Anorgasmia

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by bamstroker, Jul 23, 2009.

  1. bamstroker

    bamstroker New Member

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    Any women her deal with this problem? It is very frustrating and I was wondering if anyone has learned to overcome it. My wife of 13 years has the most difficult time reaching Orgasm and when she does it is from intense clitoral stimulation during oral or using a vibe. She has never had an orgasm from intercourse with me or anyone else. She always tells me that sex is good but it seems like there is always something missing at the end. What advice can you give me?
     
  2. Rubenesque

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    I didn't have my first orgasm until I was 25, and so far have never had an orgasm when there is someone else in the room.

    Given that I can orgasm, I suspect that the problem is purely psychological and that I don't relax enough when with a partner due to my own insecurities.

    Shame really, but I still enjoy sex even if I don't have an orgasm.
     
  3. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    My orgasms and sex are usually independent of one another. If i had to choose between masturbation and orgasm or sex, i'd pick sex everytime. The intimacy with the other person far exceeds some pleasure from an orgasm by myself. Plus it is extremely physically pleasurable to be penetrated, especially with a man attached to it....
     
  4. dolfette

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    i've never been able to orgasm with anyone else in the room.
    *shrug*
     
  5. dongalong

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    I had sex with a girl suffering from anorgasmia, the same techniques that had previous lovers gasping for air from too many orgasms completely failed with her.

    I think that it must be psychological because these women usually do get some sort of pleasure from sex. Orgasms are triggered by stimulation of the nerve endings concentrated in the erogenous zones, if a woman had no nerve endings or there was something stopping the signals from being processed by the brain, such as an illness, medication or hormonal problem then it would be a physical problem.

    In the past I was anorgasmic from blowjobs, to overcome this, the first thing that I corrected was my lover's technique but the thing that controlled whether I had an orgasm or not was the thoughts going through my mind. Closing my eyes and concentrating on things that really turned me on, whether it be my own sexual experiences or stuff I saw in porn would make me come everytime if the technique was good enough.

    This kind of approach might work for women too.
     
  6. StraightCock4Her

    StraightCock4Her New Member

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    You women all amaze me. If I didn't orgasm when I have sex I wouldn't have sex. Lol, what a waste of time it is to sit back and take a cock and not cum. That's just how I see it.
     
  7. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

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    That's a male point of view StraightCock. Click on the attachment to see a schematic of what's under the hood, (double entendre intended). There is more than meets the eye.
     

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  8. Kayden96

    Kayden96 New Member

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    Does getting drunk help?

    I got high with a girl once and we started to have sex. She started orgasming almost as soon as I slid in and didn't stop the whole time. It was like fucking a paint mixer.
     
  9. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    I know its very difficult to understand how one could enjoy sex without an orgasm. But i have plenty of orgasms, in fact, as many in one setting as most men could orgasm in a month. They arent all that special. I can't duplicate the feeling of a real cock inside me, the warm of the skin, its softness, his smell, the depth. When i masturbate i typically dont even touch my vagina, its only clitoral stimulation. We have all sorts of nooks and crannies full of pleasure sensory in the pelvic region. Just because we arent coming to fruition from penetration doesnt mean multiple places arent being stimulated. It's the experience as a whole that makes it all so wonderfully incredible. An orgasm is just a cherry on top if you have a good lover.

    Anyone can orgasm. It's not all that special, especially when you have so many of them back to back the way we do. Atleast thats my view on it.
     
  10. bamstroker

    bamstroker New Member

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    I want to thank everyone for their input on the subject. I know it must be frustrating for the women that this effects but I know fro a mans perspective, its very difficult to just accept that a woman is ok with this. My wife always tells me it feels really good but after trying everything, at the end of the day it makesyou feel like you just aren't getting the job done right. Is it something I need to quit stressing over? It has made me question myself and my sexual prowess if you know what I mean.
     
  11. dongalong

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    You say that you've tried everything but you might have overlooked some details:

    She might be a squirter who finds the "need to pee" sensation uncomfortable when you stimulate her g-spot so the holds her orgasms back. Is she educated about female ejaculation?

    Rock hard erections apply more pressure to the trigger points, do you always stay extra hard?

    Diet can effect orgasms and sensitivity, especially alcohol. Food that improves bloodflow will help fill her and your "bits" full of blood. Have you tried aphrodisiacs?

