do not understand why or how so many gay men continue to have unprotected sex. Maybe if there was a bigger stigma about it then more gay men would stop engaging in bareback sex. I think publicly people may not admit they are having bareback sex, but in private they are engaging in the act. Considering it takes two to have sex, there are obviously people saying yes to unprotected sex when it is offered.
 

concupisys

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i can see where you're coming from badger, but gay sex is not exclusive to people who are 100% homosexual and actually out of the closet so there's no way to get accurate statistics.... just like there are so many other 'scenes' in the gay sex world, barebacking is one of them and ALL the scenes have stigmas associated with them.... for instance: i'm a FROT kind of guy, and i suffer the stigma of being an internalized homophobic, a prude, and have even been told that i'm not REALLY gay unless i have anal sex.... it's not as bad as the barebacking stigma, but it's stigma nonetheless....

if guys want to bareback, bug chase, slip it off sneakily or what have you: that's fine.... i just won't have sex with them.... and given the FROT stigma, a lot of barebackers probably won't go near me with a 5-9" pole either.... you win some, you lose some....
 

concupisys

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@badger: anal sex is a form of sexual intercourse.... that's basically to say that one uses an orifice on their body to fellate a penis to completion.... other activities would be considered sexual contact, but it's still sex whether intercourse takes place or not....

@malakos: i say 'especially' because if you or someone you're having sex with is not monogamous and practices bareback sex then you have no clue where they've been, what they could potentially have, and no protection against it.... if you're monogamous and barebacking, there's no real danger as long as both partners are disease-free.... the only way monogamous barebacking could pose a risk is if someone is either cheating bareback or lying/unaware about their sexual health.... and if that's the case and someone catches something, it can be considered a felony crime with a mandatory jail sentence and having to register as a sex offender.... i personally think it's easier to just wear a condom and that's that....
 

concupisys

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i'm inclined to disagree with you there A.M..... i would consider myself an anal virgin if it was something that i wanted to do but never tried.... it's redundant since i don't want it, but i've been told by more than one person that as a gay man, i will stay a total virgin unless i put a dick in my ass....

sheesh.... one would think that a sexual orientation that is so complicated to simply accept would be a lot easier to put in to practice....