Another question about father/son nudity

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by petite, Jan 18, 2011.

  1. petite

    petite New Member

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    This thread has been enlightening:

    http://www.lpsg.org/219784-serious-thoughts-on-father-and.html

    So many men have said that they felt father/son nudity was healthy and would help a man's self-esteem and the father/son relationship. I did wonder about something that no one brought up. I have a son and his father is hung. It's possible that my son will have an average size penis. Could he develop an insecurity about his penis size due to seeing his father? Could that have a negative impact on his self-esteem?
     
    #1 petite, Jan 18, 2011
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2011
  2. Stephenmass

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    Why would it? Unless the father himself puts on emphasis on "must have big cock" why would the son think anything is "wrong" with him if the father handles the size difference casually, more or less, don't worry about it son (if the son shows an insecurity) they come in all shapes and sizes and there is not a thing wrong with yours.
     
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  3. petite

    petite New Member

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    That's why I asked the question. I don't know how men think or what things happen that influence them and how it influences them, because I'm not a man and I don't have a penis and I don't know anything about father/son relationships. I don't even have a brother. All I know is that it seems like most men have some sort of insecurity having to do with his penis size, and I don't want my son to grow up with an insecurity like that, if it can be avoided.

    It would have to be a pretty poor father to emphasize the importance of large penises. I didn't know if just seeing that his father is hung and his is smaller comparatively would make him draw erroneous unspoken conclusions that could negatively affect his self-esteem, without the input from the father emphasizes anything at all about penis size.

    I want my boy to grow up confident and healthy, so I'm asking questions to learn what I can do about making that happen.
     
    #3 petite, Jan 18, 2011
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2011
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  4. helgaleena

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    It won't be an issue until he is in his teens anyway. Even in sauna culture where I grew up, teens are known for suddenly becoming extremely modest and secretive about their bodies. Nudity or the lack of it will not help one bit, believe me! Teens always will have something to be 'emo' about because anything at all unusual in their appearance is a curse. Penis, nose, zits, ears that stick out, it's always something.

    Just celebrate the little darling and his every adorable extremity, for now. He knows that he is smaller all over than both mom and dad, and that all parts of him are bound to grow.

    Welcome back to the threads, petite.:grouphug:
     
    #4 helgaleena, Jan 18, 2011
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  5. D_Whitcomb Whistlereed

    D_Whitcomb Whistlereed Account Disabled

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    I don't think it will be an issue, at least not until the boy is older and more conscious of these things. Even if he does grow up with an average or small size penis, he has to accept someday that some guys have bigger ones and that's not what makes a man (although it certainly helps make a man!). I remember when I was a kid seeing my father naked and thinking his penis was gargantuan simply because all children have tiny penises. I haven't seen it since I was maybe 13 or 14, years before I started getting big myself, so even though I can sort of recall what it looked like, I can't really compare it to my own because it's been so long and I've grown since then. Don't worry about your son seeing your father naked - when I saw my dad as a child, I never felt inadequate, I just thought my dad was awesome and had a huge willy. If the nudity continues once your son is fully developed, he could have an issue with size disparity, but as I said before that's something he'll have to accept someday anyway. Hope that helps!
     
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  6. Stephenmass

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    I couldn't disagree more with the words between the parenthesis (sp?).
    In 99% of cases someday he has to accept there will ALWAYS be guys with bigger ones and there will ALWAYS be guys with smaller ones too.

    If noone focuses on it, it isn't an issue, UNLESS he himself perhaps brings it up to his Dad or a trusted adult. Hopefully whoever he addresses his questions to if he does address the question at all, is mature enough to handle it the CORRECT way.

    Penis does not make the man. In some cases it doesn't even make them better lovers if they are big and don't know how to use it. In my past I've had some lovers that were average to small and a few of them paid so much more attention to other details that a guy with a big penis does generally speaking.

    DISCLAIMER: Not ALL guys with big dicks are insensitive lovers or whatever. And some definitely KNOW HOW to use it and KNOW HOW to please their partners even when not using their penis at that moment.

    It's all good.
     
    #6 Stephenmass, Jan 19, 2011
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2011
  7. Hoss

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    He might end up with a smaller than average penis, then what? Raise him with values and self respect, teach him that each body has its own unique design.