    Vigel Sex Gel for Women - topical sex gel L-arginine for orgasms! How about trying this orgasm gel

    Choose sex positions that "hit" the g-spot and epicenter - pressure on these areas triggers orgasms. Have you tried wedging your glans into the epicenter and applying pressure with short but powerful thrusts without dislodging the glans?

    The clitoris and AFE zone, react to friction so try positions that that rub these areas.

    Women are more orgasmic during ovulation, so make most effort during those few days.

    There are other things that could be effecting her hormones, she could have very low testoserone levels, do some research and maybe blood tests.

    I think that you should just keep focusing on the 4 orgasm trigger spots during sex and lower your expectations, she might end up surprising you.
     
  12. dolfette

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    if she says she's ok then ignore the porn and the online braggers.
    it's HER opinion that counts, not the opinion of some random internet tossers.
    she says it's good for her. it's good for her.
    that you care this much, that you talk openly about it, says great things about you and your relationship.

    she says it's good!
     
  13. Rubenesque

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    I completely understand the frustration that you guys feel... I'd feel like a failure if the guy I was with failed to orgasm no matter what I tried.

    But you have to remember that not every woman cums, simple as that. It's not your fault! It could be a psychological thing, she lacks confidence to let go - try telling her how much you adore her, adore her body, the taste and smell of her etc.
     
  14. dolfette

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    i feel the need to add this...

    i don't orgasm during sex. i'm fine with this.
    but a lot of men can't accept this.
    and the constant, obsessive attempts at making me orgasm actually ruin the sex. they strip sex of all enjoyment.
    it doesn't take long for me to develop a seething resentment and dump them...nobody wants a lover who just won't listen.

    sex, for me, should be about mutual enjoyment.
    sex, for me, should not be entirely about his ego.
     
  15. bamstroker

    bamstroker New Member

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    Dolfette great post. Everything you are saying is exactly right. I care for her so much that I feel like she is missing that closure at the end of a great sex session. You also pointed out how I am startin to act. She has told me on several occasions to just enjoy it as she does. I might be creating a problem that's just no there for her. I can give her orgasms with my tongue and hands although it takes some work, I don't mind, and a vibrator can finish the job in less than 5 minutes, that's why I feel like I'm failing in the intercourse dept. Does she just require that intense clitoral stimulation? Thanks everyone for your input.
     
  16. SR_Blarney_Frank

    SR_Blarney_Frank New Member

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    Do you even listen to yourself? Imagine you're dating a guy and no matter what you try in the bedroom he stays limp but insists that it's ok and really it's fine. And as you experiment to try different things to get him hard he gets mad at you because you just don't listen and kicks your ass to the curb.

    I'm sure you'd understand.
     
  17. SR_Blarney_Frank

    SR_Blarney_Frank New Member

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    Dude, rest assured it is not just your problem but one you work out as a couple. In the same way you are seeking to understand her feelings and needs she should be doing the same.

    I had one partner who had to use her hand while we were having intercourse in order to orgasm. She made it clear that this has always been the case, don't get offended, etc. It doesn't mean I didn't at times feel like I could be the one to "figure her out" so to speak. This isn't some macho "ego" thing but rather a desire to feel as though you can please the person you married.

    End of the day you two will have to work out whatever works. Steer clear of the resentment or temptation to believe one person has inherently more obligation than the other. She needs to soothe your concerns just as much as you need to be considerate of her needs.
     
  18. B_Mademoiselle Rouge

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    She's not anorgasmic if shes able to have orgasms other ways. Anorgasmia is the inability to have orgasms. It can be a very real problem. I had out of control blood pressure and still have trouble orgasming if i havent had my blood pressure medication recently. But i still dont have conventional orgasms from sex, no matter what we do. I'm not missing out in my mind. Because i have them other ways.
     
  19. Not_Punny

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    This is apples to oranges.

    A man being limp is NOT the equivalent of a woman not-orgasming from a guy's efforts.

    I'm not sure what would be a REALITIC comparison to your scenario ("... he stays limp but insists that it's ok..."), but perhaps this is more accurate: a girl not wanting any sex but insisting that it's OK.
     
  20. Not_Punny

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    It's a tough scenario. I can orgasm with intercourse (depending on the guy) and almost always with oral or manual stimulation...

    But it's sometimes not worth the focus that I have to put on it. To me, sex with a partner should be fun. Not just all about the O.

    I have an agreement with my main squeeze: I promise to orgasm AT LEAST every third time we have sex. This keeps his ego in one piece.
     
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