Another one bites the dust

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by BuffMusicIdol, Jul 14, 2005.

  1. BuffMusicIdol

    BuffMusicIdol New Member

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    Well, folks, about 3 months ago I wrote a nice little "goodbye" in meet and greet that didn't last long. I still kept lurking and couldn't resist posting, even just once in a while. Since then I've gotten more blatant and bold about my situation at home. My wife decided that lpsg was not good for me. "Too much gay influence." So, to honor her, and show my love for her, I told her I would stay away from here. But I snuck (sneaked?) back because I miss you guys. (Don't give me shit about that last sentence, please. I really am a softie about a lot of you, and admire many of you.)

    I have been married 13 months to a former model. She truly is drop dead gorgeous, and we are in our late 40s, and are grandparents. No one, and I do mean NO ONE can believe it. It's like this big "NO WAY! You are WAY too young for that!" and so it goes. It's a nice ego boost, but believe me reality sets in fast. My wife is erotic and thinks I have the body of Adonis. (I don't. But it's not bad, I guess, but I'm a little disgusted with my lack of eating right and working out lately.) I was sure she was the love of my life. She is beautiful, artistic, charismatic, incredible on camera, and has done local TV work.

    She also has a long list of autoimmune diseases. We have been in ER 15 times in one year. Four extended hospital stays. She has a son who is a drunk and lives at home. There are other kid problems. My ex kicked my two kids out of her house, and Mrs. Beautiful (my wife) won't hardly allow them in the door. We are maxed financially with astronomical medical bills.

    So Monday I pulled the plug for the second time. It feels awful to be doing this a second time, but I have to say, I'm celebrating with friends that such a HUGE ton of stress has been lifted from me. Now of course her kids and family are mortified that I have been so evil and I have been banned from my home, and am living with friends. I think I can handle it.

    On top of this, I made a trip out of state to see my dad, who is dying. I kissed him goodbye Sunday afternoon, drove home, argued with Mrs. Beautiful till the wee hours, and announced I am divorcing her on Monday at our counseling session. So I'm kinda waiting to hear when my dad's funeral is and am filling out divorce papers.

    My two kids are excited that we can be a family again, and are looking forward to living with me for a few months.

    Look, folks, I'm not really looking for sympathy or advice or anything. But I do feel a kinship to many of you here, and I feel like you are friends, and this is something I would want to tell you if I saw you.

    I also wanted you to know I'm back without the fear of being "found out." This is a great place with some really amazing people, some total losers, a few wierdos, and the other etceteras. I don't know where I fit in, but I don't really care, either. I think most of you have some very wonderful things to offer all of us, and I'm glad I get to be a part of it, if only reading bits and pieces.

    So I am in high drama, and am at last LEVEL! My bipolar swings have minimized because my relief and stress have been so greatly reduced. I made my announcement while I was completely level, and even the counselor saw how level I was while my wife ranted about me being nuts again.

    I'm doing FINE. Life is getting BETTER.

    I may even be tempted to post some pics after a while, when things calm down. That should disappoint most of you since I chose such a cocky screen name!!!

    Smiles to all.
    Thanks friends.
    Dan
     
  2. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    I wish you the best of luck, Dan. Something tells me that you and your kids are going to make it through okay, and that, regretfully, your to-be ex-wife can't be part of and accept that well-deserved happiness.
     
  3. madame_zora

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    Dan, I'm sorry to hear that your life is in chaos, but then again it seems that a lot of the chaos is clearing. I hope things turn out as you wish.

    I think a lot of us look at this place as a source of comfort and comraderie, I'm glad you feel welcome enough to share this personal aspect of your life here. You certainly have my condolences on the loss of your father, I know how hard that is to go through. I hope having your kids back with you will be a gratifying experience for all of you, families that support each other are the greatest gift the world has to offer.

    Not nitpicking on you, but you spent a lot of space in this post talking about your wife's beauty, I hope that was not your reason for thinking she was your "soulmate", there are far more important things to a marriage relationship, like compatibility. I think having similar life goals, expectations, communication styles, sexual appetites and the like make for the best relationships, looks come and go. If you're trying to be with one person for a long time, placing a strong emphasis on appearance might not yeild the results you are after. If I have misread this or read too much into it, please accept my apology.
     
  4. Pappy

    Pappy Member

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    I wish you all the best and from my point of view, you're doing the right thing. I could never be involved with anyone that would not accept my kids and allow them to visit or move in if necessary. Sorry to hear about your Dad, I know you will miss him terribly. Hopefull this will be a new beginning for you and your kids.
     