    I really can't understand why and how any man would base his self esteem on a body part, seems awfully narcissistic.

    Chances are he'll make friends based on personality not penis size and that friendshiip making will build his self esteem. If he has an average or small penis he may be ribbed for it, same happens when there's too much meat hanging, kids tease and joke, help him handle that. If he has a large penis and is a bully or just plain mean and sour he'll have less friends, less self esteem.

    He may have at least a temporary feeling of insecurity based on size, let him be aware that there are many ways to stimulate a female (or a male if that's the direction his sexuality takes him). There are women and men that aren't size queens and prefer average size or a smaller, dainty penis. What if he's huge and his 1st 3 or 4 girlfriends (or boyfriends) reject him because it's too big? Just build a person based on inner qualities, not upon physical qualities.
     
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  8. D_Whitcomb Whistlereed

    D_Whitcomb Whistlereed Account Disabled

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    Perhaps I should've rephrased myself. No, a penis does not make a man (which is in fact exactly what I said before the parentheses), but it is a bonus (which I meant in a cheeky way). At a site devoted to large penises, I would imagine most people here would agree that it is a bonus, but no, it's not really all that important in the grand scheme of things.
     
  9. petite

    petite New Member

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    I absolutely agree with you that the penis doesn't make the man.

    I feel like I'm required to make disclaimers now, because you seem like you might be under several wrong impressions regarding my own attitudes about penis size because of your combative responses. I'm not a size queen. It hasn't been something that has been important to me personally in my own sex life. I'm not asking because I personally think that a normal size penis is a problem. Actually, I'm inclined to think the exact opposite, since his daddy's penis size has caused us no end of problems. My question is based on what I read in the other thread and on the multiple threads on LPSG where men lament how insecure they feel about their penises, even men who are very well hung, not my own personal beliefs regarding what is ideal or not. As I said before, it seems like almost every man has an insecurity about his penis. My question is based upon that observation.

    I don't care what size penis he has or will have later on, and I expect that I won't know. I only mentioned that he could be not hung in order to put my question about this hypothetical situation into context regarding how he might react and not because it's important to me personally. We would never say such horrible things to our own child that would make him feel insecure, I think that's basic common sense, and doing something like that would be extremely out of character for either of us. As I said before, I only want my child to grow up to be healthy and confident.

    I take it that you do not believe children are influenced by experiences like that? It's only what adults say to children that affect how they view things and not experiences that influence them?

    I believe I was influenced as a child by many experiences in which no one told me what I was supposed to think, and I never asked an adult questions about what I was supposed to take away from certain experiences. I just formed conclusions from those experiences. Actually, I believe I was much more influenced as a child by the real life experiences I had than I was by the things adults said to me. I think I operated under the impression that adults say a lot of things that they think they're supposed to say to kids, which meant they lied a lot, so I took it all in with a grain of salt. I suppose I think that my son might be like me as a child.

    Well, we aren't talking about men, we're talking about little boys who will become men.

    You also make me feel like I need to make disclaimers. Like I said above, this isn't about my attitude regarding penis size. I asked how a particular experience might influence my son as a child, and I am asking men because I am not one.

    I agree with you about raising him with values and self-respect. I plan on raising him with the values I consider to be consistent with what truly makes a man, which has nothing to do with physical characteristics whatsoever.

    You know, I hadn't really thought about how boys might teased by other boys over penis size until you mentioned it, at least not in the context of my own child before now. Children can be so very mean to one another, from what I remember.

    Regarding the issue of father/son nudity and that effect on a son's self-esteem and how he feels about body issues, I gather that you agree with the posters in the previous thread that a son seeing his father nude can only increase his own self-esteem and his own self-confidence, even if his father is much better hung than himself? That is the context in which I am asking the question.

    We are talking about what influences a man from his childhood, so certain questions about sex and how to use his penis, whatever size it is (and I have no intention of knowing what size that will be) those issues won't come up until years after the situation proposed in the previous thread has occurred. Since you brought it up, though, I suppose I assume that he would go to his dad with those kinds of questions, and we've actually talked about that, how we'll handle the birds and the bees talk, which my parents never had with me, and I really wish that they had. TheBF does think that he'll need to say a few words about being gentle, if his son does take after him.
     
