Another question for guys who identify as straight

[nicenycdick]

I don't think he's asking about relationships. At least that's not what the original post sounded like??

My understanding was, can you as a straight man, see another man and think that he is good looking, attractive, etc.? Would you be able to say "He's good looking, attractive, etc.??

(right hungjon?)

Country, it was the following clarification HungJon posted here to which I referred:

"Thanks for all the responses so far. I do think that when I use the word attraction I mean it in the widest sense. It's not so much about genital sexuality between guys but more about emotional closeness and warmth. Strangely enough I found this very cool article tonight about straight guys kissing each other. It's not exactly about attraction as we're talking about it here but it is really interesting to me and has relevance to this thread.

Straight men kissing more | Education | The Guardian "

 

[Silvertip]

In spite of my 60/40 percentage declaration I feel that I am qualified to contribute an answer to this one. That, because my sexual interest in men is a purely hedonistic one and highly cock focused. For purposes of romance and making love I consider myself to be 100% straight. Like many of the previous posters I am not at all "attracted" to men, I'm just interested in quality cock play with men for the physical pleasure it can bring us both. So, no, I don't find men to be attractive.

... I do think that when I use the word attraction I mean it in the widest sense ...

But in the "widest sense", yes, I do believe I can identify attractive characteristics in other men. Meaning those characteristics that would likely appeal to people who are attracted to men. Or to put it in other words I do have some appreciation as to what makes for a handsome man. Just as with the gay, bi and straight labels I think this thread is mostly dealing with a semantics issue. I think if you queried straight guys about other men being good looking or handsome you would find a good many of those who have said they don't find guys attractive at all would admit that they can recognize good looks in another man. Try asking the same question with "handsome" or "good looking" in place of "attractive" and I'll be you'll get different results.

 

[B_Bjen2848]

Gecko4if, your comments are most likely the least compassionate and most cruel I have ever heard on this site. From your POV other guys aren't even human. I think your attitude is disgusting.

its not that they aren't human .. they're just ... there .. like a table or a door handle .... the only guys i see in "relationships" are the relationships i have built with my male friends and family over the years and when i enter the business world ... other than that, the random guy in the 2nd row in my math class with the weird hair cut means nothing to me .. hes just .. there ... kind of like ugly lesbians, honda civics and hamsters, you've seen one, you've seen em all

the difference, for a straight guy (or me atleast) between a "hot" guy and a hot girl is the "hot" guy will give me the same reaction as looking at a chair, which is "maybe i can use him to my advantage one day" (like a chair, maybe i can sit on it one day)

the hot girl will make me want to approach her, or at the least, get a boner .. which i will need to wait a few moments for that to calm down so i can approach her with out my friend down stairs trying to creep in the convo and bugging her out

 

[B_Bjen2848]

Its not like I run em over in the street

It is just the extent of most conversations go either

Guy: Yo
Me: yo
*We both walk away*

or

Guy: Damn she got a phat ass
Me: I know right
*we both walk away*

or

Guy: Lakers are in the playoff
Me: Fuck the lakers
Guy: Lol
Me: Lol
*both walk away*

There is no need to change something that works perfectly.

perfect ... except the "fuck the lakers" comment ... 3 PEAT!! lol
*walking away*

 

[mako shark]

Turn that statement around and it pretty much sums it up!

I'm a homo, and I find some women very attractive. I don't want to fuck them, but they sure are nice to look at.

 

[B_Hung Jon]

its not that they aren't human .. they're just ... there .. like a table or a door handle .... the only guys i see in "relationships" are the relationships i have built with my male friends and family over the years and when i enter the business world ... other than that, the random guy in the 2nd row in my math class with the weird hair cut means nothing to me .. hes just .. there ... kind of like ugly lesbians, honda civics and hamsters, you've seen one, you've seen em all

the difference, for a straight guy (or me atleast) between a "hot" guy and a hot girl is the "hot" guy will give me the same reaction as looking at a chair, which is "maybe i can use him to my advantage one day" (like a chair, maybe i can sit on it one day)

the hot girl will make me want to approach her, or at the least, get a boner .. which i will need to wait a few moments for that to calm down so i can approach her with out my friend down stairs trying to creep in the convo and bugging her out

Man, there sure are a lot of unconscious, chauvinistic and ignorant straight guys on this site lately. What rock did you guys come out from under? I feel sorry for any women who are involved with or married to you trolls.

