...And His WIFE Shows Up!

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_cosmognosis, Jul 12, 2009.

  1. B_cosmognosis

    B_cosmognosis New Member

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    I just wanted to get some opinions on what to think about a situation that I was involved in recently...

    One of my closest friends and I hadn't hung out in a while due to work and other scheduling issues, so we made plans to hang out and do 'guy stuff' last weekend. I am the last of my friends to still be single and my buddy, whom we'll call Fred has been with his wife for about three years. They met when she was married and he was involved with the mother of one of his kids. Long story short, they fooled around on the side and eventually got married.

    So, I arrive at Fred's and learn that his wife is supposed to be going out with her female friends while Fred and I go do our guy's night out. Cool.
    After some chit chat and teasing between the two of them (his insecurity was showing through at times) we head out. Now, mind you, Fred and I are close enough that he has confided in me about some dalliances that have occured while he's been with his wife, but I don't judge. We had some pretty wild times together when we were younger and haven't missed out on anything when it comes to women, IMHO.

    There we are at the club, having drinks and talking, he's buzzed enough that he starts talking about 'hooking up' with a girl tonite...I must add at this point that this was a majorly target-rich environment and full displays of availability we going on. I've got my best wing-man by my side, and he knows from past experience that I've got his back as well. We've done this before, know the routine, should go down like clock-work. At the very least, we'll practice a little catch-and-release, and have some good memories of a great night together.

    We head downstairs and pick out a prime piece of real estate near the door to stake out, complete with a table and a view of the dance floor, restrooms and the patio. We're standing there and talking and out of nowhere his demeanor changes and he makes some off-handed comment about 'Oh yeah, I'm getting some tonight' and starts to smile and looks over my shoulder. I'm thinking he's found a target and I turn around and his wife is standing behind me, drink in hand.

    I greet her and then walk off to the restroom, confused and a little (ok, a lot) annoyed...I'm having a serious WTF moment that lasts and lasts and won't go away...I head out onto the patio to get some air and end up discussing the situation with the bartender who agrees with me that it was unusual to say the least. Fred and his wife eventually come outside to smoke and he walks up and starts talking nonsense (out of her earshot) about he's going to 'try something new tonight'; I assume he's talking out of his ass due to the alcohol and basically ignore what he's saying.

    I wander around the rest of the night, out of sorts and he spends the rest of the night with his wife, sitting outside on the patio talking to her. I go to leave when the lights come up and as I'm walking down the street to go to my car, who do I see standing outside about a block away from the club but the two of them, deep in conversation. He calls out, asking if I want to do breakfast with them and I curtly dismiss the offer and proceed to my car. She begins to walk off, and he starts calling out to her; no response.

    I get to my car, and they pull up so that he can retrieve his briefcase from my car, and they head off into the night. I say nothing besides 'Good night. You guys be careful.'

    I'm done. I can't possibly see hanging out with this cat again if the possibility exists that this shit could happen again. As far as bringing any women that I meet around them (which has often been suggested by both of them) that's NOT gonna happen. I can just see her attempting to fill my prospective mate's head full of the wrong ideas about me. Saboteur!

    For the record, there's no sexuality issues to deal with here; he and I are both lovers of the vagoo, through and through, so that's not the point or the problem. Am I out of line for thinking that this was a violation and it needs to be addressed by my buddy or do I just accept the fact that things are never going to be the same? Do you think wifey was out of line for what could be considered 'checking up' on my friend? The word stalker did cross my mind, but that may be a little much.

    One more thing... I am almost positive that I overheard her say 'Well, you asked me to come...' when we were sitting outside on the patio, so do you think he planned the whole thing, and if so why? If she had shown up ten minutes later (or earlier for that matter) she would have most likely seen my friend in a very compromising position with one of the many, many lovely young ladies at the club that night.

    :confused:

    Your comments, thoughts and opinions are most welcome; try to be constructive and please stay on topic. Thanks...
     
    #1 B_cosmognosis, Jul 12, 2009
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2009
  2. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

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    cliff notes: designated guys nite out, one guy's wife shows up later, the other guy pissed.

    I would not have been too upset about it, but I would have told him relatively quick "hey, i thought this was guys nite out!!!" and then dropped it.
     