  10. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    I'm not able to give an informed opinion on what effect fathers and sons being nude around one another might have on anyone (no Papa for Hilaire) and the men in my family would never be naked around each other in a million years.

    But as a result I am able to give an opinion on what not having been around one's father nude was like.

    I don't think it made me any more or any less confident about my body or being naked around other men than any of my friends or other men who had experienced nudity in the company of their fathers.

    It certainly didn't make me unsure about my penis size or give me complexes of any kind.

    So I suppose all I'm saying is that whatever you and the BF decide about this you don't really have to worry too much as long as you raise a confident, emotionally secure young man who feels able to discuss anything with you both and who is surrounded by love and understanding.

    That I'm certain you'll do. ;)
     
    #10 D_Tim McGnaw, Jan 19, 2011
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  11. petite

    petite New Member

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    Aw, thank you! It's nice to see you again, too!

    Children develop a sense of modesty around the age of five and they most go through a period of extreme self-consciousness when they go through puberty because of how much their bodies are changing. That's to be expected. And all teenagers are drama queens! I think I know how to handle that, though. :tongue:

    My question was just a curiosity. I'm not sure if we're the "nudity in front of our children" kind of family. Neither of us grew up like that in our immediate families, although I did have the experiences of nudity around my female family members at public baths in Asia that I believe influenced how I feel about nudity and how self-conscious I feel about being nude in front of other women. I was always surprised by how timid American women were when naked in front of other heterosexual women, and I think my comfort in my skin had to do with those early childhood experiences.

    The other thread was asking about the appropriateness of nudity in front of his son who was quite young, but so many men said that they thought it would have made themselves much more confident as adults to have had that experience, that it was enlightening. Then I remembered something else I remember reading here in a very old thread from 2006 or so, where a well hung man wrote about being insecure about his penis size because he saw how hung his own father was, and not realizing that his was also over-sized until he was well into adulthood, so those two threads generated the question that created this thread.
     
  12. petite

    petite New Member

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    Aw, thank you! You know we'll try our best.

    I didn't grow up in a family that talked openly about a lot of uncomfortable subjects, and we still leave so much unspoken (hence the awkward Christmas). I don't want my relationship with my son to be like that. I feel like I've learned how to be open and able to discuss anything with most people (other than my own parents), and that I am like that with TheBF, so maybe my relationship with my son will be strong and healthy like that. I'm hoping it will be.
     
  13. helgaleena

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    You are right, petite, that once he's an adolescent you as a mother will have no idea about your son's size down there, nor should you. I have been asked by a few LPSG'ers privately about my son and quite properly plead complete ignorance. I haven't been to the doctor with him even since he was 14.

    Frankly I told the ones asking it was weird to even presume a mom would have such info. But for now, ain't his baby equipment the cutest???
     
  14. petite

    petite New Member

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    Not so cute when he's peeing on me! :redface:

    I wasn't prepared for how large his balls would be when he was born! Wow! I read that they would be enlarged, but as usual that description failed to express an adequate sense of scale!
     
  15. helgaleena

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    Newborns are generally a bit wrinkled up and red anyway. He'll smooth out and be ready to sell baby food and pampers on tv in no time.
     
  16. DV8

    DV8
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    Congratulations, Mama!!!!! Aunte' Dante' is sooooo excited!!!

    I have to go ahead and say that the father/son nudity thing is just a no go for me. I mean, who really wants to think of their parents nude? I believe that it crosses a boundary. As a parent, you see your child nude for health and hygienic reasons, no other purpose. It seems to me that a child wouldn't be in the same position unless had to bathe their parents, and then you're just crossing into that boundary of health and hygienic- totally cool! When I was a baby, I would bathe with my mom. By the time I was 3, I would bathe myself with supervision- maybe it would have been different had I had more of a male role model in my life. However, I don't know many men who have seen their parents nude.

    Realistically, it should be fine as long as their love and honesty is always encouraged. Could it possibly cause some insecurity?! Who's to say? We're all different- one child might remember daddy's schlong until the day he dies, and the other may forget all about it. Then again, one day when the child remember's dad's size, he may feel that some day will be his birthright, and it depends whether or not that's fulfilled.