 

[Gecko4lif]

Man, there sure are a lot of unconscious, chauvinistic and ignorant straight guys on this site lately. What rock did you guys come out from under? I feel sorry for any women who are involved with or married to you trolls.

I find it hilarious you say that when the entire premise of your tread boils down to "Why arent more men bi-sexual/gay". Because that is exactly what this thread is. You may dress it up however you want but at the core that is what your asking.

Lets take a look at your original post and break it down shall we.

I've heard many times on this site from "straight" men who say they don't find guys attractive at all. I know straight women, lesbian and bi women and bi and gay guys who all say they find some guys attractive, what is the block for straight guys around this issue?

Right off the bat you are using anecdotal evidence which matters for shit in any kind of logical debate. Lets see what kind of sources you are citing.

- Straight women find guys attractive : Gee no shit. That is what heterosexuality is
- Bi-women find guys attractive : Gee no shit AGAIN.
- Bi-guys find men attractive: This is some real rocket science we are working with
- Gay men find men attractive: Do I even have to say this one...

So not only are you using anecdotal evidence but you are in effect saying
1 + 1 = 2 and wondering why the fuck it isnt 112 when the equation clearly has 2 1's in it and a 2

It's hard to understand from my POV. When I hear all these defensive answers, it confuses and angers me.

What you have there is a faulty schema. Which for all you lovely kids who never got into psychology is defined as "General conceptual frameworks, or clusters of knowledge, regarding objects, people, and situations; knowledge packages that encode generalizations about the structure of the environment."

You need to work on that. You know who else have ill defined or faulty schema? Racists, bigots (in general), and old people.

I've even had some straight guys tell me here on this site that I should respect their sexuality, although to me I don't think I should because straight guys have never been a oppressed group.

So your outright admitting your full of shit and you dont think straight people are worthy of respecting. Nice job bucko.

In fact they're been on the top of the social heap forever.

Tend to happen when your solely responsible for the continuation of your species

I still want to understand this attitude though so I bring it up in this way to hear people's thoughts. Thanks.

Which also shows you full of shit when showing your responses to this thread

Like so

Gecko4if, your comments are most likely the least compassionate and most cruel I have ever heard on this site. From your POV other guys aren't even human. I think your attitude is disgusting.

And Also

Man, there sure are a lot of unconscious, chauvinistic and ignorant straight guys on this site lately. What rock did you guys come out from under? I feel sorry for any women who are involved with or married to you trolls.

Your arguments are poorly thought out and of no merit. Go away please. Thank you.

 

[D_Larry_Burpengary]

I've heard many times on this site from "straight" men who say they don't find guys attractive at all. I know straight women, lesbian and bi women and bi and gay guys who all say they find some guys attractive. If all these people find guys somewhat attractive, what is the block for straight guys around this issue? It's hard to understand from my POV. When I hear all these defensive answers, it confuses and angers me. I've even had some straight guys tell me here on this site that I should respect their sexuality, although to me I don't think I should because straight guys have never been a oppressed group. In fact they're been on the top of the social heap forever. I still want to understand this attitude though so I bring it up in this way to hear people's thoughts. Thanks.

you dont want to accept strait men because they have never been oppressed? i dont know what to say i/we just dont find men attractive... i see a men, i think
1. can he play on my basketball team. 2. Will he bring free alcohol to parties.

i see a penis and think , meh..i got one two.

if you have specific question you ask that.. this is really broad, i dont know how to answer you

 

[HappyBoi]

Tend to happen when your solely responsible for the continuation of your species

1. Hmm, what about women? :O

2. To be "responsible" for the continuation of the species, I never saw that as a thing that brings status/respect in life. Kids, on the other hand can bring status I suppose, having a family.. But anyway.

3. Even guys who are not hetrosexual can add to "the continuation of the species". They can deposit sperm or be donors. There's also bisexual men, and "mostly gay"-men who still sleep with women and so on.

4. There's a lot of theories that say we're actually over-populating our world. There's a lot of theories that show that we'll be in heavy lack of food and living-area in the near future as the human population grows. We're already at a stage were large areas of the world are starving, (though that's also due to other areas living in luxury).


So... yeah. Just sayin'.

 

[Gecko4lif]

1. Hmm, what about women? :O

Im sorry I assumed everyone knew how reproduction occurred. I was implying the act of intercourse not just straight guys sprout babies from their ball sacks. Looking back at my post I can see how you would have missed it. My bad.