  3. D_Polyxena Pasties

    D_Polyxena Pasties New Member

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    Was it planned/on purpose? That's kinda crappy. I wouldn't show up while my husband was out with the boys.... but I don't think his friends would be that upset at the same time. So I'm guessing you're sad cause he didn't cheat & went home with his wife?
     
  4. Shandforthe Shroomstick

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    Obviously not too many wrong ideas. You were going to let her husband cheat on her. And no I don't think she was out of line in this situation. If he was about to go cheat on her, as he had in the past, than she showed up at the right time. I know as guys we stick together and blah blah blah, but you're just aiding in the marital problems. I think a real friend would tell him to stop drinking and go home to his wife. That way he doesn't end up doing something he'll regret, lose his wife, maybe half of everything he owns, and have to pay for a nasty divorce~. So yeah, that's my 2 cents.
     
  5. Countryguy63

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    I agree with jerkingoffnow, and am a bit surprised that more didn't express disagreement with supporting his friend cheating, instead of mad that his wife showed up.

    Yes, if it was designated a "guys night out", and his wife knew that, then technically, she shouldn't have shown up. But under the circumstances....
     
  6. B_cosmognosis

    B_cosmognosis New Member

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    I think that you are unfairly painting me as an enabler...did you see the part about 'catch-and-release'? I was out to have some fun with my buddy and I thought that the party crashing was a little out-of-line, to sum things up. There was no 'right time' for her to show up, as there was nothing inappropriate going on.

    I do respect your opinion, however and you are entitled to it. Thanks for posting.
     
  7. Countryguy63

    Verified Gold Member

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    Sorry Dude, but you forgot to leave in some other major points, like "At the very least," before the catch and release.
    jerkingoffnow just read it as it was written.
     
  8. Tommy56

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    This is a murking scenario. What was the idea? I've read your post twice and it seems to me your 'friend' was attempting to stage something between you and his wife and it went south very quickly. South, and out of his control. It sounds awkward and a little embarrassing. I think I would back away from this until some kind of explanation is forthcoming. If he had asked her to show up, that seems to prove the 'set up'. Weird.
     
  9. B_cosmognosis

    B_cosmognosis New Member

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    Thats an interesting viewpoint and some very constructive advice, Tommy...Hadn't thought of it that way. Thanks for the input. It was a 'weird' night, indeed.
     
  10. danimal32

    danimal32 Member

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    Let a few days pass, call him up, tell him you want to get together with him and just say, "talk to me about the other night." If you've been friends for a while, give him the benefit of the doubt and simply give him the chance to tell you the truth.
     
  11. Tom12x9

    Tom12x9 New Member

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    Way too much drama. Be his friend, just out for your guy's nite solo or with someone else until this couple decides to be str8 up with their agendas.
     
  12. B_cosmognosis

    B_cosmognosis New Member

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    Excellent suggestions, Tom & danimal...I usually do my night's out solo, but my buddy Fred has been the one bugging me for some time to do guy stuff lately because of my full schedule and then this happens...

    I'm no chauvinist that thinks that his woman should be kept in her place, it just seems like they have some communication issues or maybe there's a lack of trust with one or both of them.
     
  13. Shandforthe Shroomstick

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    I dont know...sorry if it came off in a mean way or anything. The way I read it, it just seemed like you two were both there to score and nothing was being done to stop him from doing something he could eventually come to regret. I understand her dropping in and ruining YOUR night, which totally sucks...but it ended up keeping him out of trouble. So unfortunately, kind of a win-lose scenario. Personally, I'd hate to be in a position where my friend could possibly have his life thrown upside down and I could've done something to stop it.

    But yeah, on the whole as YOUR night was concerned. She def ruined it and in that aspect, she should've stayed home as it was a night for the guys. I just can't help but bring my mind back to the previous statements lol, sorry!
     
  14. Phil Ayesho

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    I think you're being a whiney bitch.

    What the fuck part of wingman don't you understand?
    If it looked like he was gonna hook up with some stranger you would have stepped graciously aside... but because its his wife you get your feelbads all bruised?