  5. txquis

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    All the best to you, Dan.
    Sounds like you are at another crossroads.
    I understand that, most everyone does.
    My thoughts are with you, man.
    Stay strong.
     
  6. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    Dan definitely wish you the best...I commend you on putting your happiness and especially you kids happiness ahead of your marriage...Take from a product of divorce who has a father who treated his new wife kids better than his own...You have made a very brave step because you sound like you were putting more into the marriage than your wife...And also commend you that you aren't really bad mouthing her which shows how much you really cared for her and love her...I think it is very selfish of how she is treating you because you need some support yourself now especially w/you dad situation which I am truly sorry for...I have two friends who went to 2 divorces and said they should be bitter and not get love a 3rd chance but both have found wonderful and loving people in their lives and one is now married and truly happy on his 3rd marriage and they are expecting their first child together (he had none from his previous marriages but she had one from hers) and the 2nd guy says he is going to propose by the end of the year on his 3rd and they just purchased a house together...Take care of yourself and you kids - they will remember that always...
     
  7. blackwood

    blackwood New Member

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    ----------------------------

    Say Dan
    Very sorry about your Dad and family /marrige problems, though it sounds like you have taken charge of the matter, and apparently are doing a heck of a job.

    When all falls into place, ya'all will be "OK".

    blackwood
     
  8. dfox7.3x5

    dfox7.3x5 New Member

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    Dan, it sounds as if you made the right decision. Good for you, and let us know how things are going, OK? There's lots of support here, as you know.
     
  9. BuffMusicIdol

    BuffMusicIdol New Member

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    Jana, you're right. I reread my post. When we met it was completely surreal. I never thought I would find love at first sight, but it kinda was. I know I have a lot of baggage and issues, with bipolar and all, but she did pull some stuff that finally clinched the deal. SHE threw her beauty around with comments to jab me. ("Out of ALL the men who constantly pursued me, I CHOSE YOU."--Like I was an Average Joe on "The Batchelor" Series. Whatever!) HOWEVER, we ALL have faults, and she is a fabulous person and I will always love her, but I am THROUGH pining after her and wanting her. Just not there. We were sex machines all right, but after all the trauma, hurt, etc, I can't even get a hard on over her. Sheis in complete denial that she added to any of our problems, and I was the fall guy, accepting blame for nearly everything, especially the bipolar, which was NEVER a big deal till I married her, but was the focus of all our woes. NOT ANY MORE.

    You guys are all fab and sightful. Many thanks.

    I talked to her twice today, and she's happy as a lark. I told her how pleased I was that she is finally feeling well. "I seem to feel far less stressed when you're not around," she commented.

    "I absolutely concur," I said. "I would imagine this divorce can be rather painless then, don't you think?" (Silence on the other end.)

    Dad is rallying a bit. But it's usually what happens before total shut down. I hated this guy for 45 years. We had such a fabulous talk the day I left him. It's worth it to make peace, in the end.

    I'm still level, and have enjoyed the company of old friends who disappeared temporarily.

    Life is good, and all the people in my life who have always loved me are still here, after all. And my kids adore me. Their friends often think I'm the older brother!!

    I'm one lucky dude.

    :)
     
  10. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    Glad to hear everything is going better now...Don't let her use the bipolar thing as an excuse because it is very treatable...My brother and his wife went through the same thing and once he got on meds he was fine but I guess since she didn't bother to understand it like the rest of the family - she use that against him everytime they had a disagreement...Glad he finally divorced her too and is much happier...
     
  11. madame_zora

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    Dan, I'm really happy for you. Being in a union with someone that is unfulfilling can be such an emotional drain, no doubt it may have added to your symptoms with the bipolar thing. I know you're feeing good now and that's a wonderful place to be. Your kids will have such a good time with you now, I know that has always been my greatest source of joy in my life. I hope you really are able to have a civil divorce if it goes that way, there's really no benefit in being otherwise.

    Good to have you back around, keep us updated.
     
  12. steve319

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    Not only do you have the support of your cyberbuddies here at LPSG, sounds like you have the love of your kids. Good for you! That may be the factor that makes this transition tolerable.

    I wonder if your soon-to-be-ex can even see the double standard in letting her drunk kid live there and yet keeping your kids on the outskirts?

    We'll all be keeping you in our thoughts as you move into the next phase.

    Hang in there!
     
  13. dufus

    dufus New Member

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    Don't let anyone ever make you feel guilty of your choice to end a relationship that was destroying your life. No one lives long enought to justify living in a hostile enviroment or with someone who makes their life miserable. You will never have an opportunity to go back and do it differently from the start. Again, don't let anyone make you feel guilty for your choice.
     
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