2. To be "responsible" for the continuation of the species, I never saw that as a thing that brings status/respect in life. Kids, on the other hand can bring status I suppose, having a family.. But anyway.

What?

3. Even guys who are not hetrosexual can add to "the continuation of the species". They can deposit sperm or be donors. There's also bisexual men, and "mostly gay"-men who still sleep with women and so on.

I was harkening back to these days
http://drpinna.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/neanderthal3.jpg

That is why I was using the language I was using

4. There's a lot of theories that say we're actually over-populating our world. There's a lot of theories that show that we'll be in heavy lack of food and living-area in the near future as the human population grows. We're already at a stage were large areas of the world are starving, (though that's also due to other areas living in luxury).


So... yeah. Just sayin'.

I completely agree but that is hardly the point

 

[D_ewjjde]

And what if your sexuality were questioned because of such a comment? I guess i don't understand the appreciation of another person's attractiveness and at the same time disinterest in the person. The purpose of this question is to see if straight guys can find another guy attractive. When I say attractive I don't mean the desire to just have sex, but all the other aspects of what we like and feel connected to in another person. So once again, if you are attracted to another guy, is it something that you want to explore at least in the sense of having a friend? Or are guys just off your emotional radar?

I guess when I think of the word attractive, I tend to consider it along the lines of "good looking".
So, I could say "Jon's an attractive guy" - which you are - but for me it's just an observation. I mean it in the sense that you would be able to draw attention from women or gay/bi men. So I am acknowledging your ability to attract, but you would not attract me to you other than my observation of the features you have being pleasing to the eyes of those who would be attracted to you.

To answer your questions:
1. If someone questioned my sexuality, I would honestly just laugh. I know who I am and really could care less.
2. I wouldn't be attracted to a guy because of his looks. I would be attracted to his point of view, humor or conservation, etc. anything that friendships build from.
3. Guys are off my emotional radar when it comes to sexual intimacy or relationships. But plenty of my guy friends are on my emotional radar in many different ways.

 

[B_Hung Jon]

I guess when I think of the word attractive, I tend to consider it along the lines of "good looking".
So, I could say "Jon's an attractive guy" - which you are - but for me it's just an observation. I mean it in the sense that you would be able to draw attention from women or gay/bi men. So I am acknowledging your ability to attract, but you would not attract me to you other than my observation of the features you have being pleasing to the eyes of those who would be attracted to you.

To answer your questions:
1. If someone questioned my sexuality, I would honestly just laugh. I know who I am and really could care less.
2. I wouldn't be attracted to a guy because of his looks. I would be attracted to his point of view, humor or conservation, etc. anything that friendships build from.
3. Guys are off my emotional radar when it comes to sexual intimacy or relationships. But plenty of my guy friends are on my emotional radar in many different ways.

Thanks for the thoughtful and honest response. I can see from other posts on this thread that many self-identified straight guys are extremely threatened by this topic. I've even gotten angry and threatening PMs like "fuck you" over this thread. The whole purpose of the original post was to see what people's prejudices and fears are around this topic. It's obvious to me at this point because some of the responses are over-the-top and mean-spirited.

To respond to your points that are high-lighted: when you say "anything that friendships are built from", how does that not include what makes the other person attractive? I'm not just saying their looks. I'm asking what makes another person attractive enough to peak your interest? Most humans make judgments about people from a physical POV first. It doesn't mean you want to have sex with them, but rather there is something about them that pulls you in. Your last point is even more interesting. Your guy friends are on your emotional radar "in many different ways". What are those ways? And also what's the difference between "relationships" and your friendship with people? Isn't friendship a form of relationship? How about just being intimate with your male friends on a communication level? Is that permitted in your world view? Or is that sort of relationship only reserved for women because it's not possible to be vulnerable to another guy? These are the questions that interest me.

 

[Remington]

I can acknowledge when a man is good looking, or "attractive".

I'm just not attracted to them sexually.

 

[NEWREBA]

Man, there sure are a lot of unconscious, chauvinistic and ignorant straight guys on this site lately. What rock did you guys come out from under? I feel sorry for any women who are involved with or married to you trolls.

Dear Jon...