    Do you have any idea what it's like to be married? to have to try and keep the excitement going in a relationship?
    Or was this hissy fit related to the fact that without your bud there was no way you were gonna score solo?

    Sorry... friendship between guys means that you understand and support your buddy when he needs to make nice with a woman in his life.

    The last thing I need from my male friends is the kind of invidious pout-fest that we get more than enough of from the women in our lives.

    I suggest you grow a real pair and show some fucking compassion.
     
  15. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    I'm a bit confused. I honestly don't know how I'd feel if I had a married friend on the make and he wanted me to be wing-man for him. As I was reading the post, I thought that your guys night out was a bit of a cover to recreate this situation. You say that you weren't doing anything wrong. Okay, so the dude's dick wasn't parked in the snatch, but it looked like things were heading that way, maybe?

    The bud has some explaining to do, though. I treat guy's night out as just that: no girlfriends included. Even in a relationship, you still have to split your time between everybody and sometimes it's just all about your mates. I originally thought you were pissed because your plans to get laid (with the assistance of a wing-man) had been spoiled. But now, I wonder when your friend said that he found somebody, that he considered maybe you doing a threesome with him and his wife?

    Your post generates more questions than answers at this point for me, so maybe you should do some clarification of your own.
     
  16. BobLeeSwagger

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    Agreed. Whatever issues they have between them, you don't want to be in the middle of it. Tell them that it's between them and you don't want to be involved in anything where one is keeping something from the other.
     
  17. B_cosmognosis

    B_cosmognosis New Member

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    I think it's lovely the way you come here and speak rudely to someone you barely know about a situation that you don't completely understand, insulting them and offering not a damned thing constructive to the commentary...Your post is pointless and unappreciated, so please refrain from any further input on the matter.

    And God help your wife if she's married to someone like you.
     
  18. Phil Ayesho

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    Sorry pal... you asked what people thought.
    I am a people. That's what I thought.

    When you go soliciting feedback on the scenario you are responsible for portraying, you run the risk that not everyone is going to want to pat your hand in sympathy.

    I read your story 3 times, trying to figure out just where you got off getting all mopey over the outcome.

    Sorry... you failed to illustrate how you had been wronged, given that the entire idea was that one or both of you would be going off with a lady if things worked out right...

    When you are out with your wingman cruising for girls, and only one of you gets the green light... the other guy discretely fades and he doesn't act all abandoned over it...
    it was the game plan.

    Now- to your credit, that is what you did.... you faded graciously...
    But now you are acting all righteous and indignant like that wasn't potentially in the card from the start...
    and why? Because the chick was his wife?!


    Excuse me... but you felt fine tacitly endorsing him when you thought he would be committing an infidelity...

    That makes my wife pretty lucky she's with a man like me, who doesn't cruise for other women, and doesn't hang with guys like you.

    You want to save that friendship?
    Knock that chip of bullshit off your shoulder and act like you weren't in the least bit bothered... and keep acting that way until you believe it.


    Nothing personal.... I don't know anything about you at all... I am merely evaluating the story you told...
    Ethically... you got not ground on which to stand.
     
  19. B_cosmognosis

    B_cosmognosis New Member

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    My request was for constructive replies, and you, sir, were name-calling and berating me when you do not know me. That is what I took offense to. As far as my situation is concerned, the idea is that I found it odd that his wife showed up when it was supposed to be a guy's night out, not because some sort of 'wingman code' got violated (where are we, high school?)...My friend was the one to suggest the night out, his treat and we are practically 'brothers' not just casual friends. My notion on the whole matter is that his wife doesn't trust him or me when we're together for some reason. I am not offended, per se, I just found it curious and thought that I would solicit some other people's viewpoints. You're vitirolic tirade against me was pointless and immature. I have NEVER endorsed or been complicit in any way to his infidelity to his wife, nor would I encourage it. He made those decisions on his own without my influence.
     
  20. lickme69

    lickme69 New Member

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    I agree. I believe he was trying to set up something with his wife that included you. He did come out and say to you on the patio that he was going to do something different tonight. He tried to get you to go with them at the end of the night.
    Not sure if you are into that, but sounds like he asked her to come there to meet you guys possibly for that purpose.
     
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