Moderators--move this to a better category if need be. So what has been happening? I had random sex with no condoms used, I got drunk, Ray tossed me out, more sex, more booze, some drugs which I had never used before (this hash is sort of nice), I had a major blackout and lost my leg (the prosthetic one), my son Jimmy came and got me and brought me to his place, I escaped, got drunk, had more unprotected sex (I can do it now that Ray is safe from me), and so it continued and then I straightened up a little and have been staying with my son and his family. Then I screwed up again. I disappeared for a few days and I got drunk at least on a few of them and used some drugs, (I will never use cocaine again, I hated it), more random sex, a lot of oral on unknown men, a scuffle with 4 toughs in March who I could have sworn were gay--they weren't, but a few kindly folks passing by held them off of me and the cops then carted me away--where's the justice? I still had on my undershorts and my socks--even on my spare leg. Well, Jimmy has probably had enough although he won't say it and I got an envelope yesterday from Ray which came certified mail and a brief note and synapsis of what the sale of our place came down to. He was looking to unload it fast and I can't say I blame him since he needs to distance himself from me. There was a nice check and I figure it's enough to get out of the way for Jimmy. Maybe even get a small trailer or some other low cost place. The check also included the sale of my old Buick Skylark from the early '60s. I have lost driving priveleges and told Ray to get rid of it although it is shredding my insides. So, I figure I should go now. But where? Jimmy may not want me to leave but I have to get out for the sake of his kids. They deserve a decent life and Grampa coming home drunk and spacey is not a good place for them. Within a few weeks I may stop the drinking again, it's not too bad right now, and I have a level of control although I am developing a sex addiction--then again I've always had that. Now however I am going the dangerous way and eschewing any protection. I refuse to be bothered with a condom, it is just un-natural (please put that on my gravestone). Here too, I may see things differently in a few more days or weeks, who knows. Other than that I am actually happy. I have found a level of peace, the booze soothes me, and the sex reminds me that I am still able to make other men happy and they can make me happy as well--where's the down side to that? As to Ray, I did him wrong and there's no going back on that. He had warned me years ago, but I wouldn't listen. Maybe it wasn't really love after all.