    Either way, we're all a certain size while flaccid, not same size hard, thus it shouldn't really matter or even be thought about. So unless you're raising your child into some Deliverance bullshit (which I know you're not), I doubt you'll have a reason to worry.
     
  17. Hoss

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    1st off I may have misunderstood and then went off on a tangent discussing lfe until your son is an adult. 2nd, there's no need for you to be making disclimers regarding size, I didn't at any time feel that you'd be judging your son based upon that I sensed your concern is his self confidence self esteem if he isn't the same size as his father, that's where my rambling began getting the better of me.

    Weird, strange or odd I didn't think much about size as a kid. Several factors I suppose. 2 older brothers, swimming at the Y which included adults & adults in the showers and then there were the scout leaders when I was in the Boy Scouts that I saw a few times naked. If anything my thinking was I'd get bigger as I got older but that was my entire body that'd be getting bigger as well. My self esteem took a far greater beating from teachers at school (dyslexia wasn't heavily recognized back then). The structure at home was what gave me self esteem. To the best of my knowledge size wasn't ever talked about with my father and I never worried about it, I didn't even measure until I was past 20.

    From what I've read you'll make a great parent and so will your son's father, a big part of parenting is intuition followed with talkiing.
     
  18. mikesong

    mikesong New Member

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    Nowadays with all the porn, he's very likely to see big ones anyway which I think has much more to do with most guys' insecurity than if they did see their Dad. On the other hand, if he does end up with a big one, which is probably at least 50% likely given his Dad, then it is possible he could be insecure about that, and in that case seeing his Dad is the same way might be just the thing to make him comfortable.
     
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  19. petite

    petite New Member

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    Okay, I know you aren't going to believe me, because moms are always biased about their babies, but my boy was perfect from the moment they pulled him out of me. I swear!

    I've missed you! :hug:

    He's so beautiful! Just perfect!

    When I was a child and my female relatives took me to the bathhouse, this is how I felt. I didn't want to see my grandmother naked and furiously scrubbing herself! Ew! But you know what? When I grew up, I was a lot less self-conscious about nudity in front of other women than any other American girl I know, so even though I thought, "ew!" it still positively affected me later on in life. Having said that, I'm not sure about my own comfort level with nudity around my child, having had no one to model that behavior on.

    This is very much a cultural thing and it's different for people from other countries. I do remember wondering if my lack of discomfort made other people more uncomfortable, and if it set me apart socially as more "foreign" than the other girls, because I didn't have the same sort of reaction or behave the same way as the others, like at boarding school in the showers, for example, where every other girl other than me kept themselves carefully covered at all times, with hunched backs, and such furtiveness that you'd think there was a child molester right there in the bathroom with us.

    That sounds like wise advice

    I'm not making any predictions or pronouncements about what we'll do in the future. We'll tackle those issues as they come, but that doesn't mean I can't ask questions now when my curiosity is aroused. :smile:

    I thought that's what might have happened. :smile:

    Thank you for sharing your experience with me. That's really helpful to know.

    I was so naive about sex growing up that I didn't even know what a penis was shaped like until I was 12. Actually, I didn't even know that sex involved a penis going into the vagina until I was 12! I don't hold out any hope that my own child will be innocent about sex for as long as I was, though. The world has changed a lot.

    That's so true about his potential exposure to porn early in life. I hate that. His introduction to ideas about sex will probably happen in a very different way than mine did, because of the internet. While I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with enjoying porn, it makes me sad thinking of young people deriving their ideas about what sex should be like from it before they've had any real life experiences from which to formulate those concepts in a more natural way, before being introduced to the more extreme side of adult sexuality. That makes me feel depressed.
     
    #19 petite, Jan 20, 2011
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2011
  20. Stephenmass

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    Petite,

    My responses were not so much directed at you as they were to some of the answers I was reading within YOUR thread. If they sounded combative not just to you but to others, I didn't mean it that way at all. Like Hoss said (I think it was Hoss), hopefully (and I'm sure you will) you will raise a great young man someday who is confident instead of arrogant, comfortable in his own shoes and most important, HAPPY!

    Dick size doesn't apply to achieving any of those goals as you know!!
     
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