You and I both know this is why not many woman come to this site like we did in the past. There are a lot of totally insensitive guys who come on here to bash women and cool guys like you. I think it's just a reflection of how society is at large. I love you, sweetie! :smile:

 

[NumberTwentySix]

It's easy to say, "Bob there is an attractive man. He is physically fit, socially gracious, and pleasant to be around." This does not translate to, "OMG Bob is so hawt!!! I want to have so much sex with him." Why is this concept in question? If there is a mutually agreed-upon objective standard of "attractiveness" then clearly any straight man can find another man "attractive" after answering two questions: what are the criteria? and, does he match most or all of the criteria?

 

[B_Bjen2848]

Man, there sure are a lot of unconscious, chauvinistic and ignorant straight guys on this site lately. What rock did you guys come out from under? I feel sorry for any women who are involved with or married to you trolls.

unconscious? chauvinistic? troll? and ignorant?

what makes you think this??? because i dont get aroused when a man walks in the room?

 

[B_Bjen2848]

you dont want to accept strait men because they have never been oppressed? i dont know what to say i/we just dont find men attractive... i see a men, i think
1. can he play on my basketball team. 2. Will he bring free alcohol to parties.

i see a penis and think , meh..i got one two.

if you have specific question you ask that.. this is really broad, i dont know how to answer you

this^

 

[Gecko4lif]

unconscious? chauvinistic? troll? and ignorant?

what makes you think this??? because i dont get aroused when a man walks in the room?

WHAT? There is obviously something wrong with you :smoker:

 

[D_ewjjde]

Thanks for the thoughtful and honest response. I can see from other posts on this thread that many self-identified straight guys are extremely threatened by this topic. I've even gotten angry and threatening PMs like "fuck you" over this thread. The whole purpose of the original post was to see what people's prejudices and fears are around this topic. It's obvious to me at this point because some of the responses are over-the-top and mean-spirited.

To respond to your points that are high-lighted: when you say "anything that friendships are built from", how does that not include what makes the other person attractive? I'm not just saying their looks. I'm asking what makes another person attractive enough to peak your interest? Most humans make judgments about people from a physical POV first. It doesn't mean you want to have sex with them, but rather there is something about them that pulls you in. Your last point is even more interesting. Your guy friends are on your emotional radar "in many different ways". What are those ways? And also what's the difference between "relationships" and your friendship with people? Isn't friendship a form of relationship? How about just being intimate with your male friends on a communication level? Is that permitted in your world view? Or is that sort of relationship only reserved for women because it's not possible to be vulnerable to another guy? These are the questions that interest me.

It's tough to put into words. My best friend and I met at a bar watching college football. We were for opposing teams. We had such a good time with the back and forth banter, betting drinks on the game, etc. that it became a regular thing. His "attractiveness" in this case was his knowledge of college football and his quick wit.

Another good friend was simply my cousin's boyfriend. He started coming to family events, we got along great. Same sense of humor, same competitiveness. They broke up a while ago, but we still hang out whenever he's in my town or I'm around his location.

I met many of my friends through sports, work, other friends...it's all circumstantial. I recently made the acquaintance of a guy who works at my gym. He was always at the desk, when I was leaving one day I stopped to pick up my key, we started talking about a basketball game that was on and from there I learned his name, he learned mine and then whenever I came in after that, there was always a nod or a hello. Then I saw him out at the bar one night, we ended up combining groups, had a great time and now we're friends. It just happened. There wasn't anything that piqued my interest about him physically. Had it been a different guy there that day the Lakers were playing the Hornets, maybe he and I would be friends. We just got along, there really isn't anything else to it.

(Side Note: I think for your sake, your use of the word of attractive is confusing people in this thread, which might explain some of the negative responses. In regards to most people, myself included, most of us use it as a physical description, while I think you are looking for something deeper.)

As for guys being on my emotional radar, that's easy to answer. I've had guy friends cry into my shoulder over the loss of a loved one. Long embraces with old friends. Same with good byes. When one of my best friends was diagnosed with cancer, his dad simply asked me to hold his hand while he buried his head in his arm and sobbed. Or the time the girl I thought I would spend the rest of my life with broke my heart and my best friend came and stayed with me for 3 days to take care of me because I was a wreck and couldn't take care of myself. I have no problem saying guys are on my emotional radar, they just aren't on it in sexually intimate or relationship - and by this I mean a relationship that I would consider with a woman - sense.

 

[B_Bjen2848]

WHAT? There is obviously something wrong with you :smoker:

im just surprised he didn't call me a gay bashing homophobe ... i'll keep my hopes up, there is bound for someone to call me a gay hater sooner or later lol