Anger = Caring?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by goodwood, Feb 2, 2008.

  1. goodwood

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    So a follow up on an ex question. I spoke this week with a friend of my most recent ex. I ended up with most of the friends post break up. They seldom hear from hear from her but pass along what little they know of her life now.
    I explained that she won't quit texting/e-mailing/calling and expressed how PISSED OFF that made me. I have neither the time nor the inclination to even know that she exists.
    Friend said "But you are angry. That must mean you still care.".
    WHAT?!
    I can only wonder what therapist this friend heard that from. Being pissed off that I am being contacted against my wishes to me (call me crazy) in no way means that I care for the woman. What say you?
     
  2. Not_Punny

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    Well, what do YOU think? Why are you angry? (Sorry... couldn't resist the woo woo metaphysical crystal meditating la la la approach!)
     
  3. goodwood

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    Milfy -
    Angry because I said "I never want to hear from you in any lifetime under any circumstance.". Period. And yet here she is yammering away. She does not listen very well to proper direction. I find it very disrespectful.
     
  4. salinger

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    So you block her. Or ignore it. If it makes you mad, that generally implies stronger feelings, and strong feelings however they manifest themselves are still strong feelings.
     
  5. Not_Punny

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    I getcha, but anger is often layered. The upset with the disrespectful, continuing-to-contact-you behavior would be a MINOR upset if there wasn't a deeper source of anger.

    Or at least that's what my books say!

    In any case, the dude is wrong. You don't have to "care" to be angry with someone.
     
  6. Principessa

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    8) You make her sound like a small child or tempermental terrier.

    Exactly!

    The opposite of love is not hate it is indifference. You are still at the hate/caring phase.:redface:
     
  7. goodwood

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    Per post #5 and layered: only appropriate when in the north east and well dressed in layers.
    Per post #6 and small child/terrier: pretty close. immature and high strung.
     
  8. Principessa

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    We need to find you a real woman! :cool:
     
  9. B_cigarbabe

    B_cigarbabe New Member

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    Whoever said that being angry, means you care,
    is way off base.
    Being angry simply means,you don't want to be bothered by this sick woman anymore. Why is that so hard to interpret?
    cigarbabe:saevil:
     
  10. Not_Punny

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    LMAO!!
     
  11. goodwood

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    Thank you Cigarbabe!
    Hotmilf - well dressed in layers is the only way to be in the chilly weather. J.Crew, L.L. Bean, Armani and the minions of fashion that seek to protect the unwittingly unaware man about town - we depend on them - AND on the beautiful personal shoppers that tell us what to wear/buy. lol. (and then remove the layers one - by - one - by one .............)
     
  12. Jovial

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    Yeah, I think you still have strong feelings. When you stop caring you become callous. Then the messages won't bother you anymore. I don't think you've reach this stage. Good luck with it.
     
  13. headbang8

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    Hey, Goodwood. Here's how I see it.

    Intimacy is, at least in part, about safety. When you're intimate with someone, you open yourself up, let your guard down, let them know you warts and all, because you feel safe with them. And in the return, you get the rewards of intimacy--support and love.

    OK, for whatever reason, you don't want to be intimate any more. Amongst other things, you don't feel emotionally safe with her any more.

    What does an animal do when someone threatens its safety? It gets mad. You lash out. You get angry.

    It doesn't mean you still love her. It means you don't think she's safe to be around, yet. This anger is your body and mind reminding you to keep yourself safe.

    WE often get angry at those whom we once loved, because they have the greatest potential to hurt us.
     
  14. B_Bette

    B_Bette New Member

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    That anger is different from the other anger. Being stalked and harrassed will make a person angry if and only if they don't want to be involved with that person. That's why it's called harrassment!

    The other is when you feel anger in relation to someone even though you're not still "in it." That's valid, but not the same as what you're feeling.
     
  15. DC_DEEP

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    I was going to comment, but found another post that would make my point just a little better...

    Strong feelings, yes, but that does NOT mean he cares.

    If some stranger began to follow you around, and poke you with a stick, everywhere you went, you would quickly develop "strong feelings" toward that person, but it certainly does not mean you cared about them.
     
  16. TheRob

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    anger vs annoyance
    if he did not care about her he would be annoyd that she still contacted him but he'd ignore it
    you don't get angry when you don't care you get annoyed
    to be angry you want control, control implies care
    not necessarily like her but like her enough to care one way or the other

    at least I hope that's the way it is, I piss women off fairly regularly so I'm quite popular in that logic
     
  17. D_Coyne Toss

    D_Coyne Toss New Member

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    If I think about my ex I still feel queasy: and only because I can't believe I have been so moron to date such an idiot for over one year.
     
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